i need a good talking to

[roxane]

i'm not eloquent at the best of times so bare with me please.

situation is my husband has terminal cancer, is on yet another course of chemotherapy and he is finding it gruelling (understatement). he developed a blood clot in the lung and stayed in hospital for four days. thankfully for me, my brother was visiting so i wasnt on my own, but he's a big drinker and i took the opportunity to drink without guilt/being on duty
i relaxed for the first time in nearly two years.

i looked forward to him feeling better and coming home, but i had really strong feelings of anger that suprised me. now, i feel sad. it reminded me of the time when i wasnt my husbands carer, when i had to keep up with him, i didnt feel the need to tell him to eat, drink, rest, be gently active when he could. its so sad to see a formally vibrant man reduced to this.
he still has determination but to see him be so ill from the treatment, that i wander if its worth it.

stuggling with the drink seems so purile when he's going through so much. i think sometimes 'so it will kill me, so what'.

we are both 43, there is a whole life ahead of me, i should look after my health. but at the moment i find it hard to care.

i just wanted to get it out of my head, sorry to be so miserable.

roxane

[Last Of The Summer Wine]

i need a good talking to

Hey Roxane - sorry to hear about your hubby, you sound so down, please try to be positive, although under the circumstances I know that must be so hard. Just take care of yourself, don't be hard on yourself. I'm sending positive thoughts and all my best wishes to you both. Take care, love.:l

[Last Of The Summer Wine]

i need a good talking to

PS - I can't get rid of my mood sign - I'm not really feeling devlish today - but the wee devil just won't shove off!!!

[roxane]

i need a good talking to

hi last of

i am feeling very down. i'm not a positive person anyway, but maybe your positive thoughts will come through.

i just felt the need to vent. i have said before that when i felt down i didnt like to post as i didnt like to bring everyone down, but i was told to do it, for myself. so i am. and it helps just to get it out.

g*d i feel so tired

roxane

[hablur]

i need a good talking to

Rox,

Your post spoke volumes to me. I can certainly relate to where you are. While my wife does not have terminal cancer she does have an illness that will never go away but will only progress further. As a care giver it is very hard on you and for that I really do understand. The fact that you had a little reprieve is something that you should feel absolutely no guilt over. Please don't.

I have been dealing with this for years and recently I have been just trudging through life. I never really considered myself depressed, but a few weeks ago my wife and I were really chatting about things and she thought I was, so I took some on-line tests. The tets said I had depression. I went and got hooked up with an Umpa-loopa (psychologist) and had my first session last week. You know what, it was very freeing.

I was able to chat about what it is like being a care giver and my drinking etc. I learned a lot that first session. I by no means am telling you what to do but as one care giver to another I strongly urge you to take care of yourself and get a little support for yourself as well. I have had many people tell me that it is harder being the care giver than anything else. I really don't know how true this is but I can say that for the last few years all my outside contact, fun, hobbies, etc have diminished to nothing. I take care of my wife and son and travel for work and drink. Not a very healthy life style.

These boards are very helpful and a great outlet but in all honesty we could use another one on one time with someone that can help us directly. I hope some of this advice helps. Feel free to pvt me any time and chat my ear off if you need anything.

[Last Of The Summer Wine]

i need a good talking to

Have an early night, sweetheart, make yourself a nice cuppa and read a magazine or listen to the radio or have a nice long soak in a bubbly bath. If I could reach through this monitor and give you a cuddle I would!:h

[Last Of The Summer Wine]

i need a good talking to

Hablur - you are a star!

[lushy]

i need a good talking to

Roxane, I am so very sorry for the situation you and your husband are in. He is far too young to be going through something like that and so are you. Being a caregiver is such an incredibly draining task and makes you re-evaluate your life as well. I am wishing you some peace.

[Jacy]

i need a good talking to

roxane

My prayers are still with and your husband. It seems that both of us are having hard times with different things. I do hope things will improve for you.

I am the same way about posting when I am down. I decided to do it today because I need positive thoughts not the negative feelings I am feeling now.

Take Care. PM if you like to. I miss you.

Jacy

[roxane]

i need a good talking to

last of, (i sound so moany now lol) we have a bloody uncomfortable bath! i used to love being in the bath for a good hour with a book, but not in this one frown.

hablur, i responded to one of your posts so i know you are careing for your wife, and i can relate.
i have found, as you have, that my life has shrunk to the bare bones.

i have been offered help from the macmillan nurses, but i'm afraid to let the top off the bottle. i cannot fall apart for a minute as i cant be sure to get myself together, i'm worried about having a breakdown.

i have also been told that it can be harder for the carer, who knows? what i do know is thats its hard for both, in different ways.

i'm glad that you have found it helpful to speak to an 'umpa-loopa' and good for you to be able to, sincerely.

this forum is a place where i (sometimes) feel able to let it go.

i may pm you hablur, but i would feel that i was pushing the boundary, so english lol

roxane

[roxane]

i need a good talking to

thanks lushy and jacy, i took so long writing my post that you got in while i was trying to find my way round the keyboard!

roxane

[hablur]

i need a good talking to

Rox,

That's a bunch of BS... PM me anytime. It is also cathartic for me as well. It may be so English but my offer holds true. I am not sure what kind of cancer your hubby has but currently my Auntie has Stage 4 Lung Cancer. The non-smokers type. I can't recall all of it. She is going true all the Kemo etc and it just blows her away as well. Basically they decided to lower it down and let her have some quality of life even though it will take her sooner. I know that may be hard to hear but that is some of the hard choices that I know you are having to face ATM and I completely sympathize. My mail box is always open

[Waves 2]

i need a good talking to

Roxane, Take advantage of the Macmillan nurses if only to help you get some sleep. Sending you love x and hugs :l :l

[betty boop]

i need a good talking to

Roxane,

I can't help but you are in my prayers ...........

Love & Hugs, BB xx

[roxane]

i need a good talking to

thanks all, it really helps.

in Adrians mind, getting in the Macmillan nurses admits defeat. to me they are cancer specialists, to him they are there to help you die.

he has oesophageal cancer, spread to lymph and spine. google if you like a bad story. the chemo is palliative, he doesnt think so.

he is very much compis mentis so its not like i could leave him with a 'babysitter'. in fact we went shooting on sunday. knocked the stuffing out of him but he wanted to do it.

i just wish that this palliative chemo would give him some quality of life, quite the opposite.

roxane