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Am I an enabler??

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    #1

    Am I an enabler??

    My man hasn't been home in 3 days. Haven't heard from him. his cell was turned off all day Friday. I received a text from him Saturday morning that just said 'Hi'. If I had been drinking, I would be going crazy calling him and leaving all sorts of stupid messages wondering what he is doing or not doing.
    Since the 4 years we have been together, he has taken off like this numerous times, sometimes for weeks, just to be with his buddies.

    Right now I just feel like, mmm this is the type of person that he is, very inconsiderate and not much aware of how he affects people, that includes me. What am I doing taking care of this guy????
    Since I slowed my drinking way down I have been more in touch with my feelings and true desires in life, something that I haven't done in at least 6 years. I am also questioning myself and the relationships that I tried to nurture to no avail in the last several years.
    Now that I am not completely drunk and an emotional needy mess. I am starting to think.
    I can't believe that I have put up with such disrespect. I could offer this energy to someone who will truly appreaciate it and nurture me as well.

    I have made a list of the pros and cons of this relationship and I just look at pros side and one of them was, we enjoy drinking and eating together. Then the cons list is long long long.
    How did I let myself go this far? I am being exploited and I am allowing it to happen.
    oh my god! am I one of them there enablers?
    I feel safe thinking out loud on MWO.
    You can't turn a pickle into a cucumber
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    #2
    Am I an enabler??

    AMEN sister.....listen to that inner voice...I think you are the stronger one here
    Sometimes I wonder...."Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"...and then it hits me.

    Comment

      #3
      Am I an enabler??

      Is this a person who you see youself with for the long term?

      Does he help you be the best person you can be?

      Are you happy with the way things are?

      Does he respect you? (I think not!)

      Geeze girlfriend, what do you think??? :-)
      It always seems impossible until it's done....

      Comment

        #4
        Am I an enabler??

        YOU should belive that YOU deserve better,
        if you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got!

        Comment

          #5
          Am I an enabler??

          Trixie,

          Surely you must worry about him when you don't hear from him, and I think it is very mean of him to make you worry.

          Nobody deserves that, it's just not fair.

          Take care,

          Kitty
          Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
          Confucius

          Comment

            #6
            Am I an enabler??

            Trixie, whatever you choose for now or in the future, I applaud you that you're able to see things clearly for yourself now... I think everything is going to be just fine for you
            :heart: Sobriety - Keep it simple :heart:

            Comment

              #7
              Am I an enabler??

              Hi T-

              When the booze fog lifts everything is so much clearer. You see things you've never seen or experienced before. You will even see more opportunites and life's little treasures.

              Enjoy the new view. See how deserving you really are of the benefits of this life that's not dependent on alcohol. See that men are deserving of the new you and how you deserve a life of being fully happy and content.
              :flower: Change a life; make someone feel important. ................. ........................ ..................... ........................ ................. ....... sigpic

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                #8
                Am I an enabler??

                You are seeing very clearly right now. Go with that.

                Be true to yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect.

                Take Care
                "Keep your eyes and heart focused on the end goal at all times, and never settle for less."

                Comment

                  #9
                  Am I an enabler??

                  (((Trixie)))

                  Your post scares me a little. Some of those speculations apply to my relationship w/Joe. Not that he leaves me w/o word, but, the title of your post, "enabler", yeah, I think I am to Joe, maybe him to me.......

                  Sometimes why we "fog" up our clear thinking indeed.

                  I admire you for being able to examine your situation so clearly and wish you the best.:l

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Am I an enabler??

                    I think Breez hit it on the head. You are a deserving person. Maybe this is one of he reasons you chose to drink.
                    What St. Frances of Assisi said of himself is true for me.
                    ?If God can work through me He can work through anybody.?

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Am I an enabler??

                      Ummm... I am probably speaking way out of turn but in any relationship if the other takes off for even a day unannounced I honestly would not consider that a relationship... just my two cents. I hope you the best and frankly you deserve much better. I would certainly say that would be a major trigger. Please consider better for yourself.
                      Hablur

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                        #12
                        Am I an enabler??

                        I thank you all for the feedback and honesty. And yes I am considering making a change for the better. Now that I am not in a fog like you said breez.
                        I am starting to really worry about how weak and vulnerable alcohol has made me.
                        at least I am now aware.
                        I am glad to have your support.

                        love
                        trix
                        You can't turn a pickle into a cucumber

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Am I an enabler??

                          Trixie,

                          It sounds like not drinking is doing so much for your ability to think and also to think well of yourself and what you need. I commend you. You deserve good things.

                          I wish you all the best. As for your man, I'm going to stick to the saying, "If you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all."

                          We're all here for you! :hug: Wishing you only the best.

                          Hugs,:l
                          Kathy
                          AF as of August 5th, 2012

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Am I an enabler??

                            thank you Kathy I am thinking about moving forward
                            You can't turn a pickle into a cucumber

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Am I an enabler??

                              I love what hablur says.
                              Gabby :flower:

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