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    Trying On The Bathing Suit

    Trying on the Bathing Suit

    It's getting to be that time again, so I thought I would spread some cheer!

    In days gone by, the bathing suit for the over 40 crowd was boned, trussed and
    reinforced, not so much sewn, as engineered to fit. They were built to hold back
    in the right places and give some uplift - and they did a good job. Today's
    stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from
    a potato chip.

    The mature woman has a choice -- -she can either go up front to the maternity
    department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a
    hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia -- or she can wander around
    every run of the mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from
    assorted designer's florescent rubber bands being sold as bathing suits.

    What choice did I have? I wandered around, and in desperation, picked out one
    and entered the fitting room (which is known to most of us "older girls" as a
    chamber of horrors).

    The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch
    material. The Lycra in that bathing costume must have been developed by NASA to
    launch small rockets from a slingshot. I fought my way into it, but as I
    "twanged" the shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror --- my boobs had
    disappeared!

    Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to
    find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.
    The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is
    meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump.

    I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view
    assessment. The bathing suit fit all right, --- but unfortunately, it only fit
    those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me rebelliously oozed
    out from top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing
    undersized cling wrap.


    As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the
    prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you
    are!", she said, "that is a lovely suit." I curtly asked what other suits she
    had to show me.

    I tried on a cream-crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape.

    I tried on a floral two-piece which gave the appearance of an oversized napkin
    in a serving ring. I struggled into a 2-piece leopard skin that covered my
    stomach with ragged frills and I looked like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with
    triplets and having a rough day.

    I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in
    mourning. I tried on a bright pink one-piece with such a high cut leg I thought
    I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear it.

    Finally, I found a suit that fit . . . ... a two-piece affair with a shorts
    style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and
    bulge-friendly, so I bought it. I figured at least I had something I could wear
    and that the hours of search had been productive.

    Life is not fair -- when I got home, I found a label, which read -- "Material
    might become transparent in water."

    So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year
    and I happen to be there too ... I'll be the person in cut off jeans and a
    t-shirt

    #2
    Trying On The Bathing Suit

    Oh my! Oh my!

    I found a bathing suit that was user friendly on LandsEnd.com last year and bought two, one in black polka dot and one in turquoise blue polka dot. I look presentable, at least. Oh my, can I relate to your story!! Thank you for making it humorous!! Shopping for a bathing suit is a nightmare if you are anything over a size 10!

    Hugs,
    Kathy

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      #3
      Trying On The Bathing Suit

      Kathy and Wellseasoned;

      I come here every time I feel down, I just laughed until my eyes were watering...Thanks.. Anyway, I recently found out that with my weight loss I can put away 11/12 and fit my 9/10.. But still doesn't change my size 36D cup. Every bathing suit I tried on week of July 4th didn't fit properly for the women with the bigger BOOBS! I ended up buying a 13 for the BOOB size and got home found that my BEHIND AREA looked like I had another person in the rear..So after $75 for the suit I've gotta spend another $25 to have the tailor take in the rear....Let's start our own Bathing Suit Line....

      :lol :h Brandy

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        #4
        Trying On The Bathing Suit

        OMG Brandi! We have exactly the opposite problem!!! I am large of bottom and small of chest! Is it possible that we can arrange to exchange??:rollin Either we change bottoms or chests! What do you say? The ONLY thing I like with my weight gain are my BOOBs!!!

        Kathy:lol

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          #5
          Trying On The Bathing Suit

          Kathy;

          You are toooooooofunny! I'd llike a little less boobs...Nobody else thinks women should have more than an A or B cup :eek does, meaning, the department stores, boutique or wholesale clothing stores..All stores fit bra cup sizes in bathing suits to fit WHO? Not me:eek ..

          I say we start our own bathing suit design!!

          Hugs,
          Brandy

          Comment


            #6
            Trying On The Bathing Suit

            trying on a bathing suit

            I love this. It's so true! The only swimming costumes with 'uplift' makes one look as though you should be tied to the front of a galleon.

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