girfriends

[tryingsohard]

girfriends

wa hooooo ! work is over, thanks jude, im so glad it s over till mon!! got invited out 2ce, of course i declined, im a good girl realy,deep down, bf would not b happy, must b the new red hair,

chrysa, thanks 4 your new post,

was starting 2 feel like story of my life, cant please any body, i angered people by being frivilous, an then by being honest about how i was feeling, im sorry it hurts your heart,
it hurts mine 2, it s not thru lack of trying that i ve not seen counceller, i have nagged but to no avail, if thats a word,

I DONT WANT TO B THIS DESPERATE, SAD, AN SEEMINGLY HOPELESS BELIVE ME!

i hope to b able to post some positive news soon, untill then, mayb avoid my posts, thanks 4 realising how lacking our nhs is in remote bumpkin villages such as mine, it s quite different to where u r im sure, our local shop shuts at 5,30 pm it s quite a strange place,, lol full of strange people, mainly farmers ,, no offence to any farmers !!!

[nancy]

girfriends

I find it hard to let go of people. But it seems lives get busier. More and more, lives revolve around a significant other and I don't think a lot of people have time for friendships. The friendships are there, but they get more superficial. Intimacy seems reserved for family and significant other as people get older.

But as Scooby said, you need to let go as people change and make room for new people.

[Guest]

girfriends

Facing facts......

Not been around much due to illness in family,so
have just thread this thread...........both thought-provoking and rather sad.
I think most people feel it`s a reflection on how boring we must be as individuals (which definitely isn`t the case) if we lack friends, so we`re sometimes afraid to admit to this.

Guess I`ve known for a considerable time now, that I really do not have a single friend, and oh!!!, how I would dearly love even just a couple..........

I think us lacking friends may well play a significant part in many of us having an alcohol problem........

Starlight Impress

[Lucy Van Pelt]

girfriends

wow!

Haven't been on here for a couple of days, and I am shocked this thread generated such interest!

First, Happy!! (Hugs)! Are you ok, sweetie?? Call me if you want!! I am so sorry!!

My thoughts, after reading everyones responses... I guess for me, in my family, I never really had very close relationships to my mom, dad, or even my sister growing up. At least, I didn't get my emotional needs met often. As an adult, I have become VERY close with my sister, but, in all honesty, it grew out of my nieces illness, so it has been somewhat lopsided, in that mostly I have been there for my sister emotionally. Probably, that is also my fault. I am sure I hold back with my family at this point, and at least with my sister, she would be a wonderful support if I would let her, but old patterns are hard to break, and especially given how tough things have been for her, with a sick and dying child, I just couldn't lean on her anyway. Bottom line, I have gotten my emotional needs met primarily from my friends throughout my life. My close girl friends have been the place for give and take emotional support. So, I think I am a pretty good friend, and I have always valued my close friends like family. Problem is, when life moves on, and these close friends move away, as I guess happens in life quite often, I am very, very sad.

Just so happens, given my current life situation, I have somewhat of a dearth of this kind of "kindred spirit" kind of friend in my life, and that had been hard. It is like going through life without family, in a way. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful family, in that I love my husband and my children, but it is different. Those of you who said you rely on your mom for that kind of emotional support...that is what I don't have :upset: OK I am not trying to be pathetic here...and I do have some good friends... I just wish they were near by. Wish I could pick up the phone on a bad day and say..."hey, come on over will ya?"

Just my thoughts.

Beth

[happycamper68]

girfriends

Bethy,
Not having my mommy either, I know what you mean. :upset:

BTW thanks for calling me! You're awesome. :h

[YoungAtHeart]

girfriends

This thread is sad, Beth, and it really resonates with me. A lot of my loneliness these days is about not having girlfriends. Mostly it's about busyness, but I think a lot of it is also about the breakdown of the extended family and the lack of community. I won't get too theoretical here though.

I used to have quite a few good girlfriends, but over the years they have slipped away. The girlfriends that I have now aren't really THAT close. Most of them are married, some unhappily, and I am single. I have met several women who have seemed like good possibilities, but for one reason or another, it didn't develop into something more. I have two good friends from junior high in New York, but they are both very busy, and we only speak every two-three months. That's doesn't sustain me though, even if it is just like old times when we do talk.

My very best friend from when I was married really let me down when I was getting divorced, and I've never really gotten over it completely. She practically lived at my husband's and my house when she was getting divorced, but she was so completely and totally NOT THERE for me when I got divorced, having just fell in love with someone. With my family far away, I was so alone. She rarely calls me, and since I moved about 40 miles away, I will sometimes call when I'm in her town. She's always delighted to have lunch together, and we have a nice time, but I know I can't count on her when the chips are down.

I don't hang on to friendships where I do all the reaching out, and I also have learned to recognize much more quickly those persons who will disappoint me.

It is so hard to make new friends when you are older, although it does happen sometimes. I'm on the lookout, and I will keep trying.

At this point, my best friends are my mom and the sister that lives with me. My other sister, while I love her, is pretty self absorbed. I enjoy the companionship of my sister who is here, although we are very different. But my mom has been my rock for several years now. It hasn't always been this way. We were like a match and dynamite when I was growing up. I'm grateful that we have both changed and grown close.

Anyway, this reminds me that I have a friend that I should be calling, so I am going to do that. I've been owing her a call for a while, so in honor of this thread, I'm going to make the move.
ng>
Love to everyone!:h
Kathy

PS: HC, I am thinking of you especially right now, sweetie.
:l Patty:l

[happycamper68]

girfriends

Thanks Kathy- :h

[nancy]

girfriends

There have been times in my life when I had very close friends, kindred spirits for sure. But there have been times, like now, when that is disrupted. I have felt that way due to moves and I also felt that way when everyone fell in love and settled down or when people who were close to me changed dramatically (eg in recovery and very self-righteous). Sometimes, it seems very hard for a single person to find a friend disappears overnight and pretty much for good in terms of a close friendship, as soon as they fall in love. Then the friendship becomes something you have once every few months and seems superficial.

I read an article that these days, people don't have extended networks of people to count on as much as they used to. The circle is pretty small-- hubby and immediate family. The article said people have fewer intimate ties and are more dependent on their significant other and family member for intimacy. This is tough for single people who are older. I think when you are younger, there are enough other singles around to have fun.

I also think you only need one really true, close friend to make life seem a lot less lonely. I don't think we should dismiss family members as close friends! No way. When they are close,that is the best.

[chrysa]

girfriends

In this particular life I have been more the "loner" type. As a child & teenager I worked hard at being liked and had friends, occasionally had a best friend, not often. It was exhausting & as I became more comfortable in my own skin I let facades drop. Much less work & stress.

Other women have told me I should have more women friends but it is just not me.

At this point and for a long time now I don't manage friendships; I just let them happen. Sometimes I feel like it is a ministry or something. It is wierd. 5-6 times now I can remember women coming into my life at a point of crisis in their own lives - death of mother (2x), identity crisis, divorce, husband abuse, etc. And I seem to stay real close to them for 1 or 2 years and then we move on. We keep in occasional touch.

Change & healing seems to take 1-2 years. I don't know.

Right now my best friend is someone that just came back into my life out of the blue about 3 years ago. We had not talked for over 30 years. She was a girlfriend in high school & our lives have tracked in a parallel manner. She is unique. She lives in Egypt and converted to Islam. Teaches English at AU in Cairo. 3 kids about same age as mine. We talk by phone & email & get together when she comes to states which is about 1-2x a year now.

We have so much in common that it is obviously a blesssing from God that we got in touch at this point in our lives to help each other heal. It is uncanny -- material for a book. It is a mutual kind of thing. We both get the same out of it & I know we will stay in touch until we die. It is too sister-like & deeply comforting.

There are women on the board who I feel I could become good friends with but I remind myself that this is the internet, a strange place, and again most internet friendships fade also after a year or so. It would be wonderful though to have "live" friendships with some of you.

~Luv~C~

[ScoobyDoo]

girfriends

Actually just reading Chrysa's post reminds me of something to add here. I joined a parenting forum when I was pregnant with Chris back in '97. I became friends with a group of women in Canada/US and with Shannon in particular, when her daughter was born a week after Chris. Shannon and I have been friends for these past 9 years now. I've stayed with her for a week in '99 and she'll be coming over for our wedding and staying at our place next year. Shann & I are like 2 peas in a pod and we found out in about '98 that we are long distance related paternally on both sides. Her parents and my parents have also met (they went out for dinner one night on San Fran when my parents were over there on holiday a few years ago). To cut a long story short, I think the internet can (on the odd occasion) bring lasting and true friendships. Shann and I call and email which is the next best thing to having a coffee together in the same room. She knows all about my struggles with alcohol over the years... she's a true friend

Bernie

[gracie29]

girfriends

Newbie question? How do you PM?

[gracie29]

girfriends

C-I have to agree with you about God's blessing in finding this friend from over 30 years ago. Something similar happened to my my mom about 15 years ago. My Dad had a gun collection that he wanted to sell and was advertising in the local papers. Gentleman that called was very interested in the collection and the more they dikkered (sp) over the price, tidbits of their lives came out. When they finally met for him to view the collection, come to find out his wife grew up with my mom when they were kids. Mom has resumed her friendship and in the meantime has resumed friendships with others in the group of growing up years.

Bernie-I also met a good friend through the internet and it's hard to believe that it's been 7 years we've been friend. She's an anchor who like me doesn't have kids and seems to always be one step of head of me to figuring out lives problems. I feel blessed that I've me her because other than my close friend from grade school she's about it.

Someone mentioned moms. I struggle with that sometimes she's my best friend but other times she tries my patience. She was raised as the baby and I'm the oldest so sometimes I think all that comes into play. Oh well.