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    Pilot/Passenger/Santa jokes

    "Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land. 600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct! "

    "Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, which art in heaven...'"



    .................................................. .................................................. .........................


    A blond gets on a plane and goes up to first-class.

    The flight attendant tells her that she will have to move back; her ticket is not for first class. The blond says, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to California."

    The main flight attendant is brought in and explains that she will have to move.

    The blond says, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to California."

    The attendants tell the pilot. He comes in and looks the situation over. He leans over and whispers something to the blond and she gets up immediately and moves out of first class.

    The attendants are flabbergasted, "What did you say to her?"

    "I just told her that this section of the plane doesn't go to California."


    (sorry blondies ,)
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    However my favourite by far


    Santa and the FAA

    Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and the FAA examiner arrived last week for the pre-Christmas flight check.

    In preparation, Santa had the elves wash the sled and bathe all the reindeer. Santa got his log book out and made sure all his paperwork was in order. He knew they would examine all his equipment and truly put Santa's flying skills to the test.

    The examiner walked slowly around the sled. He checked the reindeer harnesses, the landing gear, and even Rudolph's nose. He painstakingly reviewed Santa's weight and balance calculations for sled's enormous payload. Finally, they were ready for the check ride. Santa got in and fastened his seat belt and shoulder harness and checked the compass.

    Then the examiner hopped in carrying, to Santa's surprise, a shotgun.

    "What's that for?!?" Asked Santa incredulously.

    The examiner winked and said,

    "I'm not supposed to tell you this ahead of time," as he leaned over to whisper in Santa's ear, "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."
    Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! KISS SLOWLY Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. sigpic


    Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...

    ?Oh no....he's awake!! Cos he's bleeding sober again

    #2
    Pilot/Passenger/Santa jokes

    Good to see you back Foamfollower. :heart:
    THOUGHTS become THINGS
    choose the GOOD
    ones!

    AF since 5/22/11 :boxer: Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.............

    Comment


      #3
      Pilot/Passenger/Santa jokes

      "but you're gonna lose an engine on takeoff."
      :H :H :H .
      Hope your well FF
      AF 5/jan/2011

      Comment


        #4
        Pilot/Passenger/Santa jokes

        Thanks guys good to be back, coming to terms with it all in a sober manner. Before finding this site, would be in a terrible mess by now. I have visited every day to bolster my resolve.
        Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! KISS SLOWLY Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. sigpic


        Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...

        ?Oh no....he's awake!! Cos he's bleeding sober again

        Comment


          #5
          Pilot/Passenger/Santa jokes

          :goodjob:
          THOUGHTS become THINGS
          choose the GOOD
          ones!

          AF since 5/22/11 :boxer: Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.............

          Comment


            #6
            Pilot/Passenger/Santa jokes

            Okay FF - as usual, I don't get it - the santa one.....
            How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

            Comment


              #7
              Pilot/Passenger/Santa jokes

              sunshinedaisies;1144113 wrote: Okay FF - as usual, I don't get it - the santa one.....

              My precious sun, love you to bits and your ability not to see anything bad.



              Santa's sled, unlike an aircraft which use engines to get airborne, has reindeer

              (Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen ,
              Rudolph came much later
              )

              Examiner has a shotgun
              :wow:

              For engine failure substitute reindeer/shotgun .................. :upset: :H
              Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! KISS SLOWLY Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably. sigpic


              Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders & says...

              ?Oh no....he's awake!! Cos he's bleeding sober again

              Comment


                #8
                Pilot/Passenger/Santa jokes

                OOHHHHH - Oh - I feel stupid !!!!
                How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

                Comment


                  #9
                  Pilot/Passenger/Santa jokes

                  :upset::upset: it took me a while to:upset:


                  :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

                  Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
                  I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

                  This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Pilot/Passenger/Santa jokes

                    Thank you Mario - now I don't feel so bad!! :H
                    How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Pilot/Passenger/Santa jokes

                      GREAT!!!
                      Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

                      Comment

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