Ponderisms

[brightlite]

I used to eat a lot of natural food until I learned that most people die from natural causes.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out"?

If Jimmy cracks corn and nobody cares, why is there a song about him?

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Does pushing an elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

[brightlite]

Ponderisms

Wait there's more

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

[brightlite]

Ponderisms

Just a few more

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of murdered?

Why is it that people say "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet Song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteriod when it's outside the hemisphere and a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Why is it called a driveway when you park there and a parkway when you drive there?

If you spin an oriental person around several times, does he become disoriented?

Why is the man that invests all your money called a broker?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

What hair color do they put on a bald man's driver license?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? Are we supposed to write to them? Why don't they put their pictures on postage stamps so the postman can look for them while they deliver the mail?

If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what are the Tennessee Titans?

Why don't penguins feet freeze?

When blind men die, do they see the light?

Why does Superman wear his underwear on the outside?

:H:H:H

[adi]

Ponderisms

Now you're making me think - dangerous, but very amusing.
Thanks.

[one2many]

Ponderisms

Love this!! Thanks for posting!