to all those that doubted me

[tryingsohard]

to all those that doubted me

thank s u r all so kind,
bf just txt from work, as expected it s all my fault, but he dont want me 2 go, but i got 2 get help,

if he d bothered 2 ask he d know i was seeing counceller 26th!

ima i think i know what i got to do, i only get so worked up cos he ignores me an hopes it will all go away, 3yrs he shud know it dont go away i go BOOM!

calmed down now,just got a lot of thinking to do , oh and an electrician to find!!!

[bootcampbarbie]

to all those that doubted me

girl am going to bed but can hardly understand your text. do i need a book to get the abbreviations? so can you tomorrow write in english what is happening? like okay i have no place to live, my kids my boyfriend, my drinking..... you went on a bender? is this a cry for help? sigh. bootsie is just well not comprehending your text.

[louise]

to all those that doubted me

Judy, Unfortunately, most of us come to this site wit a lot of baggage and did not just develop a problem with alcohol out of nowhere (there do seem to be a some but they seem to be the minority). It seems that the problems of other people on the site trigger our own issues, I know it has happened to me. It seems to be something we all need to be aware of when posting. Rachel, this is your thread so what I am trying to say is that some reactions to your situation may have to do with the other person's life and not you. I hope you are managing to get some sleep despite the electric switch.

[Mackeral]

to all those that doubted me

Hope you have a better day today Rachel..

[louise]

to all those that doubted me

I sure am a slow typist! Here I am writing about sleep and Rachel is up bright and early as possible. Don't you believe it - "it takes two to tango" - almost never is anything all your fault.

[tryingsohard]

to all those that doubted me

sorry bootsie was rather drunk an angry last night , hope your birthday was good, thanks mack have a nice day at work ,lol,
louise i just tex him an said it has a lot to do with him why i flew off handle, we will see later, im not taking all the blame, xx

will be back in while got to make pack lunch, xx

[tryingsohard]

to all those that doubted me

got a long day of work, roast day in cafe, then more bloody cleaning! i got 1 of them horrible headaches from crying all night, but got 2 go, cant let any 1 else down,

gonna right a letter an make my bf read it, i cant explain 2 him if he s not listening, i knew if i told him about how much i drink he would throw it in my face, he s got all the ammo to make all this my fault, im determined to get my point across somehow, well hope u all have a good day or night, xx

[louise]

to all those that doubted me

Rachel sweetie, if he is determined to throw all this in your face and make it all your fault, you deserve much better. I know it is not on your doorstep to replace him at the moment, but if you get clear about the kind of relationship you want, and say no loudly to anything else, you will get it. I know because this happened to me when I started paying attention to how I felt about myself when I was with a man rather than how I felt about him. It makes all the difference. Don't spill the gravy and do ok at work.

[tryingsohard]

to all those that doubted me

lol, i ve never spilt it yet but theres always a 1st, jus hope no 1 give s me grief 2day or i might be tempted to ACCIDENTLY drop a roast in there lap!!

i know a lot is my fault but he s no angel, he knows ignoring me makes me worse, 1 day out of 5 we were talking, proper that was yesterday, but cos i wanted to talk about y we fll out he used the classic line drop it now your boring me, it s like he is pushing buttons,

2nite will b interesting, i wont b drunk, i got cleaning to do after cafe so wont b home till 5, it s got 2 be sorted , i cant be rowing over these things, i need to concentrate on sorting my head out , thanks lou, xx

[Guest]

to all those that doubted me

Hi Rachel,
Not been around here much as my kid hasn`t been well.

Your bf seems to have calmed down for the mo., although you say he`s still blaming you for everything.............so for now, I would sit tight and try to keep the peace, since you and your son currently have nowhere else to go...........concentrate on striving to get your son the nice birthday he deserves.

Beyond that, if I were you, I would DO NOTHING about the home situation until you see the alcohol team on 26th..........I think once you`ve been assessed by them, and they devise a treatment plan for you, only then will you be able to look at the bigger picture and weigh up whether or not you can get well whilst continuing to be with your boyfriend.

Once you are given a treatment plan, I think you will become very focussed and know what to do for the best for you and your son. You`re going to have to give your all to that treatment plan, because your boy needs you...........if at times you falter and think you can`t do it for you, tell yourself you will do it for your son..........I`ve been where you are.......he`s only a wee boy of 10..........he needs his mum to get better.

It`s obvious from your posts just how much you love your boy...........give him back his Mum 24/7, Rachel................

Much love,

Starlight Impress

[tryingsohard]

to all those that doubted me

thanks babe,i hope your daughter gets well soon, stay tough, what u just said thats just what i was sitting here thinking, i been in limbo for weeks waiting 4 this appointment,
maybe i havent explained things properly to bf,, but he hasent asked,

i get frustrated when i cant make him understand, it s like he dosen t want 2 know, he fiorgets about things that get said but they play over an over in my head an i cant get past it,suppose i need to work out what s really important,,

texting his ex is something that s gonna be a problem, she has caused so much trouble after dumping her child on me,

i told my bf to get his son to call his mum on her birthday, he didnt ask him , as he knew my sstep lad wouldnt so took it upon his self to txt on his behalf on his phone , he deleted the message so i couldnt see,

i have an would walk over hot coals for his boy an cant understand y im annoyed,

my feelings dont matter he thought of his ex an how she would feel , when her son didnt want to call her, thats her fault she dumped him cos she wanted her new fella 2 move in,

maybe im bein a cow but he cant understand how hurtful she has been, shehas tried her hardest 2 make her kids hate me, making them call me some awfull names , i been called a fxxxxxg ugly bitch by a 7 yr old, who has also said she s not allowed 2 talk 2 me cos mummy will b cross,

but still bf cant c y that would hurt that he s still worried about how she will feel cos her son cant b assed wiv her,

sorry to go on , had 2 get that out, thanks xx hope all is good 4 u an daughter today xx

[Deilight]

to all those that doubted me

Hey Rachel

You sound like you're having a rough day. Still can't figure the time diffs but hey, you'll read this sooner or later. My home life is not good at the moment either. Also have to come up with money at the end of the month,-with no job! My fault and kicking myself for it! Wish I could turn back time. So, if anything, I'm with you, having a tough time! Remember yourself and your son, at the end of it all, that's what's important.

Stay strong with me and we'll see...

...Like my new avatar? Was going to use ugly Medusa but I like the artist who did this one and I should try be nicer to myself I thought.

[tryingsohard]

to all those that doubted me

hi delight,

i know what u mean bout the money, i shud a been saving up, for my boys birthday, last big job i did i gave money to bf, should of bought his present then but it went towards the rent, i dont earn a great deal now i got to rely on bf, to get present wich at moment im not sure is wise, oh hindsite is a wonderful thing,

think i sweet talked an electrician who come in cafe for breakfast to come fix my light,switch tommorrow, i worried him by asking how 2 do it so he said he d come look, , try NTP Time Zone Clock it s good,

avatar is cool,

[YoungAtHeart]

to all those that doubted me

I must admit, Rachel, it is easier to read your posts when they're all written out without so many abbreviations so I don't have to translate.

I have noticed that your boyfriend doesn't seem to want to listen to more than a bit when you want to talk to him or try to explain. This worries me a bit. It always worries me when someone doesn't want to take ownership of their part in a relationship problem.

I know you have a big problem with drinking, but I think this fellow is only supporting you by giving you a place to live, and even that is unstable. He can kick you out at any time. Otherwise, I think he is diminishing whatever good feelings about yourself that you have. When you get sober, you will be able to start looking at things more clearly and seeing what is good for YOU and your son, and you'll be able to start taking care of YOURSELF. (Scary, I know, but I learned how to do it, and so can you! )

I'm counting down the days with you until the 26th Rachel, only 8 more to go....

Hugs,:l
Kathy

[tryingsohard]

to all those that doubted me

hey you are so right, i know what i want to say,a million things run thru my head, but when he is annoyed he just ignores me, i spent 5 days of 6 not talking so the 1 day we make up i try to explain what i ve been thinking an feeling, he just wants to sweep it all away, but sorry pal it s not going away, he hurt my son s an my feelings by not dropping him at cinema but picking his daughter up the very same day from the very same place, if he cant or wont understand that then theres not much future,

i have as i said b4 walked over hot coals for his children, maybe our relationship is 1 sided or maybe he dosent realise what i have put in , an tollerated thru our relationship,

if he wont listen he will nevr know,

we have the basis of a good relationship, but we both drink to much, i think being honest i have made it easy for him to drink to much, he doe s have control where as i dont, an i have only in last 4 weeks been totally honest, so i ll try, as long as he doe s , he needs to listen an realise what im up against if it s got any chance,,

im not afraid to do this alone an think he knows it, i dont want to but belive me i wil if needs be, thanks for reinforcing what i was thinking, again u r good at that,, an im trying to write proper english!! love to you xxxx