Forgive Your Enemies

[tlrgs]

Forgive Your Enemies



The preacher's Sunday sermon was, "Forgive Your Enemies." He asked all present how many have forgiven their enemies.

About half held up their hands.

He then repeated his question.

Now about 80 percent held up their hands.

He then repeated his question.

All responded, except one elderly lady.

"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any."

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-three." she replied.

"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, and said, "It's easy, I just outlived all those bitches.

[tlrgs]

Forgive Your Enemies

Saying the Right Thing

Saying the Right Thing



Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

[tlrgs]

Forgive Your Enemies

Top Ten Slogans Being Considered By Viagra

Top Ten Slogans Being Considered By Viagra



Viagra, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!"
Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.
Viagra, Like a rock!
Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight.
Viagra, Be all that you can be.
Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
Viagra, Tastes great! -- More filling!
Viagra, We bring good things to life!
This is your p*nis....This is your p*nis on drugs. Any questions?
Viagra, Strong enough for a man but made for a woman.

[tlrgs]

Forgive Your Enemies

Female Fantasy

Female Fantasy



In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify woman's ultimate fantasy. 97.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.

While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

[Cinders]

Forgive Your Enemies

tlrgs,


:H:H:H:H

Loved them!!
Cindi

[southernbelle47]

Forgive Your Enemies

Ah yeah.........cooking AND cleaning.......
Got me there!

[rubywillow]

Forgive Your Enemies

Thanks for the laugh!!! Now I'll live longer!!!

[Waiting for his way out]

Forgive Your Enemies

If I live until I am 93... Viagra will seem overrated and everything else that goes with it and I don't want to see any men, cleaning or cooking.. I probably will not want to see any men... period. just kidding.... Happy Friday.

[betty boop]

Forgive Your Enemies

Thanks T, loved them ..........

BB xx

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Forgive Your Enemies

Heard it before tl, but still LMAO.......I can just picture her........hilarious!!!

Darling x

[vera-b]

Forgive Your Enemies

Thanks T,

Loved them all, especially the man who said the right thing about being married. Wish we were all so good! Where do you get this stuff?

Vera-b

[bald headed old guy]

Forgive Your Enemies

Great ending to my otherwise rugged day! thanks !
BHOG