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    British tax agent

    A Tax man with a sense of humour wonders never cease!

    Subject: H M Customs & Revenue with a sense of humour


    This is a real reply from the Inland Revenue. The Guardian newspaper had to
    ask for special permission to print it.





    Dear Mr Addison,


    I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to

    our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I

    will address them, as ever, in order.


    Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging

    letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand".

    This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy,

    traditionally referred to such documents.


    Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent
    whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the

    doormat" has been noted.

    However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer

    I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate

    banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to

    "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised.


    In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters

    do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity".

    More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to

    contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.


    Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth

    in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the

    canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's

    rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the

    government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party"

    yourself.


    The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the

    funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off

    the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish

    lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted

    for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."


    A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:


    1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins"on the envelope has to do with

    the vagaries of the postal system;


    2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with nothing

    else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the

    Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics

    involved would make it financially unviable.


    I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish

    to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that

    even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live

    in India" you would still owe us the money.


    Please send it to us by Friday.


    Yours sincerely,




    H J Lee

    Customer Relations

    Inland Revenue

    #2
    British tax agent

    I think I'm in love with H J Lee.

    Comment


      #3
      British tax agent

      Brilliant! The Irish one is even better - will post it.
      M

      Comment


        #4
        British tax agent

        :H:H:H
        Okay, WHO put a stop payment on my reality check?

        Winning since October 24th, 2013

        Comment


          #5
          British tax agent

          Please sign me up for the H J Lee fan club.
          Wally22:confusedmonkey::confusedmonkey::confusedmo nkey:
          If I don't want to brag but I can still wear the earings I wore in highschool
          November 2, 2012

          Comment


            #6
            British tax agent

            :H:H:H:H
            Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
            Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

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