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    Taser Gun

    My Dad has one of these guns and he sent me this joke and confessed that he had considered on numerous occassions to trying it out.....
    The ad read: Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

    A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary
    submitted this:

    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
    interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a
    little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
    100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
    supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
    assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

    WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
    I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
    I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
    pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of
    electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
    Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the
    face of her microwave.

    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
    couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
    little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
    needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

    I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
    thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give
    this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some
    assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
    perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and
    taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock
    and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause
    muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
    purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
    Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the
    while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than
    3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy,
    bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
    I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
    as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from
    such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give
    myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my
    naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS
    OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!
    I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in
    the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
    over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
    with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
    nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
    position, and tingling in my legs?
    The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a
    picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an atempt to avoid
    getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

    Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of
    caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!
    You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
    violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be
    considered conservative?

    SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

    A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
    point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed
    the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
    The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally
    was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face
    felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88
    lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparrently I shit myself, but
    was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint
    smoke cloud above my head which I believe was came from my hair. I'm still
    looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe
    return!!

    'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'
    "The person who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the person doing it"

    #2
    Taser Gun

    DeeBee
    Oh my god, i have just got of the floor myself, this had me in stitches, i was feeling a bit down tonight but this has made my night, its the funniest thing i have ever heard, keep it coming.
    ACCEPTANCE IS A POWERFUL THING

    Comment


      #3
      Taser Gun

      thnx bee very entertaining hope u find your BALLS LOL GYCO

      Comment

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