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Think Before You Speak

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    Think Before You Speak

    Here are six reasons why you should
    think before you speak -
    the last one is
    great!
    Have you ever spoken and wished that
    you could
    immediately take the words
    back...
    or that you could crawl into a
    hole?
    Here are the Testimonials of a few
    people who did....
    FIRST
    TESTIMONY:
    I walked into a hair salon with my
    husband and three kids in tow
    and asked loudly,
    'How much do you charge for a
    shampoo and a blow job?'
    I turned around and walked back out
    and never went back
    My husband didn't say a
    word...
    he knew better.
    SECOND TESTIMONY:
    I was at the golf store comparing
    different kinds of golf balls.
    I was unhappy with the women's type
    I had been using.
    After browsing for several
    minutes,
    I was approached by one of the
    good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
    He asked if he could help
    me.
    Without thinking, I looked at him
    and said, 'I think I like playing with men 's
    balls .
    THIRD TESTIMONY:
    My sister and I were at the mall
    and
    passed by a store that sold
    a
    variety of candy and
    nuts.
    As we were looking at the display
    case,
    the boy behind the counter asked if
    we needed any help.
    I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at
    your nuts.'
    My sister started to laugh
    hysterically.
    The boy grinned, and I turned
    beet-red and walked away.
    To this day,
    my sister has never let me
    forget.
    FOURTH TESTIMONY
    :
    While in line at the bank one
    afternoon,
    my toddler decided to
    release
    some pent-up energy and ran
    amok.
    I was finally able to grab hold
    of
    her after receiving looks of
    disgust
    and annoyance from other
    patrons.
    I told her that if she did not start
    behaving
    'right now' she would be
    punished.
    To my horror, she looked me in the
    eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
    'If you don't let me go right now,
    I will tell Grandma that I saw you
    kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'
    The silence was deafening after this
    enlightening exchange.
    Even the tellers stopped what they
    were doing.
    I mustered up the last of my dignity
    and
    walked out of the bank with my
    daughter in tow.
    The last thing I heard when the door
    closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
    FIFTH TESTIMONY:
    Have you ever asked your child a
    question too many times?
    My three-year-old son had a lot of
    problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
    One day we stopped at Taco Bell for
    a quick lunch, in between errands
    It was very busy, with a full dining
    room.
    While enjoying my taco,
    I smelled something
    funny,
    so of course I
    checked
    my seven-month-old daughter, she was
    clean.
    The realized that
    Danny
    had not asked to go potty in a
    while.
    I asked him if he needed to
    go,
    and he said 'No'
    .
    I kept thinking
    'Oh Lord, that child has had an
    accident, and I don't have any clothes with me.'
    Then I said,
    'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have
    an accident?'
    'No,' he replied.
    I just KNEW that he must have had an
    accident, because the smell was getting worse.
    Soooooo, I asked one more time,
    'Danny did you have an accident ?This time he jumped up, yanked down his
    pants,
    bent over, spread his cheeks
    and yelled
    'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST
    FARTS!!'
    While 30 people nearly choked to
    death on their tacos laughing,
    he calmly pulled up his pants and
    sat down.
    An old couple made me feel better,
    thanking me for the best laugh
    they'd ever had!
    LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
    This had most of the state of
    Michigan laughing for 2 days
    and a very embarrassed female news
    anchor who will,
    in the future, likely think before
    she speaks.
    What happens when you predict snow
    but don't get any!
    We had a female news anchor that,
    the day after it was supposed to
    have snowed and didn't,
    turned to the weatherman and asked:
    'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you
    promised me last night?'
    Not only did HE have to leave the
    set,
    but half the crew did too they were
    laughing so hard!
    AF since 1/2009

    #2
    Think Before You Speak

    I have nearly fallen off my chair, I have been laughing so loud.

    Comment


      #3
      Think Before You Speak

      OMG...Great Thread...funny beyond words !!! No way i can even come close to those BUT>>>>
      When we first moved here and were trying to find the seafood shack to buy some Blue Crabs, to have a seafood boil dinner.
      As we drove here, there and it seemed like everywhere asking directions as we went...people would say turn left, right ETC...
      We finally found ourselves in the slums...hubby was ready to give up but i said...just one more try PLEASE???? OK he said and rolled down the window and yelled at the nearest person (a black lady) HEY, does anyone know where you get CRABS around here...
      Having realized that maybe wasn't the smartest thing he had ever done, we tried to figure out how to leave the area...just then a big red Cadillac pulled up behind us and the man started waving at us..

      We were never sure if that was a PIMP or an irritate boyfriend of the woman he had hollered at. ???
      sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!

      Comment

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