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A few one liners

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    A few one liners

    My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

    Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador.""f*ck that" says Mick? have you seen how many of their owners go blind"

    Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead? The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!

    I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg"

    I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had ?1.20 in her purse.

    My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

    I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid.......then I was petrified.


    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said I would like to come back as a cow. I said your obviously not f--k--g listening.

    The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.


    :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

    Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
    I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

    This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

    #2
    A few one liners

    Classic :H:H:H
    Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

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      #3
      A few one liners

      Mario , absolutely brilliant ,
      Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! KISS SLOWLY Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. sigpic


      Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...

      ?Oh no....he's awake!! Cos he's bleeding sober again

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        #4
        A few one liners

        That is so feckin funny!!!!
        Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
        Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

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          #5
          A few one liners

          They are bleedin deadly xxxx
          "It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

          AF 10th May 2010
          NF 12th May 2010

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            #6
            A few one liners

            :H So bad ,..they're good.
            The only thing worth stealing is a kiss...:flower: zwink:

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              #7
              A few one liners

              :H Thanks Mario, Brightened up my day.

              'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

              Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

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                #8
                A few one liners

                hahahaha your a work of ART hahahahah

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