Some of these are just so funny, I had to share :H
Garage Door
> >
> > The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down
> > and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This
> > morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss
> > told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office
> > puzzled by the question.
> >
> > As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and
> > zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage
> > door'
> >
> > He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my
> > garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
> >
> > She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two
> > flat tires...
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> > An elderly gentleman....
> >
> > Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor
> > and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that
> > allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
> >
> > The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
> > said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you
> > can hear again.'
> >
> > The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
> >
> > I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will
> > three times!'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under
> > a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and
> > I'm just full of aches and pains.. I know you're about my age. How do you
> > feel?'
> >
> > Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
> >
> > 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
> >
> > 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
> > the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
> >
> > The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a
> > new restaurant and it was really great... I would recommend it very highly.'
> >
> >
> > The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
> >
> > The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of
> > that flower you give to someone you love?
> >
> > You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
> >
> > 'Do you mean a rose?'
> >
> > 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen
> > and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
> > night?'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
> > However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
> > already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who
> > insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
> >
> > After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
> > elevator.
> >
> > On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him..
> >
> > 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
> > of her hospital gown.'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> > Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During
> > a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they
> > might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
> >
> > Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
> > 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
> >
> > 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
> >
> > 'Sure...'
> >
> > 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
> >
> >
> > 'No, I can remember it.'
> >
> > 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it
> > down, so as not to forget it?'
> >
> > He says, 'I can remember that.. You want a bowl of ice cream with
> > strawberries.'
> >
> > 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
> > down?' she asks.
> >
> > Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice
> > cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
> >
> > Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man
> > returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs... She
> > stares at the plate for a moment..
> >
> > 'Where's my toast ?'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> >
> > 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!'
> >
> > 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!'
> >
> > 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.'
> >
> > 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well..'
> >
> > 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
> >
> > 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.'
> >
> > 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
> >
> > 'Because she can still drive!'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Three old guys are out walking.
> >
> > First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
> >
> > Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
> >
> > Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me
> > four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
> >
> > 'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
> >
> > 'Twelve thirty..'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
> >
> > A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
> > gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> >
> > A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really
> > doing great, aren't you?'
> >
> > Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
> > cheerful''
> >
> > The doctor said, 'I didn't say that... I said, 'You've got a heart murmur;
> > be careful.'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > One more. . .!
> >
> > A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
> > slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a
> > banana split.
> >
> > The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
> >
> > 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Now , before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who
> > could use a good laugh !!
Garage Door
> >
> > The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down
> > and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This
> > morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss
> > told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office
> > puzzled by the question.
> >
> > As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and
> > zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage
> > door'
> >
> > He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my
> > garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
> >
> > She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two
> > flat tires...
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> > An elderly gentleman....
> >
> > Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor
> > and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that
> > allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
> >
> > The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
> > said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you
> > can hear again.'
> >
> > The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
> >
> > I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will
> > three times!'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under
> > a tree when one turns to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and
> > I'm just full of aches and pains.. I know you're about my age. How do you
> > feel?'
> >
> > Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
> >
> > 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
> >
> > 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
> > the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
> >
> > The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a
> > new restaurant and it was really great... I would recommend it very highly.'
> >
> >
> > The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
> >
> > The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of
> > that flower you give to someone you love?
> >
> > You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.'
> >
> > 'Do you mean a rose?'
> >
> > 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen
> > and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last
> > night?'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged.
> > However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman
> > already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who
> > insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
> >
> > After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
> > elevator.
> >
> > On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him..
> >
> > 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
> > of her hospital gown.'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> > Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During
> > a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they
> > might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
> >
> > Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
> > 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
> >
> > 'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
> >
> > 'Sure...'
> >
> > 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
> >
> >
> > 'No, I can remember it.'
> >
> > 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it
> > down, so as not to forget it?'
> >
> > He says, 'I can remember that.. You want a bowl of ice cream with
> > strawberries.'
> >
> > 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
> > down?' she asks.
> >
> > Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice
> > cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
> >
> > Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man
> > returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs... She
> > stares at the plate for a moment..
> >
> > 'Where's my toast ?'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
> >
> > 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!'
> >
> > 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!'
> >
> > 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.'
> >
> > 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well..'
> >
> > 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
> >
> > 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.'
> >
> > 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
> >
> > 'Because she can still drive!'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Three old guys are out walking.
> >
> > First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
> >
> > Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
> >
> > Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me
> > four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
> >
> > 'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
> >
> > 'Twelve thirty..'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
> >
> > A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
> > gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> >
> > A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really
> > doing great, aren't you?'
> >
> > Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
> > cheerful''
> >
> > The doctor said, 'I didn't say that... I said, 'You've got a heart murmur;
> > be careful.'
> >
> >
> >
> > _____
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > One more. . .!
> >
> > A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
> > slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a
> > banana split.
> >
> > The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
> >
> > 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Now , before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know who
> > could use a good laugh !!
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
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