One for Hippie from Billy Connelly

[Victory]

Hello, my name is Billy and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50

billion f#cking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe if

you send them on, a poor six year old girl in Scotland with a breast on her

forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her
redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show.

And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and
everyone to whom you send "his" email, $1000?

How stupid are we?

Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid

by a model I just happen to run into the next day!

What a bunch of bullsh!t.

Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize

me in my sleep for not continuing a chain letter that was started by St

Peter in 5AD and brought to this country by midget pilgrim stowaways on the

Endeavour.

F#ck 'em!!

If you're going to forward something at least send me something mildly

amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and

this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel

from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't f#cking care.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing

to by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it's our own unpopularity.

The point being, if you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave

you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it.

If it's funny, send it on. Don't p!ss people off by making them feel guilty

about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to the arse of a

dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per

letter he'll receive if you forward this email.

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your

underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Have a nice day.

Billy Connelly

PS: Send me 15 bucks and then f#ck off





------ End of Forwarded Message

[Finding My Self]

One for Hippie from Billy Connelly

I love it!

I love Billy!

Thanks for a 'new Billy one'!!!

Thanks!

(Note: no forwarding recipient!!!!)

[Hovercat]

One for Hippie from Billy Connelly

Heh, good one! This one below is a particular favourite of mine to forward to people who send me glurgey E-mails, it always make me laugh every time

I am a very sick little boy.


My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying.


Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that any more.


The reason she is so sad is because I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I try to breathe. The doctors gave me an artificial body. It is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us having no money or insurance.


I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said nobody hires crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap bag. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap and it makes her sneeze and chafes her real bad.


I hope you will help me. You can help me if you mindlessly forward this e-mail to everyone you know. Mindlessly forward it to people you don't know, too.


Dr. Johansen said that for every person you mindlessly forward this email to, Bill Gates will team up with AOL and send a nickel to NASA. With that funding, NASA will collect prayers from school children all over America and have the astronauts take them up into space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will come back to earth and go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send all the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me get better, then.


Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Right now I can only be third base.


Every time you mindlessly forward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels and my dream will be closer to coming true. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body.


If you don't mindlessly forward this email, that's okay. Mommy says you're a mean and heartless bastard who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow, horrible death and then burn forever in Hell.


What kind of cruel person are you that you can't take five freakin' minutes to mindlessly forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame about ignoring a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy? Please help me. I try to be happy, but it's hard.


I wish I had a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty. I wish I could hold a kitty that wouldn't chew on me and try to bury its shit in the leaves of my burlap body. I wish that very much.


Thank You,
Billy "Smiles" Evans
(the boy with just a head, and a burlap sack for a body)