SINCE TWA AND EASTERN AIRLINES IS NOTED, I ASSUME THIS HAS BEEN
AROUND FOR A WHILE BUT I THOUGHT IT SORTA FUNNY, AGAIN./
> >>
> >> Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers_
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
> >> TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we
> >> make up here?"
> >> Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it
> >> hits a 727?"
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> A flight student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
> >> While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked: "What
> >> was your last known position?"
> >> Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long
> >> roll out after touching down.
> >> San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the
> >> end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the
> >> Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and
> >> return to the airport."
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich ,
> >> overheard the following:
> >> Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
> >> Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
> >> English."
> >> Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane,
> >> in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
> >> Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
> >> "Because you lost the bloody war!"
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
> >> frequency 124.7"
> >> Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
> >> way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the
> >> far end of the runway."
> >> Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
> >> contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report
> >> from Eastern 702?"
> >> BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;
> >> and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold
> >> short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed,
> >> rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some
> >> quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said:
> >> "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
> >> The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back
> >> with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing
> >> like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
> >> short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate
> >> parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from
> >> them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747)
> >> listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground
> >> control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
> >> Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206, clear of active
>runway."
> >> Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747
> >> pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
> >> Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
> >> Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
> >> now."!
> >> Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you
> >> not been to Frankfurt before?"
> >> Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, --
> >> And I didn't land."
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air
> >> flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came
> >> nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller
> >> lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the
> >> hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!
> >> You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult
> >> for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
> >> Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
> >> hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take
> >> forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till
> >> I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in
> >> about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you,
> >> when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
> >> "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
> >> Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell
> >> terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody
> >> wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her
> >> current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick
> >> was definitely running high.
> >> Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his
> >> microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
> >>
AROUND FOR A WHILE BUT I THOUGHT IT SORTA FUNNY, AGAIN./
> >>
> >> Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers_
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
> >> TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we
> >> make up here?"
> >> Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it
> >> hits a 727?"
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> A flight student became lost during a solo cross-country flight.
> >> While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked: "What
> >> was your last known position?"
> >> Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long
> >> roll out after touching down.
> >> San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the
> >> end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the
> >> Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and
> >> return to the airport."
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich ,
> >> overheard the following:
> >> Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
> >> Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
> >> English."
> >> Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane,
> >> in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
> >> Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
> >> "Because you lost the bloody war!"
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
> >> frequency 124.7"
> >> Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the
> >> way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the
> >> far end of the runway."
> >> Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
> >> contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report
> >> from Eastern 702?"
> >> BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;
> >> and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold
> >> short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed,
> >> rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some
> >> quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said:
> >> "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
> >> The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back
> >> with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing
> >> like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
> >> short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate
> >> parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from
> >> them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747)
> >> listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground
> >> control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
> >> Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206, clear of active
>runway."
> >> Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747
> >> pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
> >> Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
> >> Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
> >> now."!
> >> Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you
> >> not been to Frankfurt before?"
> >> Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, --
> >> And I didn't land."
> >>
>------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >> While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air
> >> flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came
> >> nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller
> >> lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the
> >> hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway!
> >> You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult
> >> for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!"
> >> Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
> >> hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take
> >> forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till
> >> I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in
> >> about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you,
> >> when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
> >> "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
> >> Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell
> >> terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody
> >> wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her
> >> current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick
> >> was definitely running high.
> >> Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his
> >> microphone, asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"
> >>