Kids don't only say the darndest things they write them too ;)

[hart]

Katlick Elementary School


>Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading
>these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her
>composure!
>
>
>PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE
>EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS!
>THIS COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED
>QUESTIONS
>ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE
>WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED.
>INCORRECT
>SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
>
>
>1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING
>THE
>WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
>
>2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF
>ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
>> 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE
>DURING
>THE NIGHT.
>
>4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE
>WITH
>UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
>
>5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE
>DELILAH.
>
>6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
>
>7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD
>WHICH
>IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
>
>8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT
>UP
>TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
>
>9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
>
>10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
>
>11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CA! NADA. T HEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS
>IN
>THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
>
>12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND
>STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
>
>13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT
>THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
>
>14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
>
>15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
>
>16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS
>IN
>THE MANAGER.
>
>17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
>
>18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
>
>19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE
>! ;THEY D O ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
>
>20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE
>TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
>
>21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
>
>22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
>
>23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
>
>24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS
>ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
>
>25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY
>

[irishlady]

Kids don't only say the darndest things they write them too

Thanks hart, I loved #17, Mary and her Immaculate contraption!!!

[Finding My Self]

Kids don't only say the darndest things they write them too

Mary - Just fab!!!! No.3 had me in stitches! Thanks.
'Feet' x

[fickle]

Kids don't only say the darndest things they write them too

In stitches again

Go Hart! :H Hilarious!:H

[lushy]

Kids don't only say the darndest things they write them too

Those are great!!!

[hippie37]

Kids don't only say the darndest things they write them too

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida...and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!


NAME: Greg Bulmash

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries


Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx