i need a good talking to

[roxane]

i need a good talking to

all your responses have been good for my soul, thank you all.

if i hadnt found this site i dont know where i'd be. thanks again.

i'm logging off off now goodnight

roxane xx

[magic]

i need a good talking to

roxane

What a mess. I am so sorry.

In one of my previous lives I was an oncology nurse, for many years. I'm sending you and hubby big hugs and may I make some suggestions?

The situation you find yourself in must stop before you find yourself diagnosed with a malignancy too. It is far, far too stressful. For anyone. Your anger is O.K. Of course it is. By God I would be angry too. Damn angry. Not at Adrian, you are losing your husband, at 43 years of age, how unfair is that?

This is one of most difficult things you will ever, ever do in your life. But you already know that.

If Adrian hasn't spoken to one of the Macmillan nurses, that is your first step, he must be made to see that you need help, and they can explain to him how they can make him more comfortable at the same time. Because if you don't get help inside the home he won't be able to stay in his own home, will he?

If he has not accepted his illness and some terminal patients never do, he needs to to talk to his physician, his nurses, again. With you. If the chemo is taking away his quality of life make sure the doctors know, perhaps they can change it or alter it someway.

If something doesn't change soon, sweetpea, you are going to fall apart regardless.
Please remember that you matter just as much as Adrian and that you cannot take care of him as you would like unless you take care of yourself first.

My thoughts are with you. Pick up the phone and call for help.
You are making the decisions now.

magic xx:heart:

[sujul]

i need a good talking to

Hi Roxane--
I am so sorry you are going through this....my prayers are with both you and Adrian...

I agree with what everyone else has said...I just also want to emphasize what magic said about taking care of yourself so that you can take care of adrian.

You actually need to take care of yourself, FIRST....it's worth remembering that air hostesses tell us all that in the event of a drop in air pressure, etc. parents should put on their own oxygen masks first and THEN take care of putting masks on the children. It's a good lesson--unless the caregiver is well and able to function, she/he will not be able to take care of anyone else.

You need both emotional and physical relief--it sounds like there are services that you can take advantage of that will help you--may i also suggest some sort of support group for caregivers? A friend of mine who had to take care of her father with alzheimer's found her support group a tremendous help since she was able to share what she was going through--including her anger--with others who were going through the same thing....
:l :l :l

[tipsynomore]

i need a good talking to

Roxane
I'm soo sorry about your husband and the terrible strain it is putting on you. I've never been in your shoes but I can see that it must be harder on you - you have to do everything, think about everything and still feel that you have to put on the brave face for your hubby and everyone else. Don't feel guilty about talking about your feelings here (my, my, I really should take my own advice!!) Don't do the English thing and try to keep the stiff upper lip - I'm originally from the UK so I've done it and know how crappy it is! PLEASE feel free to pm me and vent to your heart's content - I may not be able to give you the best advice like others here can, but I've got very broad shoulders for you to lean on.....
lots of love and hugs coming your way....:h :h :l :l

[roxane]

i need a good talking to

good morning all.

its the cold light of day now and i feel embaressed. all of your posts were lovely, especially saying that i could pm you, but i dont think i can.

posting last night is the closest i get to letting it out, and it feels this morning like i was wallowing in my self pity. we are both private people for want of a better word, and its not like i'm forcing myself to bottle it up, i just do.

moaning on this board is my release (if i ever do it again) so thanks for responding and allowing me to. i stops me feeling so isolated without everyone knowing who i am. does that make sense? i think hablur will know what i mean.

off to chemo today, so it goes on.

roxane

[magic]

i need a good talking to

oh, roxane

Please come back again and let it all out.

I, for one, saw NO self pity.

Another hug.

magic xx :heart:

[roxane]

i need a good talking to

thanks magic, cute kitty BTW.

i think i will let this thread die now and drop off the page.

thank you again for all your responses, and i will think about all that has been said.

roxane