What should I do?

[Sue Can Do]

Hi everyone,

My husband says he doesnt like me being on this site, he says you all are corrupting my mind with mindless unhelpful babble.

Although I dont post much I do enjoying reading what everyone else writes and I feel it has been helping.

I dont want to cause arguements between my husband and I because that could lead to a heavy drinking session, it has before, I also dont want to give up the site or go behind his back, what should I do?.

Sue

[sheshe]

What should I do?

What exactly is his problem with what's said on here? My word - seems to me he'd be a bit supportive of anything that you found helpful. I am so sorry!

[Guest]

What should I do?

Sue, has he read any of these posts? Or do you keep them privare. my husband is aware but allowas me my privacy on this site because it has helped me so much. Does he think this is possibly a site where you could me someone else? Souds like some insercurity. Does he have a drink problem too? He may be afraid of loosing his drinking buddy. But all the best my friend, push comes to shove I'd change my screen namne and log on when he isn't home. this is your life and the decisions you make are for you.
Hugs
Mar

[sheshe]

What should I do?

"push comes to shove I'd change my screen namne and log on when he isn't home. this is your life and the decisions you make are for you."

I second that!

[gracie29]

What should I do?

I tend to agree with the above. If you feel the site is helpful, then explain that to your husband. If he can't understand that, then do as simeybear suggested. Don't give up the site if you feel it is helpful. I'm just starting out on my journey but I can already see how important having people surround you that knows exactly how you feel and can give good advice on how to get through some of the hard times. Good luck to you.

[Keepon!!!!]

What should I do?

Hi sue can do

I would say to your husband ' would you prefer me to be drinking again or on this site gettin the help and support I deserve'

Good luck

[betty boop]

What should I do?

Keepon!!!!;160051 wrote:

I would say to your husband ' would you prefer me to be drinking again or on this site gettin the help and support I deserve'

Ditto xx

[Bella]

What should I do?

Sue can do, my husband isn't keen on me logging on here either. He likes control. So I log on when he is not around. I'm blowed if I'm going to give this up for him!!!!! Perhaps your husband does not fully understand the programe? If I were you I would try to explain to him how it works and how it helps. Then, if he still is not happy, well...... that is something I can not decide for you, but......Its your life not his. Bella xxx

[Cinders]

What should I do?

I guess I forgot to ask mine if he approved...

I mentioned the site to him and tell him things that people say, etc.

He has never said one way or another whether he approved or not. Hmmm.

Let your husband know you won't be on the site when you are needed elsewhere, i.e. you won't let it interfere with getting on with your life, it is an addition to your life that you hope will help with your problem.

My husband used to try to "control" me all the time (I married young), after a while he finally gave up because he realized it was just an exercise in futility. Just like I figured out he wasn't my knight in shining armor, either!! (He is my best friend, though!!)

I am not sure subterfuge is a good way to deal with it. That kind of thing only leads to distrust in relationships.

My two cents worth, and that is about all it is worth.

However, :welcome: and do what is best for yourself, first and foremost. You cannot have a good marriage if you cannot take good care of yourself.

Cindi

[Guest]

What should I do?

Hi Sue Can Do,
I`d go along with what simey said and create a different username if need be.
Perhaps hubby is a little insecure and in awe of the totally amazing woman you`re headed towards being, once you`ve got a handle on your drink problem.

Firstly, you are doing nothing wrong by logging in here.

And secondly,you say that you appreciate this site and feel it will be of real help to you, so if the only way for you to access it is to sneak on here unbeknown to hubby, you have my permission to sneak!!! lol

Wishing you loadsa luck,

Starlight Impress

[hablur]

What should I do?

Ok gals... this is from a hubby... no my wife doesn't log on here but this really burns my ass. I have heard and seen the results of husbands doing this type of behavior and I honestly hope you ladies stand up for yourselves.

Does he do any of the following:
1. Listens to your phone conversations and pipes up while you are on the phone?
2. Correct you in front of other people?
3. Correct your language, in general?
4. Tell you how to accomplish things?

The list could continue but the fact remains there is no conceivable reason that a spouse should have any issue with you being on these boards. Is there a moral issue? Ask him? Is there an ethical? Ask him? If he afraid you are talking about him? Tell him to grow the F up! Unless there is some valid reason tell him to shut the F up (nicely of course) and that you will continue to do it. You are hurting no one by spending some time by yourself working on an activity that hurts no one.

Sorry if I seem a bit vexed but I hate it when other men get all wiggly with their spouses like this cause it makes good guys like me look bad and then I have to listen to the gals on boards like this talk bad about their hubbies that don't have a clue LOL.

In all seriousness do not hide it. That is akin to cheating and will only make matters worse. It is actually worth the argument to find out why and make them put into words what the real issue is AND tell them that you will still be posting on these boards.

The only argument I can see is that if they are upset if you are spending time that you would normally be spending with them and they feel a little put out being an argument, then a compromise should be made.

[Kitty]

What should I do?

Ditto to Janie,

I have managed nearly three weeks af for the first time in my drinking history and my partner knows it is down in part to the help and support I receive here at MWO.

Good luck,

Kitty

[Guest]

What should I do?

Hablur,
Don`t get me wrong, and no, am by no means a `man-hater`, but some men just don`t do compromise!!! lol............that goes for women too ha ha ha

Starlight Impress

[Niblet]

What should I do?

I'm with the rest !!! Sounds like your hubby is insecure with you becoming stronger in a very positive way... I'm hoping that he doesn't want to keep you low, possibly at his level for his own comfort... I'm sorry if I sound harsh It's just that I really care is all, I wish you all this site can offer !!! Take care, Hugs, ~Niblet~

[hablur]

What should I do?

Oh Starlight I never ever implied that... I just read the original poster and didnt read anyone elses I know you arent a man hater. It just ticks me off that spouses (both men and women in fact) think they have some inalienable right to control thier spouses. It's utter BS (the really stinky kind too). I think that harms a lot of marriages as it tends to build up a lot of resentment, especially if you go along with it.

I guess I would rather argue about it up front (well talking about it would be better) and clear the air then resent to controlling behavior later. I also don't like sneeking behind the SO's back because like all lies you will eventually get caught. Then it is much worse.