Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of "The slopes" as written by a New Orleans paper:
A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah with the kind
Of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart.
Conditions were perfect...12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic
Numbness all over...the "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.
One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in
Dire need of a rest room. He told her not to worry, that he was sure
There was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder
Room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the
Pain did not go away.
If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know
That a temperature of 12 below doesn't help matters. With time running
Out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband,picking up on the
Intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white
Ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would even notice.
He assured her, "The white will provide more than adequate camouflage."
So she headed for the tree line, began lowering her ski pants and
Proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope,
Then you know there is a right way and wrong way to set your skis so you
Don't move. Yup, you got it!!! She had them positioned the wrong way.
Steep slopes are not forgiving...even during the most embarrassing
Moments. Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward,
Out-of-control, racing through the trees...somehow missing all of them
And onto another slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still
Bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all
The while. She continued backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an
Unusual vista for the other skiers. The woman skied back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon.
The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her
Ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie
Show, then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to a local
Hospital.
While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put
In the bed next to hers. "So, how'd you break your leg?" she asked,
Making small talk.
"It was the stupidest thing you ever saw," he said. "I was riding up
This ski lift and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There was this
Crazy woman skiing backward out-of-control down the mountain, with her
Bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over to get a better look
And fell out of the lift.... So, how'd you break your arm?"
A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah with the kind
Of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart.
Conditions were perfect...12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic
Numbness all over...the "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.
One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in
Dire need of a rest room. He told her not to worry, that he was sure
There was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder
Room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the
Pain did not go away.
If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know
That a temperature of 12 below doesn't help matters. With time running
Out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband,picking up on the
Intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white
Ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would even notice.
He assured her, "The white will provide more than adequate camouflage."
So she headed for the tree line, began lowering her ski pants and
Proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope,
Then you know there is a right way and wrong way to set your skis so you
Don't move. Yup, you got it!!! She had them positioned the wrong way.
Steep slopes are not forgiving...even during the most embarrassing
Moments. Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward,
Out-of-control, racing through the trees...somehow missing all of them
And onto another slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still
Bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all
The while. She continued backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an
Unusual vista for the other skiers. The woman skied back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon.
The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her
Ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie
Show, then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to a local
Hospital.
While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put
In the bed next to hers. "So, how'd you break your leg?" she asked,
Making small talk.
"It was the stupidest thing you ever saw," he said. "I was riding up
This ski lift and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There was this
Crazy woman skiing backward out-of-control down the mountain, with her
Bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over to get a better look
And fell out of the lift.... So, how'd you break your arm?"
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