> This is really funny -------ENJOY! ! ! ! ! ! !
> ->
>> Thought you might appreciate this
>>
>>
>>
>> A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
>>
>>
>>
>> If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something
>> wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to
>> get
>> into a regular workout routine.
>>
>> Dear Diary,
>> For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a
>> week of personal training at the local health club for me.
>>
>> Although I am still in great shape since being a high school
>> football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good
>> idea to
>> go ahead and give it a try.
>>
>> I called the club and made my reservations with a personal
>> trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old
>> aerobics
>> instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
>>
>> My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!
>> The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
>>
>> MONDAY:
>>
>> Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found
>> it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find
>> Belinda
>> waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond
>> hair,
>> dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me
>> a
>> tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful
>> way in
>> which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very
>> inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my
>> gut
>> was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was
>> around.
>> This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
>>
>> TUESDAY:
>>
>> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the
>> door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into
>> the
>> air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
>> treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made
>> it
>> all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
>>
>> WEDNESDAY:
>>
>> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on
>> the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I
>> have
>> a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try
>> to
>> steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
>> Belinda
>> was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other
>> club
>> members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning
>> and
>> when she scolds she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
>> My
>> chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the
>> stair
>> monster. Why the h*** would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
>> activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would
>> help
>> me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other s*** too.
>>
>> THURSDAY:
>>
>> Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed
>> as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I
>> couldn't
>> help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my
>> shoes.
>> Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not
>> looking, I
>> ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny b**** to find
>> me.
>> Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I
>> sank.
>>
>> FRIDAY:
>>
>> I hate that b**** Belinda more than any human being has ever
>> hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid,
>> skinny,
>> anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body
>> I
>> could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
>> Belinda
>> wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if
>> you
>> don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the D*** barbells or
>> anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me
>> off
>> and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it
>> have
>> been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
>>
>> SATURDAY:
>>
>> Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
>> shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing
>> her
>> made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I
>> lacked the
>> strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven
>> straight
>> hours of the Weather Channel.
>>
>> SUNDAY:
>>
>> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can
>> go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next
>> year
>> my daughter (the little s***) will choose a gift for me that is fun
>> --
>> like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted
>> me to
>> bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
>>
>>
>>
>> __________________________________________________ ___________
>> Click for
> ->
>> Thought you might appreciate this
>>
>>
>>
>> A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
>>
>>
>>
>> If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something
>> wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to
>> get
>> into a regular workout routine.
>>
>> Dear Diary,
>> For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a
>> week of personal training at the local health club for me.
>>
>> Although I am still in great shape since being a high school
>> football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good
>> idea to
>> go ahead and give it a try.
>>
>> I called the club and made my reservations with a personal
>> trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old
>> aerobics
>> instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
>>
>> My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started!
>> The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
>>
>> MONDAY:
>>
>> Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found
>> it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find
>> Belinda
>> waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond
>> hair,
>> dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me
>> a
>> tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful
>> way in
>> which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very
>> inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my
>> gut
>> was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was
>> around.
>> This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
>>
>> TUESDAY:
>>
>> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the
>> door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into
>> the
>> air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the
>> treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made
>> it
>> all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
>>
>> WEDNESDAY:
>>
>> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on
>> the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I
>> have
>> a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try
>> to
>> steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
>> Belinda
>> was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other
>> club
>> members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning
>> and
>> when she scolds she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
>> My
>> chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the
>> stair
>> monster. Why the h*** would anyone invent a machine to simulate an
>> activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would
>> help
>> me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other s*** too.
>>
>> THURSDAY:
>>
>> Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed
>> as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I
>> couldn't
>> help being a half an hour late; it took me that long to tie my
>> shoes.
>> Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not
>> looking, I
>> ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny b**** to find
>> me.
>> Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I
>> sank.
>>
>> FRIDAY:
>>
>> I hate that b**** Belinda more than any human being has ever
>> hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid,
>> skinny,
>> anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body
>> I
>> could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
>> Belinda
>> wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if
>> you
>> don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the D*** barbells or
>> anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me
>> off
>> and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it
>> have
>> been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
>>
>> SATURDAY:
>>
>> Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
>> shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing
>> her
>> made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I
>> lacked the
>> strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven
>> straight
>> hours of the Weather Channel.
>>
>> SUNDAY:
>>
>> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can
>> go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next
>> year
>> my daughter (the little s***) will choose a gift for me that is fun
>> --
>> like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted
>> me to
>> bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
>>
>>
>>
>> __________________________________________________ ___________
>> Click for
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