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    Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

    Bad Name For your Dog



    Everybody who has a dog calls it something like "Rover" or "Spot" or "Bruno" But I thought I'd call my dog "Sex."

    Now my dog, Sex, has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the city hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too". Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said that I must have been quite a kid.

    When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with us. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the hotel was for sex. So I finally said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too."

    One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I told him, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." HE called me a show-off.

    When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I told the judge, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, "Me too."

    Last night Sex ran away. I spent hours looking for him around town. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at four o'clock in the morning?" I told him, "I'm looking for Sex." My trial comes up Friday :-(
    :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
    best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

    #2
    Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

    Colonoscopies

    Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

    1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

    2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

    3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

    4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

    5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

    6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

    7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

    8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

    9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

    10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

    11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

    12 . "God, now I know why I am not gay."

    And the best one of all..

    13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
    :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
    best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

    Comment


      #3
      Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

      Black Testicles



      A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

      "Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

      Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."

      He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

      Finally she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says, "There's nothing wrong with them!"

      Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies,

      "That was very nice but, are... my... test...results...back?"
      :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
      best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

      Comment


        #4
        Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

        The dog joke was exactly what I needed today, earlier today the sad tears now the laughing tears. THANK YOU

        Comment


          #5
          Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

          Things Learned the Hard Way



          1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

          2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

          3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

          4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

          5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

          6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

          7. Never lick a steak knife.

          8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

          9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

          10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

          11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

          12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

          13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

          14. Your friends love you anyway.

          15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
          :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
          best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

          Comment


            #6
            Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

            You are on a roll tlrgs..officially crowning you the king of comedy tonight..thanks for the laughs, I needed them - as One2 often says..if you didn't laugh, you'd cry

            :h
            Bandit
            There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.

            Comment


              #7
              Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

              5 Stages of Drunkenness



              Stage 1 - SMART
              This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.

              Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
              This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.

              Stage 3 - RICH
              This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.

              Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
              You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!

              Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
              This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
              :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
              best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

              Comment


                #8
                Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

                omg....the write my wife a note and tell her my head was not there...to funny
                Was an alcoholic yesterday, an alcoholic today and will still be an alcoholic tomorrow..... but I'm in charge now!

                Comment


                  #9
                  Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

                  God, maybe I should change my user name to sgrbi - cringing at this- these stages are so me
                  sorry, were me.
                  :h
                  Bandit
                  There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

                    Just the jokes I need to start the weekend. Too too funny

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

                      Tirgs...What Cohounese ! Like the squirel that found hit nuts Ha! IAD.
                      ?Be who you are and say what you feel because
                      those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?
                      Dr. Seuss

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

                        too funny IAD
                        :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
                        best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

                          [ame= ]YouTube - The Ventures - Wipe Out[/ame] Let's just wipe out !!!! Ha1 IAD
                          ?Be who you are and say what you feel because
                          those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.?
                          Dr. Seuss

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

                            :beach: life does change as long as you are willing to change yourself ..
                            best thing about the future it comes one day at a time..

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Bad Name For your Dog..You will lyao

                              :H
                              Formerly known as Starlight Impress.

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