Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

[Bella]

Morning to you all.

Last night my best-friend's partner turned up at our place and he is staying with us for the for-seeable future. He has work down South and needs a base. He likes to drink and smoke. He is a good friend and in the past we used to drink and smoke the night away. I bought him a bottle of white wine yesterday and he brought one with him aswell. We sat chatting and I had half a glass of wine while he polished off the remainder of the 2 bottles. He smoked and I had a few drags too. Guilt came over me throghout the entire evening and I went to bed and had the most awful dream and was told that the baby growing inside me was not human and was handicapped and I was told to terminate. I woke up with a headache and feeling very tense. I know that I am going to have this same tempation every night. I will want to drink and smoke again because it is there in my face. What can I do? I am worried about being weak and I hate this. But I really enjoyed drinking and smoking and felt a bit high. Talk about the devil's tempation!!!!

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me that I can think about when I'm in this situation again? I am already looking forward to him coming home so I can have a drink and a smoke again!!! I have been doing so well for the last 4 months, I have surprised my husband, myself and my family and friends with the inner strength I have found here. But in a flash I know it can all go down the pan and I will be back to being a selfish cow who cares only for myself. I have a small being inside me and I need to remember this. Its all very well destroying myself both mentally and physically but its not fair on a small unborn, helpless thing. Please help. Love, Bella xxxx

[Bella]

Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

I just wanted to add that....I know half a glass is not much but it is just the beginning. It starts with 1 then 3 and before you know it I will have had a bottle. I know what I am like.

[sheshe]

Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

Bella - first, take a deep breath and don't beat yourself up! Half a glass of wine is not going to hurt your baby.

Next, is there any way you can get this guy to NOT drink around you? I know how hard it is when someone next to you is drinking when you're trying to be AF. I can understand if you don't want to spill your guts - but maybe just casually say that you don't want the smoking/drinking around because you're pregnant and don't want the temptation (even "regular" people say things like that!). Or maybe you could get some sparkling grape juice and drink it in a wine glass - kind of pretend?? The smoking I can't help at all with - as I'm still a chimney!

[Bella]

Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

Thankyou Sheshe, But I can not make him stop drinking or smoking as I think this would be unfair of me. After all, its not his problem and I like people to be relaxed and happy to do as they please in my house, within reason!!!!! I have such an alcoholic problem and I really don't think I realise the extent of my problem. Its huge and I spend half my time in denial about it. Its mad.

[Kitty]

Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

Hi Bella,

I agree with Sheshe, and I don't think it would be "unfair" of you at all to ask him not to smoke or drink in the house, I understand that you want people to feel comfortable in your house but surely your comfort and well being should come first at this time.

Couldn't he go to the pub if he wants a drink? If he is as good as friend as you say surely he will understand?

I think that at this point in time you should try and avoid any "temptations". You've been doing so well.

Kitty

[goingsobermum]

Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

Oh Bella,
I understand so much your situation. I do so well when its just me at home and I don't want a drink, then the neighbour brings over a bottle of wine to drink with my partner and I. I manage to stop at 2 glasses but really want to carry on. Every morning though I am glad I didn't have any more though. Its odd that drinking is so ingrained in our habits that even when pregnant we can somehow feel guilty for not continueing to be a drinking buddy.
If you friend is staying for a while then I think it would be fair to ask him not to smoke in the house, you can explain why. As for drinking, don't buy any.
I can't help much as I'm struggling too, but I do understand.
Lots of Love
Suz

[Guest]

Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

Sounds like hes a trigger for you and his stay should be at the minimum. Start as you mean to go on with him and refuse the drink so he understands sharpish its a no no for you to drink .I understand its not his fault but you need to take care of you now

[diamond]

Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

Hiya,
I am near London too!

I would explain that with being pregnant you feel guilty that you had a few fags last night and could he smoke outside so it's not tempting you, also tell him after last night you don't want to drink 'cos of baby, if he is good friend then you could ask him to keep bottle hidden in fridge or at side of chair and only pour for himself, he would understand ?

If he understand then tell him to be a helper and refuse to give you any even if you beg him ? I did this with my hubby and I ask kids to keep chatting to me in booze area of supermarket so I don't buy any.

Just thought it may help, not being bossy or anything I know how you feel I found it hard to give up smoking when pregnant.

Best wishes
Diamond x

[cassy]

Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

Why not tell him the truth ..you dont want to smoke and drink as you are pregnant and find him doing it not really healthy for you(well the fags anyway).

Maybe he would like to join you in a healthier lifestyle as it sounds like he is knocking them back and might welcome some de tox whilst with you ??????

good luck..Bella you are doing great and hope the pregnancy goes well..you deserve it to.

Cassy

[nancy]

Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

I agree with everyone else. He should smoke outside and try to keep the alcohol away from you.

Can you tell him the truth? if you can't, ask yourself why you are putting the needs of a friend who must not be close enough to know the real you over the needs of the baby growing inside you.

I can't imagine smoking in front of a pregnant woman! Sounds really inappropriate to me.

[Guest]

Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

Bella,
Sorry to hear you`re in this situation, but although it may not seem like it right now, maybe his coming to stay for a while is meant to make you stronger.

I know he`s your good friend, but you are still doing him a favour by allowing him to stay at yours to be near his work. I would just tell him that you love having him stay and that he is very welcome, but would he mind smoking outside and only buying enough alcohol for himself, as you`ve got a sweet little life growing inside you and you don`t want to be tempted to do anything that isn`t good for Baby.

And don`t worry about the wee half glass of wine you had........wee drop won`t harm your little one.

Much love and good luck,

Starlight Impress

[Guest]

Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

Bella you have done SO well, I am so so proud of you and you hould be so so proud of yourself!!!!!!! Look how far you have come! Ask him to at least trim it down while he is there. 1 bottle.

[Niblet]

Temptations getting in my way and I don't like it

Hello Bella, Hon: Even though you are totally responsible for what goes into your body this person knowing fullwell your condition is a bit of a knob for flaunting it right in your face... Hop back on the wagon ... if not for yourself, then for the little one you are growing... Today, you are building the most beauitful, perfect eyes that will see this world with much wisdom.. Tomorrow, you will define the most perfect rose-bud mouth.... next day you will be building.... and it goes on and on..... I wish you gods strength for atleast your last months to build the most beautiful, strong, healthy baby this world has ever seen..
Hugs, ~Niblet~