* All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now... the
wax.
*
*** My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of
the medicine cabinet."
*
** So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
*
**** It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the
hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?**I****mean, I'm not a
genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
*
**** (YA THINK!?!)
*
**** So I pull one of the thin strips out.**Its two strips facing each
other stuck together.!**Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks
in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.**("Cold wax,"
yeah... right!).** I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it
tight and pull. It works!**OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't
too bad. I can do this!**Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah
fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
*
**** With my next wax strip I move north.**After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.**Using the same
procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my
bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to
the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and
brace myself.... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
*
**** I'm blind!!!**Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
*
**** Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip.
*
*** CRAP!!!
*
**** Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!**Everything is swirly and spotted.**I
think I may pass out... must stay conscious.. Do I hear crashing drums ???>
*
**** Breathe, breathe... OK, back to normal.
*
**** I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the
glory t hat is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
*
**** There's no hair on it.**Where is the hair???**WHERE IS THE WAX???
*
**** Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.**I see
the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch.**I am touching
wax.
*
*** CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which
is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
*
**** Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped
up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
*
******DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*?**Sealed
shut!** Butt??**Sealed shut!
*
**** I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to fi gure out what to do
and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop.**My head may
pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!!**Hot water melts
wax!!!
*
*** I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe
it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!
*
**** I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment -** and sit.
****** Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the
tub... in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
*
****** So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had
convinced me a few**months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!**I
call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and have some secret
of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter-**"So, my
butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
*
**** There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know
exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"
*
**** She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
*
**** YEAH!!!!! Right!!
*
**** I should be the joke of someone else's night.**While we go through
various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.**Nothing
feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued
shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky
wax off!!
*
**** By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counselling for
this event.
*
**** My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
really have to lose at this point?**I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
*
**** The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend.**It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!!**It
works!!"
*
*** I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
*
**** I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......
*
**** ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
*
**** So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I
could have amputated my own leg at this point.
*
**** Next week I'm going to try hair colour......
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now... the
wax.
*
*** My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in
my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of
the medicine cabinet."
*
** So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.
*
**** It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax,
you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel
them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the
hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?**I****mean, I'm not a
genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
*
**** (YA THINK!?!)
*
**** So I pull one of the thin strips out.**Its two strips facing each
other stuck together.!**Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks
in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.**("Cold wax,"
yeah... right!).** I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it
tight and pull. It works!**OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't
too bad. I can do this!**Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah
fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
*
**** With my next wax strip I move north.**After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.**Using the same
procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my
bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to
the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and
brace myself.... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
*
**** I'm blind!!!**Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
*
**** Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the
strip.
*
*** CRAP!!!
*
**** Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!**Everything is swirly and spotted.**I
think I may pass out... must stay conscious.. Do I hear crashing drums ???>
*
**** Breathe, breathe... OK, back to normal.
*
**** I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the
glory t hat is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
*
**** There's no hair on it.**Where is the hair???**WHERE IS THE WAX???
*
**** Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.**I see
the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch.**I am touching
wax.
*
*** CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which
is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
*
**** Then I make the next BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped
up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
*
******DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*?**Sealed
shut!** Butt??**Sealed shut!
*
**** I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to fi gure out what to do
and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop.**My head may
pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!!**Hot water melts
wax!!!
*
*** I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe
it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!
*
**** I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment -** and sit.
****** Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the
tub... in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
*
****** So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had
convinced me a few**months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!**I
call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and have some secret
of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter-**"So, my
butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
*
**** There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know
exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"
*
**** She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
*
**** YEAH!!!!! Right!!
*
**** I should be the joke of someone else's night.**While we go through
various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.**Nothing
feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued
shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky
wax off!!
*
**** By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counselling for
this event.
*
**** My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
really have to lose at this point?**I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
*
**** The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend.**It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!!**It
works!!"
*
*** I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
*
**** I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......
*
**** ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!
*
**** So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I
could have amputated my own leg at this point.
*
**** Next week I'm going to try hair colour......
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
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