What a great day/month/year/14years....NOT.....

[Determinator]

What a great day/month/year/14years....NOT.....

Tipsy, that is just so sad and I'm feeling for you. Being a guy myself this really frustrates me to an extra degree for some reason. There are a few things I could suggest but they wouldn't be productive and may be illeagle so I'd say the councelling is a great idea as others have said. Also, is there something you used to do together as a team activity? playing scrabble, walk to the corner park? anything that was special to just the two of you? (with son of course). Trying these things would be a test to see if he has the inclination to want to even try. Come here often....we'll leave the light on ok?

[happycamper68]

What a great day/month/year/14years....NOT.....

D you are a good man. Cook me something, freeze it, and Fedex it to me.

Sometimes having kids, whether they have problems or not, disconnects you from your partner because everything is now about the kids.

When you have a kid with extra needs it is all consuming. Hubby may be in denial, and cannot accept what is happening. It is a devastating thing to happen to a family. Some people cannot deal with it and I could say men have more trouble in general with dealing with health/emotional problems with family members from my own experiences. Mind you I am not talking all men. There are men on this site that would NEVER do this, I also know men in my own life that would not either. Plus my hubby is great, but my dad cannot accept what is going on with my daughter, and he also LEFT my mom when she was sick and dying, I took care of her for a year before she died. I was at her deathbed, not him. Some men cannot deal so they emotionally "check out". Tipsy if he cannot check back "in" he's going to be more trouble than he's worth. I hope you have a very supportive family and friends. We are all here for you. :h

[nancy]

What a great day/month/year/14years....NOT.....

mars and venus

DISCLAIMER: i HAVE NO KIDS AND NO HUBBY!

And now for the voice of inexperience...

I agree with many of the replies so far.

One thing I would like to add..

He sounds really, truly selfish.

But it's not clear whether you clearly communicate your feelings to your husband. Or you just do all these things and expect he knows it is wrong? Do you act like it is ok and accept it because you want to help him save face?

I know it should be obvious, but it isn't always to other people. this is even true for members of the same sex, if someone is sensitive about something. maybe he does just figure this is your job instead of a shared responsibility?

How do you respond? are you direct or a little passive aggressive? maybe he doesn't even pick up on it?

I hope I am naive and right because it would be very sad to think he knows he is crap but continues to behave this way. but until you communicate things...

And when you communicate, best to do so when you are not really angry about something he has done.

[tipsynomore]

What a great day/month/year/14years....NOT.....

THank you all for your amazing support and great advice. I'm sorry I haven't responded before but with my niece in town it's tough to get to the site long enough to post - I don't want her seeing any of this..... We are going to try I think we will try counselling - we've talked about it and he's willing to go. I have told him until I'm blue in the face that I need support - emotional even more than physical, but he does see it as my job - infact he's told the boys that that's how it is. I feel bad because I made him out to be a total bas***d and, even though at this present time I think he is, I'm not sure that that's not bitterness.. The problem is that I opened up to him about my battle with deppression and drinking and now, evey time I get cross with him for something or I try to tell him that he's not there for me or that he should lighten up on the kids, all he says to me is "Have you taken your pill today?" It really pisses me off. Its as if he's the perfect parent and I'm just some psycho who gets upset because I've not taken my meds..... He teases the kids and me - he knows how to push people's buttons and he says "it was just a little joke" when I call him on it. Aren't jokes supposed to be funny????? Today my 10 year old came in from swimming and said that he'd lost all trust in daddy because of a "little joke" he'd had with him. And yet, according to him I'm the psycho who overreacts! OH god, I didn't mean to rant again - I just came on to say goodnight and THank you. I don't have family around and I don't really have any friends here yet that i can confide in and I've been going crazy because I need to talk to someone. I'm just at the end of my tether and am ready to give it all up. You guys don't know what it means to me that I can rant and you don't call me a psycho..... You truly are special. Thank you from the bottom of my heart......... I hope you all sleep well and I'll PM as soon as I can..... I really could use your experience and advice! Take care.

[tipsynomore]

What a great day/month/year/14years....NOT.....

PS Lushy - just tell me where to send him!! oh no, he just might like it.....!!