I can post these (not my own) without worry, since I come from a long line of rednecks.
Slicker than a harpooned hippo on a banana tree.
-- submitted by Rich Postma, Holland, MI
He'd bitch if you hung him with a new rope.
-- submitted by Frances Wike, Houston, TX
Don't worry too much about it. Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag.
-- submitted by Sharla McGriff, Pine Blufff, AR
That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball.
-- submitted by Kyle Schellinger, Houston, TX
You couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.( bad shot)
-- submitted by Ryan, Lubbock, TX
I'm bowed up like a Halloween Cat.
-- submitted by Robert Lee, Rock Hill, SC
He's ridin' a gravy train on biscuit wheels.
-- submitted by Randy, Weslaco, TX
Ain't no point in beatin' a dead horse...'course, can't hurt none either.
-- submitted by Johnnie Paul Elliot, Dallas, TX
I'd love to have a dress just like that,
but I don't go to many Puerto Rican proms.
-- submitted by Frances Wike, Houston, TX
Madder than a bobcat caught in a piss fire.
-- submitted by Kristopher Izzi, Indianapolis, IN
He's so stupid, he couldn't find his ass with both hands.
-- submitted by Stephanie, Las Vegas, NV
Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.
-- submitted by Keith, Los Angeles, CA
That'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter.
Nuttier than a Squirrel turd.
-- submitted by David Easter, Park Hills, MO
I'd rather jump barefoot off a 6-foot step ladder into a
5 gallon bucket full of porcupines than...
-- submitted by T. Harris, Hope, IN
You catch more flies with jam than you do with vinegar.
-- submitted by Richard, Chesterfield, Derbyshire, England
As easy as herding chickens.
-- submitted by JignPig, Dallas, TX
Richer than 3 feet up a bull's ass (bull manure is expecially good fertilizer).
-- submitted by Jim Muehlhausen, Sacramento, CA
Tighter than a skeeter's ass in a nose dive.
-- submitted by C.P., Freeport, MA
I'm so hungry, I'd eat the balls off a low flying duck!
-- submitted by Donald McAteer, Donegal
She's wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister's
wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
-- submitted by Heather Boles, Ft. Worth, TX
She's as useful as a tit on a boar hog.
-- submitted by Chris Connor, Austin, TX
Nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.
-- submitted by Anonymous, Ashland, KY
You're as handy as a cow on a crutch.
You got to be 10% smarter than the equipment you're runnin'.
-- submitted by Jen McQueen, St. Thomas, VI
My sister is soooooo ugly, we had to tie a pork chop around her
neck to get the dogs to play her.
-- submitted by Jeanne, Richmond, VA
She's purtier than a mess of fried catfish.
-- submitted by Will and Christie Edwards, Anna, TX
Hornier than a two peckered billy goat.
-- submitted by Bollox, Holland
Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking place.
-- submitted by Jimbo, Harbor Creek, PA
Busier than a cat covering up shit on a concrete floor.
-- submitted by Brandon Miller, Lexington, KY
Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.
-- submitted by Joe Blow, T.O. Ontartio
Busier than a stump full of ants.
-- submitted by Forrest, Dayton, OH
That dawg won't hunt.
-- submitted by Ted, Norfolk, VA
It's colder than a mother-in-law's love.
-- submitted by Forrest, Dayton, OH
You're slower than molasses on a cold day.
-- submitted by Brandon K., Lubbock, TX
Slicker than a harpooned hippo on a banana tree.
-- submitted by Rich Postma, Holland, MI
He'd bitch if you hung him with a new rope.
-- submitted by Frances Wike, Houston, TX
Don't worry too much about it. Just do all you can do and let the rough end drag.
-- submitted by Sharla McGriff, Pine Blufff, AR
That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball.
-- submitted by Kyle Schellinger, Houston, TX
You couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.( bad shot)
-- submitted by Ryan, Lubbock, TX
I'm bowed up like a Halloween Cat.
-- submitted by Robert Lee, Rock Hill, SC
He's ridin' a gravy train on biscuit wheels.
-- submitted by Randy, Weslaco, TX
Ain't no point in beatin' a dead horse...'course, can't hurt none either.
-- submitted by Johnnie Paul Elliot, Dallas, TX
I'd love to have a dress just like that,
but I don't go to many Puerto Rican proms.
-- submitted by Frances Wike, Houston, TX
Madder than a bobcat caught in a piss fire.
-- submitted by Kristopher Izzi, Indianapolis, IN
He's so stupid, he couldn't find his ass with both hands.
-- submitted by Stephanie, Las Vegas, NV
Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya.
-- submitted by Keith, Los Angeles, CA
That'll go over like a pregnant pole vaulter.
Nuttier than a Squirrel turd.
-- submitted by David Easter, Park Hills, MO
I'd rather jump barefoot off a 6-foot step ladder into a
5 gallon bucket full of porcupines than...
-- submitted by T. Harris, Hope, IN
You catch more flies with jam than you do with vinegar.
-- submitted by Richard, Chesterfield, Derbyshire, England
As easy as herding chickens.
-- submitted by JignPig, Dallas, TX
Richer than 3 feet up a bull's ass (bull manure is expecially good fertilizer).
-- submitted by Jim Muehlhausen, Sacramento, CA
Tighter than a skeeter's ass in a nose dive.
-- submitted by C.P., Freeport, MA
I'm so hungry, I'd eat the balls off a low flying duck!
-- submitted by Donald McAteer, Donegal
She's wound up tighter than the girdle of a baptist minister's
wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
-- submitted by Heather Boles, Ft. Worth, TX
She's as useful as a tit on a boar hog.
-- submitted by Chris Connor, Austin, TX
Nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.
-- submitted by Anonymous, Ashland, KY
You're as handy as a cow on a crutch.
You got to be 10% smarter than the equipment you're runnin'.
-- submitted by Jen McQueen, St. Thomas, VI
My sister is soooooo ugly, we had to tie a pork chop around her
neck to get the dogs to play her.
-- submitted by Jeanne, Richmond, VA
She's purtier than a mess of fried catfish.
-- submitted by Will and Christie Edwards, Anna, TX
Hornier than a two peckered billy goat.
-- submitted by Bollox, Holland
Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking place.
-- submitted by Jimbo, Harbor Creek, PA
Busier than a cat covering up shit on a concrete floor.
-- submitted by Brandon Miller, Lexington, KY
Ain't no thing but a chicken wing.
-- submitted by Joe Blow, T.O. Ontartio
Busier than a stump full of ants.
-- submitted by Forrest, Dayton, OH
That dawg won't hunt.
-- submitted by Ted, Norfolk, VA
It's colder than a mother-in-law's love.
-- submitted by Forrest, Dayton, OH
You're slower than molasses on a cold day.
-- submitted by Brandon K., Lubbock, TX
awprint: RUBY Imagine yourself doing What you love and loving What you do, Being happy From the inside Out, experiencing your Dreams wide awake, 
Just a thought ! Ha! ( Do you have this plague in your house ? ha! ) IAD
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