My pre-kindergartener's class is putting on a mock 'wedding' of Q and U; an effort to get the youngsters to remember Q is always paired with U. Although I understand the thought process behind this, knowing that the English language has a bazillion rule exceptions, I could not help but write a mock letter for the mock wedding. I hope you enjoy:
Dear Wedding Officiator,
I sincerely wish Q and U a joyous and content union throughout their journey in Language Arts classes. Upon studying Language Arts, I have come to realize Q and U are not necessarily together always, as any Disney fairy tale may lead the youngsters to believe. Who will break the disturbing news to the students that Q and U don’t necessarily always bond throughout English literature?
My first piece of evidence states Q is set up for a brother-husband lifestyle with his polyamorous fiancé, U. U probably spends more time at the vowel O’s house than any other letter, as seen in words such as scour, flour and hour. U spends even more time at O’s house in England, as can be seen in colour, honour and even the concept itself, ‘polyamoury’. U also has many more consonant husbands as indicated by number, mutt, cucumber, put, gut, blunder . . . I am beginning to think U has 10 or more consonant husbands!
Despite U’s excessive partners, Q generally seems to stay faithful, through thick and thin. Considering Q’s faithfulness brings me to my second piece of evidence; Q’s occasional affairs while expressed in proper nouns. Possibly due to the excessive overseas tours U has with O, Q has been caught in flings with other consonants while in naming places. Q was seen with A in Qatar long before the twentieth century, officially admitting the affair in 1971 (Qatar’s independence). Q has been seen ever more frequently with D in the naming of the tex-mex restaurant, Qdoba. Q has even been spotted with clinical depression and withdrawal from fellow letters in the naming of Iraq; here, Q seems so distraught with U’s multiple husbands that he goes off on his own.
With the consideration of the above mentioned pieces of evidence, it seems Q has a forgiving attitude towards his partner, U. U also seems to console Q through bouts of depression and overlooking the small amount of affairs that have taken place by accepting invitations even with the seducing proper nouns such as Quincy, Equilla and Quebec. Q and U seem assuredly happy as seen in equine, quack, earthquake, quasar, quiet, equip, quill, Quaker and countless other words.
My concerns, Mr. / Ms. Officiator, may not be valid, but they are concerns nonetheless. Although this is by no means my decision and fully yours, I assume the joining of Q and U is the proper thing to do, considering their long history and tendency to forgive. If you feel Q and U can last ‘forever’ together and if their commitment is as strong as they lead the English language to believe, I will fully support and honor their union. Moreover, the discussions they have and real world problems they navigate within their union are ultimately their business and not that of the Language Arts student. I will show my support of their union by gently instructing my Language Arts student that the decisions Q and U make outside of their union is not our business and we are to respect those decisions, not necessarily understand the decisions.
With closing, I want to express my gratitude towards you for your precious time. I look forward to the union of Q and U and will keep my eye out for them in the literature and will be comforted and content with their continued commitment every time I notice them together.
Respectfully,
Random Mom of Language Arts Student
Dear Wedding Officiator,
I sincerely wish Q and U a joyous and content union throughout their journey in Language Arts classes. Upon studying Language Arts, I have come to realize Q and U are not necessarily together always, as any Disney fairy tale may lead the youngsters to believe. Who will break the disturbing news to the students that Q and U don’t necessarily always bond throughout English literature?
My first piece of evidence states Q is set up for a brother-husband lifestyle with his polyamorous fiancé, U. U probably spends more time at the vowel O’s house than any other letter, as seen in words such as scour, flour and hour. U spends even more time at O’s house in England, as can be seen in colour, honour and even the concept itself, ‘polyamoury’. U also has many more consonant husbands as indicated by number, mutt, cucumber, put, gut, blunder . . . I am beginning to think U has 10 or more consonant husbands!
Despite U’s excessive partners, Q generally seems to stay faithful, through thick and thin. Considering Q’s faithfulness brings me to my second piece of evidence; Q’s occasional affairs while expressed in proper nouns. Possibly due to the excessive overseas tours U has with O, Q has been caught in flings with other consonants while in naming places. Q was seen with A in Qatar long before the twentieth century, officially admitting the affair in 1971 (Qatar’s independence). Q has been seen ever more frequently with D in the naming of the tex-mex restaurant, Qdoba. Q has even been spotted with clinical depression and withdrawal from fellow letters in the naming of Iraq; here, Q seems so distraught with U’s multiple husbands that he goes off on his own.
With the consideration of the above mentioned pieces of evidence, it seems Q has a forgiving attitude towards his partner, U. U also seems to console Q through bouts of depression and overlooking the small amount of affairs that have taken place by accepting invitations even with the seducing proper nouns such as Quincy, Equilla and Quebec. Q and U seem assuredly happy as seen in equine, quack, earthquake, quasar, quiet, equip, quill, Quaker and countless other words.
My concerns, Mr. / Ms. Officiator, may not be valid, but they are concerns nonetheless. Although this is by no means my decision and fully yours, I assume the joining of Q and U is the proper thing to do, considering their long history and tendency to forgive. If you feel Q and U can last ‘forever’ together and if their commitment is as strong as they lead the English language to believe, I will fully support and honor their union. Moreover, the discussions they have and real world problems they navigate within their union are ultimately their business and not that of the Language Arts student. I will show my support of their union by gently instructing my Language Arts student that the decisions Q and U make outside of their union is not our business and we are to respect those decisions, not necessarily understand the decisions.
With closing, I want to express my gratitude towards you for your precious time. I look forward to the union of Q and U and will keep my eye out for them in the literature and will be comforted and content with their continued commitment every time I notice them together.
Respectfully,
Random Mom of Language Arts Student
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