THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

[Guest]

Strange place I find myself at tonight.........sitting here looking at this fork in the road..........one route says abs, other route says mods, and I chose mods, almost 4 wks. ago. I no longer think that choice is quite so clear-cut.

Mods has been going well for me these past couple of wks., apart from Mon. night when I would have did almost anything for a drink, but that desperation passed and I feel I can comfortably moderate again. Really think I could probably moderate period, although it would take me a lengthy period of time to feel as if I could really trust myself to never over-indulge again.

On the one hand, I feel attempting to moderate can be emotionally draining, but I chose that path for myself as I was so absolutely determined not to give up wine. On the other hand, I am beginning to think : "What`s the point?", as I always drank for the buzz, and as there is not going to be even one evening when I`ll allow myself to drink sufficient to get `high`, is there any real point in my drinking at all.

I mean, drinking my allotted `rations` is no longer giving me what I sought from wine, so perhaps it`s time to give it up altogether???

Did anyone else arrive at abs for this reason?

Feel confused.......

Starlight Impress

[Kitty]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

Hi Starlight,

I kinda think along the same lines. I'm trying af right now and intend to re-evaluate after 30days and I know exactly what you mean. I can barely remember a time when I was able to drink just a little then stop on a regular basis, maybe I never did. I guess that's why I'm in this position.

I can't comprehend what it feels like just to be "merry". I see people around me who enjoy a couple of glasses of wine with dinner or my partner who will have a couple of drinks in the evening and I just think "what's the point" for me alcohol is used as a means to an end, and that end is drunk. I know that's wrong but that's just the way I think about it. Very rarely I can stop just before I tip the see saw, and when I say rare I mean it. It is purely by luck if this happens. I have gone out with the best of intentions only to wake up the next morning in a state. I can never predict when the "benders" happen. They seem completley out of my control, and the only way I can be absolutely guaranteed not to go crazy is to abstain.

I have had some success at moderating but I have to be constantly mindful of what I am doing, and it is exhausting in a way.

I'f I'm honest with myself I think I should abstain forever, or, come to terms with the fact that I will always run into problems, and that the "problems" will escalate.

Hope this makes sense, it all does in my head.

I wish you well Starlight, I enjoy reading your posts,

Kitty

[bird]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

I'm alot like Kitty on this. I have tried to mods. In fact I never really intend to get drunk. I always think I will stop at a certain point which rarely happens. I always buy enough to get drunk so I won't run out and drive. The best Ive been able to do is stop at a certain time so I can get up and go to work next day. I know I can never mods. I drink a few and get to a point where I dont care about the hangover. Just suck down as many as I can before bedtime. It makes me queasy thinking about it, but I do it all the time. Bird

[Reenie]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

I'm with Kitty and Bird. Moderation doesn't work for me. Not for long anyway. I have moderated for long periods of time only to find myself back in the vicious cycle of drinking everynight. The scarey thing is saying to myself, "just one, just two", to wind up drinking my butt off and being hungover the next day. It amazes me how I start out with the best intentions, only to wake up the next morning very ill and full of remorse. It's also scarey trying to figure out what I did the day/night before, and how I could wind up feeling like total crap.

[IAD]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

Starlight,
Your really @ the crossroads. You know where your at ! Can you do it ! or not ! I know I can't. Drinking is not an alternative that I have. I could fool myself & say yes I'm a moderate. But i know myself. " always, be true to ty self" IAD.

[Breez]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

Hi Star~

Took me 4 yrs of convincing myself I could moderate (I'd do fine & then go back to my ways) and that was a big see-saw adventure. Success-failure. Way too much emotional baggage deciding when I could drink, how much-it was exhausting. When I got tired of it-I'd drink more.

There is a big difference between people who can go to a winery and assess wine quality by sipping & spitting and those like me who cherish every drop like it was water going out of style.

I chose not to have that monkey on my back anymore. No more baggage. No more worries. All that time & effort trying to decide when & how much to drink I now utilize for other more important things.

I wish you luck Star. Only you know what you can achieve.

[Mags]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

Let's be honest - there are some of us for which mods are just not an option. Oh gosh, how I wish I could just have a glass or two of beer or wine, or even (heaven forbid!!) with my friends or family. Fact is, I can't. Seems like everyone else can do it and not be labeled as criminals and not have a problem with stopping at one or two. I have finally learned that I can't do that. It is so much easier to say no to the first drink - then it becomes exponentially harder to say no to the second, the third, etc. Better to just say no the first time - it saves me much anxiety.

It sucks - it really does. Some of us have to be abstainers. But what sucks more is to be abusers.

You can only make up your mind for yourself. But sometimes just saying no is easier than saying - maybe - just one.

I'm sorry if this sounds like a downer. That's not the way I want it to sound. You have maturity and strength and will make the best decision.

:h :h

[SKendall]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

What surprised me was a psychologist telling me that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviour over and over and expecting different results. What??? She was telling me I was crazy. But that was her clinical definition of insanity. Scared me.

[rottrod]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

Star,
The only thing that I can add to the wisdom above is that when you said you were "absolutely determined not to give up the wine" it should be the indicator that you (most likely) eventually will have to do just that. I can't really explain it except that it raises a red flag with me because I felt that way myself.
It truly is easier to let go of it if you quit altogether than when you moderate. Instead of planning your week around drinking on the weekend or only on Tuesday and Friday you just take it out of the equation and out of your house. The wine in the back of the pantry saved for Friday night doesn't tempt you because it isn't there.

I'm starting to think of myself as a non drinker now and it's easier to deal with than think of myself as an occasional drinker because occasional will always present itself with opportunities.
It's a huge decision for you I know Star.

[sujul]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

Yep, I'm riding the abs train too....no counting, no worrying, no waking up feeling like a failure because after I'd had the "one" glass of wine I intended I went on to have a couple of bottles....the thing that I discovered was that after I've had that one drink I no longer feel bound by my earlier sincere intention to have only one. Post-drink me is NOT the same person as Pre-drink me! "Post" simply howls with derision at all the good intentions of "Pre"....

I know that there are others who can do mods--and my hat is off to them! But, for me, abs has been the road back to life....

Hugs for the journey!
:l :l

[rottrod]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

I'm with you Sujul...same exact thing. I thought I could, but I can't, so I don't want the stress. I want my life.

Enjoy your posts and a good resurrection story as well. :thumbs:
Melissa

[rachel28]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

all your posts r so thought provoking, a little scary as i know i will have to be af, soon,

i am doing much better reducing the amount i drink this week but, despite all the good reasons to stop,
i still want to get drunk, last night i had more than my planned amount, cos i bought 2 many, they were on special offer,

skendals post about expecting different outcomes struck a cord,

im going to ring the dr an see if they can hurry up a bit, i so badly want to go af free , even for a few weeks to get this junk out my system an see who i am without,

im sure im much nicer! im not going to buy any today, i have the emergency stash, that will have to be it, my leveller, after that no more, i know ill only drink it, although last night i was still thinking b4 i had each can,

af seems like its hard but less changelling than constantly battling against having that extra 1 or 2, an planning every drink, it becoming an obsession, i take my hat of to you
all,
i guess till i see the dr an get these withdrawels out the way , i cant really make a decision other than just keep to the minimum, i just keep telling my self the more i drink now the worse the withdrawel is going to be, so that thought is kinda keeping me strong ,

i know i have drunk so much less, i can feel it, id like to say i feel good but id be lying!

my head feels like it s in a better place, i have been a better mum, i hope, even made pastry again, im sure my son is going to be a chef, he loves helping me in the kitchen, he s a wizz with a knife an peeler, an loves to see how it all works out, it gives us chance to spend time away from every1 else, hope all hav a good day, xx

[Bella]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

I have to say, I think people who can moderate are the lucky ones. The alcoholic is the one who can't moderare. The alcoholic looks for the buzz. My husband is a moderate drinker. He enjoys a pint or 2 then he has had enough. He likes the social aspect of drinking and would never drink alone, what would be the point he thinks. Now, I am a different kettle of fish. I drink to catch the buzz and when I have it I drink more to keep the buzz. I do not see the point in drinking anything if I can't get the high.

You my friend, must decide what you are looking for. Do you like the social aspect of drinking with friends and when they go home you don't think about having any more? Or are you like me and don't know when to stop? I find it too difficult to moderate. Its all or nothing. I did have a glass of wine about 2 weeks ago with friends and that was all. I wanted more but did not want them to think I was an alcoholic. But if I had been on my own at home with the bottle, I would have drunk the lot and be looking for more. So unfortunately, I have chosen to say GOODBYE TO THE HIGH!!!!!

Good luck in which ever you choose. Bella xxxx

[magic]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

"Insanity"

Is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

An old saying.

We say it all the time in this house because we do it all the time.

magic xx:schmokin:

[Bean]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

Hi Starlight
I am really impressed with what you have achieved already with mods as I remember reading your earlier posts and thinking 'this person just isn't ready' but you even admitted that and then started the programme in your own good time.
I have been reading the Allan Carr Easy Way to Give Up Drinking and his (the) answer to your question is really quite simple. Alcohol is a highly addictive poison which also dehydrates you, therefore making you drink more despite your best intentions to stop at one or two. It's that easy. So we can have the abs or mods debate till the end of time but the reality is that the alcohol doesn't ever change. You are always physiologically going to have the same reaction to it. I am like you in that I drink for the buzz and if I am drinking so little that there is no buzz then I think what's the point at all? Right now I am either having AF days or drinking a bottle of wine (sometimes more). I know in my heart that Abs would be best for me but I am not mentally ready to let myself be free of drinking. For now I given up pretending that I might moderate - if I am going to drink then I accept I might wipe out the next day and I'm trying to work on getting my life so full and enjoyable that the prospect of sitting around getting smashed is really unappealing.
Let us know what you eventually decide.
Bean x