Nuns

[Hawk]

The 98-year-old Mother Superior from a monastery in Scotland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried to give her some warm milk, but she initially refused. Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Scotch whisky received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more, and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you go to the Lord." She raised herself in bed and with a pious look on her face said, ?Don't sell that cow.":H

[Popeye]

Nuns

A young nun, starting her first day at a convent, was told
'This as you know is a silent order. Once you leave this room, you will only be allowed to speak one sentence every ten years. Is that agreeable to you?'
'Of course.' She replied
After ten years of nunly life, she is called to see the Mother Superior, who asks if she has anything to say.
'My room is cold.'
'Alright,' said the elder nun, 'I shall see to it.'
Another ten years passed, and it was our nun's time to speak again.
'Have you anything to say?' she was asked.
'My bed is too hard.' she answered.
'Very well, I shall see to it.' the Mother Superior said.
Ten more years passed and, once more the nun now in her middle age, was summoned to say her piece.
'Have you anything to say?' the now frail Mother Superior asked.
' I'm leaving.' said the younger nun.
'Oh thank God for that, you've done nothing but moan since you got here.'

[Mackeral]

Nuns

Nun Jokes are the best...

[irishlady]

Nuns

And then there were the two nuns working in the convent garden,..." be careful of the Mother Superior today " said the older nun to the younger one....." she got out of the wrong side of bed this morning ".

" How do you know that? " asked the younger one.

" Because she's got Father Murphys boots on " replied the older one.

[Paddy]

Nuns

Yup, those jokes are great! Here's another one -

Three nuns who had recently died where on their way to heaven. At the
pearly gates they were met by St. Peter. Around the gates there was a
collection of lights and bells.

St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to
answer a question before they could enter through the pearly gates.

St. Paul: "What were the names of the two people in the garden of
Eden?"

1st nun: "Adam and Eve" The lights flashed, the bells rang and in she
went through the pearly gates.

St. Paul: "What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?"

2nd nun: "An apple" The lights flashed, the bells rang and in she went
through the pearly gates.

And finally it came the turn of the last nun.

St. Paul: "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam ?"

After a few minutes thinking she says "Gosh, that's a hard one!" The
lights flashed, the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates!

[Paddy]

Nuns

One more for the road -

It was Friday, and four nuns went to the priest at the local Catholic
church to ask for the weekend off. They argued back and forth for a
few minutes. Finally the priest agreed to let them leave the convent
for the weekend. "However", he said, "as soon as you get back Monday
morning I want you to confess to me what you did over the weekend."
The four nuns agree, and run off.

Monday comes, and the four nuns return. The first nun goes to the
priest and says, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." The priest
asks, "What did you do, Sister?" She replies, "I watched an R-rated
movie." The priest looks up at heaven for a few seconds, then replies,
"You are forgiven. Go and drink the holy water." The first nun leaves,
and the fourth nun begins to chuckle quietly under her breath.

The second nun then goes up to the preist and says, "Forgive me,
Father, for I have sinned." The priest replies, "OK, what happened?"
She says, "I was driving my brother's car down the street in front of
his house, and I hit a neighbor's dog and killed it." The priest looks
up to heaven for half a minute, then says, "You are forgiven. Go and
drink the holy water." The second nun goes out. By this time, the
fourth nun is laughing quite audibly.

Then the third nun walks to the priest and says, "Forgive me, Father,
I have sinned." The priest asks" Out with it. What did you do?"
She says, "Last night, I ran naked up and down Main Street." The
priest looks up at heaven for a full five minutes before responding,
"God forgives you. Go and drink the holy water." She leaves. The
fourth nun falls on the floor, laughing so hard tears run down her
cheeks.

The priest asks her, "OK. What did you do that was so bloody funny?"

The fourth nun replies, "I peed in the holy water..."

[Mackeral]

Nuns

Excellent Paddy:H