:h Nancy
SOUTHERNNESS
>
> SOUTHERN WOMEN
> Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
> Clean skin.
> A winning smile.
> That unforgettable Southern drawl.
>
> Southern women know their manners:
> "Yes, ma'am."
> "Yes, sir."
> "Why, no, Billy!"
>
> Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
> "Y'all come back!"
> "Well, bless your heart."
> "Drop by when you can."
> "How's your Momma?"
>
> Southern women know their summer weather report:
> Humidity
> Humidity
> Humidity
>
> S outhern women know their vacation spots:
> The beach
> The rivuh
> The crick
>
> Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
> Colorful hi-heel sandals
> Strapless sun dresses
> Iced sweet tea with mint
>
> Southern women know everybody's first name:
> Honey
> Darlin'
> Shugah
>
> Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
> Fried Green Tomatoes
> Driving Miss Daisy
> Steel Magnolias
> Gone With The Wind
>
> Southern women know their religions:
> Baptist
> Methodist
> Football
>
> Southern women know their country breakfasts:
> Red-eye gravy
> Grits
> Eggs
> Country ham
> Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly
>
> Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
> Chawl'stn
> S' vanah
> Foat Wuth
> N'awlins
> Addlanna
>
> Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
> Men in uniform
> Men in tuxedos
> Rhett Butler
>
> Southern girls know their prime real estate:
> The Mall
> The Country Club
> The Beauty Salon
>
> Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
> Having bad hair and nails
> Having bad manners
> Cooking bad food
>
> More Suthen-ism's:
> Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
> conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
>
> Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
> peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
>
> Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
> "yonder."
>
> Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . as in: "Going
> to town, be back directly."
>
> Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for
> the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in
> the middle of the table.
>
> All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use
> the term, but they know the concept well.
>
> Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace
> for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big
> bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they
> also know to add a large banana puddin'!
>
> Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near"
> and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1
> mile or 20.
>
> Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a
> redneck, a good ol' boy , and po' white trash.
>
> No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing
> turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
>
> A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
> adverb.
>
> Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines,... and when
> we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
>
> Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
> related, even if only by marriage.
>
> In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
>
> Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
>
> Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
> perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and
> that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
>
> When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you kno w
> you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
>
> Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and"sweet milk." Sweet tea
> indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea
> unsweetened.
> "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
>
> And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
> ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart"
> ....
> and go your own way.
>
> To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:
> Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the
> morning.
>
> Bless your heart!
>
> And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all
> this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have
> classes on Southernness as a second language!
>
> And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a
> long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'all's front porch that reads,
> "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
>
> Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!
>
> Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or
> wish they had been!
>
> If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it. We
> know you got here as fast as you could.
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