THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

[satori]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

Star,

I am at the exact same fork right now! I can't see you - there seems to be a large crowd standing around!

I too was "determined not to give up alcohol completely" and wanted to moderate.
I have largely been very successful in doing so - but the monkey is still there on my back - he is chained up, gagged and reigned in right now - but that takes SO much effort and mindfulness to maintain long term.

What Rottrod said earlier has just hit home!
The fact that I really don't want to give up alcohol completely SHOULD probably be the red flag that tels me perhaps I need to.

I think my own recent slip was simply due to the fact that I was generally tired - and more specifically tired of the constant effort required to control the drinking.
It was easier just to give in and relapse rather than to maintain the battle.

I had kind of assumed that if I could chain the monkey up for long enough that he wouldn't stick around!
I thought the cravings would go away and the desire to get blitzed after a couple of beers would go.
Well for me - they haven't not in the last 6 months or so anyway!

AF now seems the only LOGICAL way to go - but I STILL don't want to!

AAAARGH!!!! This is so hard!

Take care everyone

Satori
xxx

[mac]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

I recall an earlier thread that touched this topic - a phrase that stood out was that moderating for some was simply ' a cruel tease' - I agree and realise that I am all or nothing but far too frequently opt for the 'all'.
mac

[IAD]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

SK.
I love your interpretation of being crazy ! Have to use it sometime ! (IAD

[Guest]

THE FORK IN THE ROAD...........

Thanks for everyone`s input on this.............it really is a tough call, deciding which way to go when you reach this stage, as so many of you have said. I think I may well be of the same frame of mind as Satori, that abs is the "LOGICAL" way to go, but I`m still dragging my heels on this as the reluctance I feel at the thought of taking that enormous leap completely overwhelms me.........

So far, mods, although testing, is working for me, as I truly know in my heart that I will never allow myself to be drunk again. So in effect, mods has already `robbed` me of the high I have always sought from my wine.
That `high` is a major consideration for me, as the high allows me to tap into wonderful personality traits I struggle to find when sober..........drunk sees me being witty, charming, amusing, sexy, interesting, intelligent, blah, blah, blah..........so you see, now that I no longer get high, I am left simply with ME, and I feel as if it`s been such a long time since I`ve had to face the world as just me. Drunk opens up a fantasy world to me and gives me endless confidence. Drunk has given me so much, yet taken so much more away from me. I have already left the high behind, but in many respects, I mourn its passing...........

The only thing mods has left me with is the taste, and as a wine drinker, I really love the taste. So saying, I have gone on diets over the years and given up my favourite food indulgences quite easily, so giving up the taste of wine should be attainable for me.

In a nutshell, mods means I lose the `high` and abs means I lose the high and also savouring the taste of wine. Mods doesn`t really leave me that much of my old life at all...........

How did I come to be at this very thoughtful stage? The answer is simple.
I am almost a month moderating, and never in my entire life have I thought about alcohol as much as I have this past month. Because I have dramatically reduced my consumption these past few weeks, I am obsessing about alcohol morning, noon and night...........it really is my first thought when I open my eyes in the morning and my last thought as I nod off to sleep..............and all this from someone who never drank before very late in the evening.I just feel that attempting to moderate is taking over my life.

So, where do I go from here? I truly feel that the alcohol free way of life is calling me, yet the popping wine cork still remains music to my ears.

At this precise moment, I do not have the answer...........

Starlight Impress