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How can I understand and support my partner

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    How can I understand and support my partner

    Hiya :new:

    I am new to the site, and would welcome any advice you have. I believe my partner has a drinking problem, but he doesn't. It often results in arguments etc, and as I hate it when he has a drink we end up in different rooms in the evening. When he doesn't drink, he is the most wonderful, caring man you could hope for (taking into account that we have our normal ups and downs like anyone). The reason I think he has a drink problem is that he hides cans etc around the house, and drinks everything in sight, including sherry! His dad was a big alcoholic, and was divorced from his mum. His Dad really is now suffering the effects, with very poor health, and is only 62. My husband is 39, and we have just had a lovely little baby girl thorugh IVF. When he drinks, he is not aggressive etc, but his personality changes and I really hate it. We are meant to be trying for another baby naturally, but haven't had the opportunity as most nights he drinks, and I don't want to go anywhere near him. I can tell a mile off if he has had a drink, so hiding the evidence is pretty pointless. He does come on to this site occasionally, as he says he could do with drinking less, but it doesn't seem to have any great effect. I don't drink hardly at all, due to the fact that I was doing IVF for years.

    Basically, confronting him has not worked at all, and it probably wasn't the thing I should do. So I would really like to understand the problem, and know how I can support him both in terms of accepting he has a problem, and the journey thereafter..... or do I just have to sit tight and wait......

    Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.

    #2
    How can I understand and support my partner

    welcome

    Welcome hockeygirl!

    First, let me congratulate you on the birth of your daughter! Now, any birth is a joyous event but the birth of an IVF baby is, well, hard to explain. Well done.....IVF babies are more than miracles. An IVF cycle is incredibly, incredibly stressful.

    My IVF baby turned 18 in May and I still look at him in disbelief sometimes.

    Hiding alcohol, personality changes, family history...and indicating that he thinks he should drink less. I think you could be right.

    Keep reading and posting, wisdom will come your way.

    Keep loving him too, as best you can.

    magic XX:schmokin:
    ~Are you looking for the Holy One?
    I am in the next seat.
    My shoulder is against yours. ~Kabir

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      #3
      How can I understand and support my partner

      Hi Hockeygirl

      Your husband is a very lucky man to have you in his life.. I'm going to leave the response to the others.. except to say.. the first step is acknowledging we are a drunk (or drink too much) then it is a process of re-adjusting habits and cravings and coming to terms with having to let a "good friend" go...

      Unfortunately we know that we hurt our partners but we don't mean to... your husband loves you very much the drinking isn't about you or your baby.. it's about him ... give him time.. don't confront him about the drinking 'cause as we do.. we turn back to our "good friend" for support..

      Welcome.. it'll be nice having you around and hopefully your husband..

      Cheers

      Wattle
      Failure is not the falling down... it's the staying down

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        #4
        How can I understand and support my partner

        Maybe you can visit the family section of this website and meet Determinatrix and others who have partners who are dealing with this.

        :welcome:

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          #5
          How can I understand and support my partner

          Hiya Hockeygirl and welcome to MWO..

          To me a supportive partner is my biggest weapon..In my experiance i came out and told my wife what she already knew...But it did'nt stop the tears..It is a huge learning curve but at the moment my wife(Mrs Macks) does'nt shout anymore..She isnt lost...She has hope...And we are both happier for it.
          The way i look at it is if drink is stopping me from having a normal life..The drinking tends to start earlier and earlier..And is causing friction then it's a problem...There are members of my extended family that drink more than me but don't see it as a problem and prefer to arrange their lives around drink rather than the other way round..

          Your partner IS a very lucky man having you want to help him...Like i said it's the best thing you can do...My wife will give better advice than me..as she is in your shoes..

          Finally congratulations on your baby...We have 5 children ourselves and they are an absolute gift...So enjoy her..

          You take care and i hope to see you around on the boards....Macks:l
          I don't care who you are...Your not walking on water while i'm fishing..
          One drink is too many... A thousand is never enough...Sober since July 2nd 2009

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            #6
            How can I understand and support my partner

            BUMP..

            Just bumping this back up as it was Hockeygirls first post and i was hoping she'd get back..
            Thanks
            I don't care who you are...Your not walking on water while i'm fishing..
            One drink is too many... A thousand is never enough...Sober since July 2nd 2009

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