Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
When the cop got out of his car, the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," said the cop.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could."
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it his truck gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car, walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver replied, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the counter. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks who are ahead of you in line first. I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He responded loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without missing a beat, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 who does not know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and said, "F*** you!"
Without so much as a flinch, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."
Snappy Answer #6
A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time, when finally the last lady is ready to hit the ball. She hacks it 10 feet, goes over, whiffs it, and then hacks it maybe another 10 feet, then hacks it another 5 feet. She looks up at the men who are watching a bit impatiently.
She stares back at them and says defiantly, "Obviously all those f***ing lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men smiled. "Well, there you have it lady. Maybe you should have taken golf lessons instead."
Snappy Answer #7
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
Snappy Answer #8
A college teacher reminded her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
When the cop got out of his car, the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," said the cop.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well, I got here as fast as I could."
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it his truck gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car, walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver replied, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the counter. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks who are ahead of you in line first. I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He responded loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without missing a beat, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 who does not know who he is. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and said, "F*** you!"
Without so much as a flinch, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."
Snappy Answer #6
A foursome is waiting on the men's tee while another foursome of ladies is hitting from the ladies' tee. The ladies are taking their time, when finally the last lady is ready to hit the ball. She hacks it 10 feet, goes over, whiffs it, and then hacks it maybe another 10 feet, then hacks it another 5 feet. She looks up at the men who are watching a bit impatiently.
She stares back at them and says defiantly, "Obviously all those f***ing lessons I took this winter didn't help."
One of the men smiled. "Well, there you have it lady. Maybe you should have taken golf lessons instead."
Snappy Answer #7
It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
Snappy Answer #8
A college teacher reminded her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
Thanks for the chuckle ...I look foreword to this every morning!!!
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