The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher ..........
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years.
I have two kids myself, but the best birth story
I know is the one I saw in my own second grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I
always have a few sessions with my students.
It helps them get over shyness and usually,
show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet
turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they
catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place
any boundaries or limitations on them. If they
want to lug it in to school and talk about it,
they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright,
very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles
up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed
under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke,
my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about
his birthday.'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of
their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's
stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine
months through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow,
and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my
camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts
saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand
behind her back and groans. 'She walked around
the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this
kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies,
but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the
Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in
bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back
against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she
kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew
up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'
(This kid has her legs spread with her little hands
miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,'
and 'breathe, breathe. T hey started counting, but
never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky
stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside
there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and
returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the
loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another
'Middle Wife' comes along.
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years.
I have two kids myself, but the best birth story
I know is the one I saw in my own second grade
classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I
always have a few sessions with my students.
It helps them get over shyness and usually,
show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet
turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they
catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place
any boundaries or limitations on them. If they
want to lug it in to school and talk about it,
they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright,
very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles
up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed
under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke,
my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about
his birthday.'
'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of
their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's
stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine
months through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow,
and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my
camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts
saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand
behind her back and groans. 'She walked around
the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this
kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies,
but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the
Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in
bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back
against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she
kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew
up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!'
(This kid has her legs spread with her little hands
miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,'
and 'breathe, breathe. T hey started counting, but
never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky
stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside
there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and
returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the
loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another
'Middle Wife' comes along.