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life too funny i was bored

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    life too funny i was bored

    [list type=decimal][*]food has replaced sex in my life...now icant even get into my own pants
    the closest i ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content
    marriage changes passion...suddenly youre in bed with a relative
    i saw a women wearing a sweat shirt with 'guess' on it..so i said ,implants?
    i dont do drugs anymore cause i find i get the same effect just standing up fast
    sign in a chinese pet store buy one dog get one flea.
    i have my own little wrold. but its ok... they know am here
    i got a sweater for christmas...i really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
    if flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the teminal?
    i dont approve of political jokes...ive seen too many of them get elected.
    the most precious thing we have is life ....yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
    if life deals you lemons, make lemonade, if life deals tomatoes, make bloody marys. but if life deals you a truckload handgrenades... thats the message!
    i love being married,its so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life
    shopping tips. you can get shoes for 65 cents at the bowling alley
    i am nobody,and nobody is perfect, therefore iam perfect.
    i married my wife for her looks.. but not the ones shes been giving me lately.
    everyday i beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days ive stayed alive.
    if carrots are so good for the eyes,how come i see so many dead rabbits on the highways?
    how come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for miss america?
    isnt having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
    why is that most nudists are people you dont want to see naked?
    snowmen fall from heaven unassembled.
    every time i walk into a singles bar i can hear moms wise words.dont pick that up you dont know where its been!
    the differences between snowmen and snow-women are snowballs.
    and it took me too long to type this bad typer
    and had i had nothing to do so what the hell
    have a great day now everyone[/list type=decimal]:hijacked: :disco: :wings:.. and a good way to pass the time
    :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
    best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

    #2
    life too funny i was bored

    OMG - you have totally cracked me up!!!
    Are these your own jokes? Brilliant!!!
    FINALLY -- I'm a non-drinker!!

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      #3
      life too funny i was bored

      sorry but they are not . found it on the net and like i said i was bored . i had to take the day off from work . i hurt my back doing yard work yesterday . glad you like it
      :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
      best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

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        #4
        life too funny i was bored

        Are those George Carlin or Steven Wright?
        I love those guys.

        Dx
        * * I love Determinator * *

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          #5
          life too funny i was bored

          I think a few of em come from the very talented Steven Wright.

          "My Nephew has H.D.A.D.D. High definition attention disorder...........He can barely pay attention but when he does he's unbelievably clear!!"

          "A friend of mine has a trophy wife..............but apparently it wasn't first place!"

          [ame=http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=20263 83632]MySpaceTV Videos: STEVEN WRIGHT - LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN by steven wright[/ame]

          Love and Happiness
          Hippie
          xx
          "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
          Clean and sober 25th January 2009

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            #6
            life too funny i was bored

            Thank you so much! I needed the laughs!
            BHOG
            War isn't working. Let's try Peace!

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