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    A message from The Queen

    To the citizens of the United States of America
    from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth? II

    In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

    Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

    Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.

    Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

    To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

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    1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-'ise.'Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
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    2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S .English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
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    3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
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    4.You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
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    5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
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    6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
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    7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
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    8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
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    9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
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    10 Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
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    11 You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
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    12 Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
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    13 You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
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    14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
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    15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

    God Save the Queen!

    PS:Only share this with friends who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!

    #2
    A message from The Queen

    5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

    Laughing my ass off completely Shelby!!!!

    Oh the relationship between us and them has gone down the pan now!!!! ya bugger!!

    Love and Happiness
    Hippie
    xx
    "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
    Clean and sober 25th January 2009

    Comment


      #3
      A message from The Queen

      LOVE it!! And as for this part:
      Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
      I live right next door to Kansas (kinda like Gov Palin, I can see it from my house)... and I don't much fancy it, either!!!

      wip

      Comment


        #4
        A message from The Queen

        :H
        *Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result* Albert Einstein

        Comment


          #5
          A message from The Queen

          more2life;419863 wrote: I was expecting a post from Queen Lushy.
          Afraid to say, it's about the ENGLISH!!!lol

          How are you more?

          Love and Happiness
          Hippie
          xx
          "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
          Clean and sober 25th January 2009

          Comment


            #6
            A message from The Queen

            more2life;419863 wrote: I was expecting a post from Queen Lushy.
            That's exactly what I thought when I received this email!

            Comment


              #7
              A message from The Queen

              I'm ENGLISH??
              "Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children." Kahlil Gibran
              Clean and sober 25th January 2009

              Comment


                #8
                A message from The Queen

                This is really funny! Thanks

                Comment


                  #9
                  A message from The Queen

                  LOL! I thought you had broken into my PMs for a minute. This is very funny, thanks for sharing.
                  I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me

                  Comment


                    #10
                    A message from The Queen

                    The spelling could be worse Cupcake.... like kullor, nayboor.
                    Point 9: Hmmmm... and wot about great Aussie beer, and our cricket team.........AND we're also a member of the Commonwealth. Well, at least until Malcolm Turnbull becomes PM. LOL

                    Comment


                      #11
                      A message from The Queen

                      Wouldn't mind the language police!! Anybody out there ever 'conversate' someone???
                      sigpic
                      Never look down on a person unless you are offering them a hand up.
                      awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, Being creative, being Unique, being you - changing things to the way YOU know they can BE - Living the Life you Always imagined.awprint:

                      Comment


                        #12
                        A message from The Queen

                        Ooohh, a new word added to my vocabulary!!! Thanks Ruby.
                        Speaking of language the thing that really bugs me is "up coming" I often look skywards when anyone says that.
                        Like the cartoon.
                        "Duck"
                        "Where?"

                        Comment


                          #13
                          A message from The Queen

                          Anybody out there ever 'conversate' someone???
                          President Bush does this every day. LOL
                          Noelle sez "Do want you like, like what you do. Life is Good."

                          Comment


                            #14
                            A message from The Queen

                            Love it....
                            ?We are one another's angels?
                            Sober since 29/04/2007

                            Comment


                              #15
                              A message from The Queen

                              So I suppose that now we all have health care provided by Her Majesty??

                              Hot damn!! I'm telling those Cobra people to go take a hike!

                              wip

                              Comment

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