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SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

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    SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

    SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

    I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day

    Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

    I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

    I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

    I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

    And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

    I no longer check the coin r eturn on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

    I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to
    Jamaica ,Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

    I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

    And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

    I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the n ext 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at
    5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happ ened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

    Have a wonderful day....
    :flower: Change a life; make someone feel important. ................. ........................ ..................... ........................ ................. ....... sigpic

    #2
    SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

    V funny - I can so relate to this!

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      #3
      SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

      It's true!!!
      A dove just flew over my house and crapped on the roof!!!
      And a neighbour up the road has 5 camels! (True)
      Oh woe oh woe is me.
      I don't know 144,000 people!!!!!!
      Doomed am I.
      I loved it

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