Marriage mess

[YoungAtHeart]

Marriage mess

Poor Psychmommy,

OCD!! I feel for you! Of course people with OCD don't think they have a problem, they just drive everyone ELSE nuts!! :H Anyway, more seriously, I hope that you can get him to consider couple's counseling. If he's going to lay EVERYTHING at your doorstep, that's not a good sign.

If you'd like to PM me, please feel free. I'd love to talk to you more about this.

Hugs,
Kathy

[Flip]

Marriage mess

Do you want to have to live your life having to drink to relax in your own home??? Do you want to spend the rest of your short life (it goes so fast and you can't get it back!) with a man who doesn't respect you?
Do you want your kids growning up in a house of violence?
What do you want out of life - happiness or unhappiness?

[memarcie]

Marriage mess

Psychmommy

I wish you strength in your life and hope that this was a one time incident . In no way should you feel that it was your fault that he hit you. I respect you for whatever decision you do with this.

Love and Hugs,
Marcie

[Accountable for Me]

Marriage mess

On the news more often than not some woman was killed by her spouse in a domestic dispute. You do not deserve this - and no one has the right to lay their hands on you in a violent way, or anyway you don't want. It only gets worse. And know there aren't many people out there who can magically be rehabilitated from being violent. No amount of apologies, or they will never do it again's will fix them. People do not change over night and for most never do. Think of it in a way as our drinking. We don't simply say to ourselves or others that we will quit this instant and actually succeed with it. The same goes with violence or any other form of abuse. Usually people get worse before they get better. Rock bottom isn't only a substance abusers term. A man may kill his spouse because he was completely enraged and then when it dawns on him of what he had done and what caused it to escalate that far - he hits rock bottom and decides he needs help.

They are powerless and prey on people who aren't strong. Don't give him anymore power - take it away by putting and end to it. Even if you have to phone the police. God, this subject really sickens me. No one deserves it!

[gabby]

Marriage mess

Accountable....you say it good.

[trixietrack]

Marriage mess

psychmommy;165135 wrote: I really had no one to run the situation by, but knew you wonderful people on MWO would understand. I appreciate all the input. I didn't know how much responsibility I had with the situation as I was drinking. The crazy thing is, I used to work at an agency that specialized in domestic violence and I have extra training in the area. I guess it's just more confusing when you're the one it's happening to.

:thanks:

Dear psychomommy- I had a relationship years ago where my x was verbally abusive, the first time he got away with banging my head against the floor. I for some reason let it go instead of walking out. I was drinking heavily at the time.

I had no idea that things would escalate between us. 7 months later we got in an argument and he beat me very badly.
I had him arrested, I was in a drunken fog but went ahead and pressed charges.
violence like this escalates.
I also must add that I came from a non violent, non alcoholic family.
please take this very very seriously

[Guest]

Marriage mess

Physc, without reading everyone's post. ( my house is a little crazy busy now) You have to address thiis situation ASAP!!!!! I found myself on the recieving end of beatings from my ex fiancee, sometimes I was drunk sometimes not. The fact is with first hit they now realize that they have the power and authority over you . As Gabby said it will escaluate. I am trying to scare you because the last beating I took left me nearly unconscious on the floor. I litterally was feeling my soul leave my body, I pulled in and said I'm going to live. The next day I got out. Please protect yourself. You are not a drunk; ( I hate that term . It's degrading) you are a woman with a drinking problem.
Biggest hugs ever
Mary

[Lotus]

Marriage mess

Psychmommy

Violence is wrong. Period. I am guilty of being violent towards my husband whilst drunk, but where I thought it was a one-off I found that my anger had increased. I know now that when I feel like I'm about to swing for him I walk out of the house.

Talk to him when you are ready and maybe speak to someone for yourself just for support. When your in that situation it is not the same as someone who looks at it from the outside.

Take care.
Mandy x

[Rocky]

Marriage mess

Psychmommy

Please take seriously the advise of those here that have been there in your situation.

I also would plead with you to get some help locally where you live. Take steps to MAKE things change, if not, they will not change!

Rocky

[tryingsohard]

Marriage mess

hi again, i know how it can feel when every1 is telling u to leave, i know u make allowances 4 your hubbys ocd, but does he make allowances 4 u drinking, i dont mean make excuses 4 each others problems, it s got 2 b a 2 way thing, i understand u have kids,also,

IF this happened again as i pray it dosent , do u have somewhere 2 go, maybe u need to have a plan so that u can just walk out the door, i know how hard it is to just go, been there, im not saying make a plan to run away in the night but prepare yourself if it does cos seriously babe if it s happened once it s 2 easy to do again, u need to sit your man down an really let him know that u r NOT going to accept this behaviour, an if he does it again no 2nd chances, u r not a physco mum , u r a mum, an a woman , remember this an b a strong assertive 1 , please xxx

[diamond]

Marriage mess

I used to be violent to my husband when drunk or -on the way to being drunk- until the day after 10 years of me abusing him, and he never touched me - he fought back he held my hands and slapped my face.

That was about 4 years ago - I have never touched him since and he has never touched me again (in violent manner I mean!).
Do you think I learned my lesson ? I do.

So unless someone is there watching the action we cannot tell you what to do. Please think about your situation, only you truly know what to do.

[gabby]

Marriage mess

But Diamond.....I'm sorry but thats different. Not that its ok at all that you did that. But its sounds like to me he just got sick of it. When he did that back to you - how come it taught you a lesson?????

My guess is cuz he scared you! He made you fear him! Now dont get me wrong here. I'm not sayin it was ok for you to do it to him and not him you. It WAS wrong for you to do that. And not that you werent whacked out when you did it. (sorry) But.....the BIG BUT.....unless you had a gun or are some martial arts queen or something like that.....did you really scare him? I mean did you overpower him and make him be in fear of you? My guess is no. But when he did it back to you once....just once. Did he scare you? or overpower you? WERE YOU IN FEAR? humm.....well my guess is ya. Is that what has kept you from doin it again? See....there is a difference.

Again I have to say it wasnt right for you to do that. But.....for a man to go off on a woman - ya damm right whatever you were doin.....or whatever you thought you were doin more than likely you arent gonna do it again! Which is the problem. It turns into OUR problem. We caused it. It was our fault. And abusers take that and run with that. More than likely they arent gonna own it. They make us do it. And the worst part is.....we as women so WILLINGLY take that role on. Why is that our job? So as soon as we settle into that place we give up our rights and give them all the control from that point on. And the cycle begins.

Now exceptions do exist. MAYBE a change can happen. But you might win the lottery first.

So I will climb off my soap box and go back to work. Sorry to be so passionate about this. Its just that I lived it. And its hard to break the cycle once it starts.

My lesson learned is...Just be safe and dont go there at all.

[diamond]

Marriage mess

I am sorry I didn't mean to give advice out of turn. I didn't suffer the abuse my husband did for years. He was scared I would kill him when he was asleep, or poison him or beat the kids or drunk drive etc, etc. I put him through hell.

No, - this is the honest truth - he didn't scare me, he made me feel the physical pain that I had been doing to him for all those years. I didn't like being slapped, it hurt, what I had been doing physically and emotionally hurt him. I am lucky he didn't call the police on me.

I was very bad I can assure you. I have to be honest and face this or I might as well start drinking again.

[hart]

Marriage mess

PLEASE TAKE THE ADVICE OF EVERYONE HERE.:l I feel so angry now on your behave I am having trouble typing. There is no f*cking reason to ever hit a loved one. It would be a little more understandable if you hit HIM when you were drinking but that isn't what happened is it. And your kids will be effected if this escalates. You do owe it to yourself to seek help. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS and it will only get worse if you do nothing.:l

[gabby]

Marriage mess

Diamond, I'm sorry too. I give you so much credit for lookin at yourself and then really workin on it. That is so hard to do. I just cant say how good that is. Your husband and family is lucky. Not many get that. I'm glad your here Diamond.

Big hugs.....