1.Now that food has replaced s* x in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said implants?" She hit me.
4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Sh* thead's.
11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one
special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am
perfect.
13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of
consecutive days I've stayed alive.
14. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having
a peeing section in a swimming pool?
15. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
16. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
17. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
18. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun
2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said implants?" She hit me.
4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Sh* thead's.
11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one
special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am
perfect.
13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of
consecutive days I've stayed alive.
14. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having
a peeing section in a swimming pool?
15. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
16. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
17. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
18. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun