After 25 years I am leaving my husband

[hart]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

No hon haven't gotten your e-mail yet but will look for it. I can't e-mail you as you don't have that option. But the offer is sincere.:l

[SKendall]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

Happy, I agree with some of your comments. When I met husband in Toronto 25 years ago, I felt like God had listened to my prayers. Had a wonderful courtship, understanding, social life, etc. After being raised by a controlling father and had a short marriage to another controller, I probably missed the warning signs. If you are in a position that seems comfortable, it's probably because you've lived it before.

We were then transferred to Texas (he is American) and because we were on "his turf" some control issues sprung up, but I was working and raising pre-adolescents. He decided to take early retirement and because we both loved the pacific northwest, found 10 acres on a river and built a lovely home. I was not drinking when I came here, but after a year of his demands, etc. hit the bottle. Got a DUI, went to rehab, etc. Because I didn't have a driver's license for a year, I went NOWHERE. He would drive me to the grocery store, dr's appts. but other than that I had to get a bus. We are in an isolated community. It was hard to make friends, but I did it. Became President of the garden club in a year, held wonderful parties, etc. During this period he also underwent a second bypass due to excessive smoking, wouldn't quit. I nursed him back to health during which time I was starting to curse his heart surgeon, (lol) but his demands became larger and more frequent.

He realized in 03 that I was about to leave so suggested the studio apt. in Victoria, where I could go for a social life. We underwent counselling. I built a good life in Victoria with friends, walks, lunches, outings, etc. However, when most of our capital is in this home, it's become too expensive for me to have the apt. in Victoria (just across the border) and we are on a fixed income. So because of the 2 out of 3 ageing dogs I have, economic necessity, etc. I decided last month to let the apartment go and really decided to reinvest my time and energy here in our home.

Once he discovered I was now more dependant than independant, the control issues became more obvious again.

However, I will admit one defect on my part. I have been holding onto this marriage because I love a large house, etc., and needed the financial security, I didn't want to live in reduced circumstances, but now I've come to my senses I will celebrate my freedom in reduced circumstances.

I won't go further, because I am entering into a field of disrespect for him, and I promised not to do that.

I need all of your shoulders to lean on.

Thank you.

Hilary

[Guest]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

Lean on us SKendall..........that`s what we`re here for each other for...........

Much love,

Starlight Impress

[magic]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

Dear Hilary,

You have my heart.

You, my dear, have done nothing wrong in trying to hold onto yourself.

Hold your head up high and walk on.

magic xx :schmokin:

[happycamper68]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

You have my shoulders always Hil. You are a wonderful person and have always been a great support to all of us here. You'll get all that in return now that you need it so badly. I am very sorry if I said anything out of turn and am so sorry about what is happening to you. Huggies, Camper :h

[ducky]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

So sorry to hear about your situation skendall. It sounds as though you have a lot of stength to tap and will struggle through this. Keep us posted to let us know that you are okay.

[YoungAtHeart]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

You are very brave, Hilary. I wish you the best as you embark upon this journey. I applaud your reticence in telling us enough to help us understand your situation but also keeping your husband's privacy intact. Bravo! You are special, my dear.:heart: :thumbs:

Hugs,:l
Kathy

[chrysa]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

I can totally relate dear Hilary to the golden handcuffs on the lifestyle & house. I wish I had a place to offer you. But hart's offer sounds wonderful as part of a plan.
Stay in touch..I think there is a real resoervoir of good resources here on the boards...Luv ~C~

back at ya''now with the "fearless woman" !!!

[Keepon!!!!]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

Dear SK

I am very sorry you are hurting right now but Im sure if in your heart you feel its time to end the marriage then go with your instincts there usually always right and the hurt you feel will slowely fade over time just keep on being strong. This is an end to that part of your life and in time to come you will know it was the right thing to do. I hope you find the happiness you desire!!!!!!

Luv Keepon

[happycamper68]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

Hart's offer sounds awesome! Hart you are very special to offer that up. Not everyone would do that.

[irishlady]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

Hilary, I have been at work all day and so I have only just read this.. My heart goes out to you right now because I suspect this wasn't an easy decision for you, but as has already been said, this life is so bloody short you MUST make the best of it and if that means ending a relationship then so be it.. It does make you wonder though just how many people are in long term marriages where the love has long since died and the marriage only exists through habit, necessity, fear of the unknown or a dependence on the other person..

It will probably be hard for you at first, but please stay true to yourself and grab this opportunity for change..

It has been proved just how many friends you have here at MWO so use us to support and help you through this.

I'm thinking of you my dear,

With lots of love, from Louise xxxx

[Beaches]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

Hilary I think you are amazing for doing what is right for you and Hart I think you are great for opening your home to a friend.

[SKendall]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

Hi all. I am in tears (grateful ones), for all of you who have supported me. I cannot thank you enough.

Love always,

Hilary

P.S. The tears feel good :h

[SKendall]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

It is heaven on earth to realize you have so many supportive friends, when I have felt so alone here in WA, with just my devoted dog to turn to.

I've been happy in Victoria, but always felt torn about leaving the little doggie alone.

[Mags]

After 25 years I am leaving my husband

Sorry I just found this thread - my computer was in the shop for a while. All I can say is that you sound so strong and brave - please lean on us everytime you need to. There will always be someone here for you.

:hug: