Mothers and Daughers

[Prest4time]

Mothers and Daughers

Okay,

Lets set aside parenting differences. Just to tell you, as I was reading the previous post, my daughter came up to me and just grabbed me around the neck and said, "I love you."

So where does that leave me? Slamming my laptop shut to listen and hug her too. She said she was sorry.

Does that sound sappy and sweet? Yep.... but she wanted to once again bring up a list of stuff. I told her I was happy to talk about it, but we need to set a time for it, and when could she do that? She said, "NO", right now!

She was clearly violating MY boundries, which were stressed, tired and not up for it. So I very calmly said again, "Gin, lets set up a coffee time for this, because I am tired, and I accept your apology, but you are trying to bring up things I am not prepared to talk about right now. My final answer."

She walked away in a fit, and went upstairs. Little did I know, that my husband had listened in, and when she rounded the corner, he came out and said he was waiting to help if needed, but was giving me the high five! I was like, "but she apologized!" He said.... she didnt mean it. He could tell.

I've learned a TON today from all of you and some good friends who have raised some awesome girls...

thanks!!

[Guest]

Mothers and Daughers

What happened to sugar and spice and everything nice?????? I used to dress Brit up in the cutest little hair bows and dresses...I swear little devil horns are under there now...HA HA HA I can only hope that she will give me a beautiful granddaughter someday...JUST LIKE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[chrysa]

Mothers and Daughers

Hi again,
You know I just have so much faith in mother's intuition. Each mother and daughter are different and each mother knows her daughter best. I intuit Allie that you sensed she was once again trying to manipulate or whatever and you did the right thing for her and you at this time. She does not sound in deep trouble or need extra love and comforting at the moment -- at least.

There was a time that my daighter did not need discipline but needed extra unconditional love. It was a delicate call but I believe it saved her life.

I say we must trust our intuition. It is powerful. Way to go Allie & wow what a husband you have. That guy should be cloned for all future generations of women.

[YoungAtHeart]

Mothers and Daughers

Allie, that is funny and sad at the same time. It sounds so typically adolescent girl. Please get the book Get Out of My Life, But First Would You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? It is chock full of examples just like this and has lots of great advice on how to handle them. You did great this time, and bless your hubby for being there in the wings to back you up. If you do read the book, you will find yourself nodding in recognition--perhaps even laughing out loud.

Do expect some testing from your daughter as you start to set limits. When she realizes that you really mean it, she will settle down.

You've made a great start!

:l :l
Kathy

[gabby]

Mothers and Daughers

Allie, I know, I have heard that girls are harder then boys. But I wouldnt knowe that through experience. I have 3 teenage sons and have been going through divorcing their father. Its amazing how much blame I have gotten for their fathers abuse of me. I guess time will tell but for right now they sure have sucked in to the evil master dad. Nowe I will say one doesnt but the two older ones do. And the oldest especially....OMG, just like his daddy. It worries me for his future.

I wish you luck and probably she will out grow it.

[Guest]

Mothers and Daughers

Allie, I'll keep it simple here. My daughter and I were so close as she was growing up, she called me her best friend. I was so proud, thought I did a great job raising her. When she turned 22 i don't know what the hell happened, she lies to me, doesn't have any real respect for me. I just hold out hope that she will realize one day everything I've done I've done for her. But hey, I didn't appreciate my Mom until I was 30. My girl is 29. So maybe next year? Hope it get s better for you babe!
Hugs
Mar

[happycamper68]

Mothers and Daughers

I am just going to say generally that I think kids feel most loved and cared for when there are rules and "boundaries" set. It creates a level of respect for the parent that would not otherwise be there and children really do like to be told what to do even though they act like they don't. if you just let them fly around doing whatever they want they don't think you give a crap. That's when trouble starts. Gotta keep on a leash to some degree and always show love while you are doing it. And never ever be their friend until they are wayyyyyyyyy older.

Just my two cents. Good luck to all the parents on here! :h

P.S.- My beloved Roger Federer won Wimbledon today. He is taking me out to a fabulous dinner. LOL

[chrysa]

Mothers and Daughers

Dear happy.. so true... but 17 yrs from now...don't be upset if you don 't know or understand everything they are doing & pushing your envelope... As long as you set an envelope...some parents don't ...ps..teenagers hate to be told what to do....but luckily 'happy my love', you don't need to think about that for now..thank God...enjoy this time..I so loved it...

[happycamper68]

Mothers and Daughers

Hey Chrysa LOL,

I know they "hate" it (the teenagers) but I guess you still kind of have to do it to a certain degree so they know you aren't a joke and still care right? I know I am talking out of my tush about older kids because I don't have any but I know that the respect factor is key. I never wanted to disappoint my mother in those years, not because I was afraid of her, but because I respected and loved the trust and respect she gave me, along with the boundaries. :h

[Guest]

Mothers and Daughers

I still say we sell them to the gypsies for skirts....LOL

[happycamper68]

Mothers and Daughers

LOL!!! :h

[chrysa]

Mothers and Daughers

Luv & Happy,
Yep, yep & ditto!! Later..luv~C

[southernbelle47]

Mothers and Daughers

Does anybody have the phone numbers for the Gypsies?
Do they take kids over 30??
Just kidding of course!
:H Nancy
PS...been at the airport several times lately.....whats up with all the mini skirts???

[diamond]

Mothers and Daughers

Ditto everyone again, my 12 year old thinks she's 22 and can tell me how rotten I am ect, etc, the next few minutes she's asking me for money, for this and that..

When I tell her I'm upset she will first have the bad attitude saying''well... it's your fault blah, blah,!'' then 'I don't care' etc, etc.

I now tell her that please there is no need for us to fight we are on the same side yet on the other hand she is good inspiration for me to remain af, when I tell her I am considering moderation she shakes her head and begs me 'pleeeease mum, don't try it you know you'll want another one and another' - how does she know so much already ?/

And have I scarred her for life - she says she likes me much better now - I am crying as I write this because I am happy and sad !!

Thanks for listening,
Diamond xx

[Guest]

Mothers and Daughers

Yesterday, when I posted that my daughter said I was her friend I meant that in the sense that she wasn't embarrassed to have Mom around and wanted me there. Of course she had friends. She has always had boundaries, at 17 she drove my car all the time for her social activities, so we told her if your keeping my car your getting a job and making the payment. to my surprise she did. She always went to Christian private school.(even taught pre-school there)) We have a family motto "honor your committments" Which she did, She ways always a upstanding young lady until she went away to colllege. Then she was swayed by the men in her life. She is an only child , I had when I was 17. BTW when she is on a bitchfest the Gypsies would pay me to take her back!!
Smiles
Mar