Funny Prayer/men bashing

[Guest]

OK ladies....this is for giggles and men...I just thought it was funny....disclamer this does not depict anyone living or dead or half alive...this is a reinactment all names have been changed for anonymity..oh yeah there are no names

Beauty
FEMALE PRAYER
---------------
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who?s not a creep,
One who?s handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who?ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he?s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, wont be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who?ll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend. Amen.

MALE PRAYER
--------------
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a
liquor store and a bass boat.
This doesn?t rhyme and I don?t care.

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

lol

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

funny prayer/men

Hey BW, I love it! Printing it right now for the girls @ work. New favorite.
Thanks, Judie

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

Hey RJ

Suggestion that we have a jokes/comic relief forum as well?

Marcie

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

Hallmark quotes

Things Hallmark cards don't say...
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your Husband!

I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell untill I met you!

When we were together ,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broke up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

I'm so miserable without you,
It's almost like your'e here.

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

HEE HE Judie

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

Courtesy of Cindy

Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He
immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the
guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff --
grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty,
and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."



"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss
nuclear power when you don't know @#%$?"

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

Re: Courtesy of Cindy

Oh You guys...I am falling out of my chair laughing so hard! I will have to print and remember these for when I am feeling down!
:rollin Thanks Bunches!:rollin
Tammie

Lol at me....upped my topa today, so I guess I can't type had to edit my spelling typo's on such a short post!8o Yep, I'm feeling pretty cool, lol. NOT. Have a good day all.

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

BW:

Ok, you Becca and Judie, have to start your own Jokes n' Riddles thread!

:lol
Brandy

I'm crackin up!

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

ME?? MEEEEE?????
I don't even TELL any jokes or riddles!! You just laugh at me cuz you think I'm crazy!! What am I, your jester? I make you laugh, do I? Oh, woe is me!! I have become a laughing stock with all of my talk of crazy marathons in which I will surely puke and how many hundreds of billions of gazillions of calories of wine I have consumed over my years. Was it the movie references? Austin Powers? Or fermented grapes? What have I done? OMG....the head shrinking!!!! I AM crazy!!
Oh Brandy, I must now surrender my pom poms and megaphone for some crazy hat with bells on it and shoes that are way too long and pointy!

Please still love me!!
bec

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

Excellent idea, Marcie (new thread). I'm convinced humor is a lifesaver. I'll set up a new forum and move these over--they're hilarious.

BTW, here's mine in honor of the guys on the board, ha:

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, gave him ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, are you going to buy beer instead of dinner?"

"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go out fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"But will you spend this money on green fees at a golf course instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Okay, but will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I want to catch for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "Actually, I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf, and sex."

[Just kidding about the beer. :-) ]

RJ

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

funny RJ!

BW

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

Australian males' definition of foreplay ....

"Oy, are you awake?"

OR

"Brace yourself, Brenda!"

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

from St Jude

I had to paste this one here from Judie! She's got another one somewhere that's hilarious too!

On a lighter note:
A woman calls her boss one morning & tells him, she can't come to work because she's not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks, "I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.
"What in thae H-- is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my ass coming in to work today!"
Have a nice day! Hugs Judie

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

Talk about anal/eye diseases....
This one's similar to Judies.....

After a particularly rotten day at work, a woman has completely had enough of her boss and finally vents her anger.
She screams, "You know what you need, Mr. Bossman? An opterectomy!!"
He looks bewildered and asks, "What the hell is an octerectomy?"
She replies, "It's an operation that severs the cord between your eyes and your anus - it corrects your shitty outlook on life."

Think I'll book myself in for one!!!

k8m8

[Guest]

Funny Prayer/men bashing

funny/men

Why do men become smarter during sex?
Because they're pluged into a genius !

Why don't women have men's brains?
We don't have a penis to put them in.

What do electric trains & women's breasts have in common?
They're intended
for children, but men usually play with them!

Why is a man's pee yellow & his sperm white?
So he can tell if he's coming or going.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they don't hump womens legs at parties.

OK I'll keep it kinda clean, Hugs, Judie