These are based on actual court transcripts!!!! enjoy!
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Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
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Q: Were you acquainted with the defendant?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Before or after he died?
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THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information from your minds, if you have any.
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Q: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A: No.
Q: What was he doing with the dog's ears?
A: Picking them up in the air.
Q: Where was the dog at this time?
A: Attached to the ears.
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Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
LAWYER: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
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Q: And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: How old are you?
A: Oral.
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Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
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Lawyer: ...and what did he do then?
A: He came home, and next morning he was dead.
Lawyer: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?
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Lawyer: Could you see him from where you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Lawyer: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.
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Q: Do you drink when you're on duty?
A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
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Lawyer: (Showing man picture.) Is that you?
A: Yes, sir.
Lawyer: And you were present when the picture was taken, right?
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Lawyer: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
A: I have only one, you know.
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Lawyer: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?
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Lawyer: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Lawyer: And what were you doing at that time?
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Lawyer: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?
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Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
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Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
:H
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Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Were you acquainted with the defendant?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: Before or after he died?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information from your minds, if you have any.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
A: No.
Q: What was he doing with the dog's ears?
A: Picking them up in the air.
Q: Where was the dog at this time?
A: Attached to the ears.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
LAWYER: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: And lastly, Gary, all your responses must be oral. O.K.? What school do you go to?
A: Oral.
Q: How old are you?
A: Oral.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is your relationship with the plaintiff?
A: She is my daughter.
Q: Was she your daughter on February 13, 1979?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer: ...and what did he do then?
A: He came home, and next morning he was dead.
Lawyer: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer: Could you see him from where you were standing?
A: I could see his head.
Lawyer: And where was his head?
A: Just above his shoulders.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you drink when you're on duty?
A: I don't drink when I'm on duty, unless I come on duty drunk.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer: (Showing man picture.) Is that you?
A: Yes, sir.
Lawyer: And you were present when the picture was taken, right?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?
A: I have only one, you know.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer: The youngest son, the 20-year old, how old is he?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Lawyer: And what were you doing at that time?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.
:H
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