>>Sometimes, when I look at my children,
>>I say to myself "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
>>-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
>>
>>I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
>>But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog:
>>"No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
>>-- Eleanor Roosevelt
>>
>>Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
>>I have since been visited by her sister,and now wish to withdraw that
>>statement.
>>-- Mark Twain
>>
>>The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
>>and to have the two as close together as possible.
>>-- George Burns
>>
>>Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
>>-- Victor Borge
>>
>>Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
>>-- Mark Twain
>>
>>By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
>>if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
>>-- Socrates
>>
>>I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
>>-- Groucho Marx
>>
>>My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
>>Every now and then she stops to breathe.
>>-- Jimmy Durante
>>
>>I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
>>-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
>>
>>Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
>>groups:
>>alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
>>-- Alex Levine
>>
>>My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
>>-- Rodney Dangerfield
>>
>>Money can't buy you happiness
>>But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
>>-- Spike Milligan
>>
>>Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
>>-- Joe Namath
>>
>>I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.Then it's time for my
>>nap.
>>-- Bob Hope
>>
>>I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
>>-- W.C. Fields
>>
>>We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work
>>its way through Congress.
>>-- Will Rogers
>>
>>Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older,it will avoid
>>you.
>>-- Winston Churchill
>>
>>Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ..
>>But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
>>-- Phyllis Diller
>>
>>By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
>>anywhere.
>>-- Billy Crystal
>>
>>The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out
>>I say to myself "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
>>-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
>>
>>I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
>>But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog:
>>"No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
>>-- Eleanor Roosevelt
>>
>>Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
>>I have since been visited by her sister,and now wish to withdraw that
>>statement.
>>-- Mark Twain
>>
>>The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
>>and to have the two as close together as possible.
>>-- George Burns
>>
>>Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
>>-- Victor Borge
>>
>>Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
>>-- Mark Twain
>>
>>By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
>>if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
>>-- Socrates
>>
>>I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
>>-- Groucho Marx
>>
>>My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
>>Every now and then she stops to breathe.
>>-- Jimmy Durante
>>
>>I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
>>-- Zsa Zsa Gabor
>>
>>Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food
>>groups:
>>alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
>>-- Alex Levine
>>
>>My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
>>-- Rodney Dangerfield
>>
>>Money can't buy you happiness
>>But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
>>-- Spike Milligan
>>
>>Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
>>-- Joe Namath
>>
>>I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.Then it's time for my
>>nap.
>>-- Bob Hope
>>
>>I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
>>-- W.C. Fields
>>
>>We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work
>>its way through Congress.
>>-- Will Rogers
>>
>>Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older,it will avoid
>>you.
>>-- Winston Churchill
>>
>>Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ..
>>But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
>>-- Phyllis Diller
>>
>>By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
>>anywhere.
>>-- Billy Crystal
>>
>>The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out
)
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