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Dear Abby

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    Dear Abby

    Dear Abby,

    I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a
    carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and
    one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.

    My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
    marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are
    prostitutes in Jersey City.

    I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in
    Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently
    being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of neglecting his
    three children.

    I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives
    in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel.
    Her time there is limited, however, as we hope to open our own brothel with
    her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested
    in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute
    themselves, it would get them off the street, and, hopefully, the heroin.

    My problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into
    the family, and of course, I want to be totally honest with her. So here's
    where I need your advice.

    Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Bush?

    Signed,

    Worried About My Reputation
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