Losing Our Mothers

[magic]

Althought my mother's death was expected, she was terminally ill for many months, her death sent me into the depths of despair and my drinking escalated to the point where I spent every waking moment drinking something.

I gave my mother permission to die, to go, as she seemed to be hanging on, waiting for me to arrive so I would be there to take care of my younger sister. I was the last to speak with her, to tell her I loved her and if she needed to go she could, it was alright. I was there. She died shortly thereafter. Peacefully.

I am grateful that I was able to say goodbye. I was 46 but I felt like I was 12 and an orphan. That was five years ago and it feels like yesterday.

The dream thread brought back some memories and I started to wonder. How many of us found that losing our mothers was a point of no return? For me it was not just my mother's death but all the ugly family stuff in an incredibly dysfunctional family that I was forced to deal with as well. The only real coping tool I had at the time was my Scotch.

magic xx :schmokin: and my smokes

[happycamper68]

Losing Our Mothers

Yes Magic,
I will quickly say that I have not ever been the same since my mom died, it has made me stronger in lots of ways, but there are members on this site that have my witnessed my posts when I am in utter despair over losing my mother. My daughter is autistic and it can be very difficult and there are moments when I just cry for my mother to help me out with all of this.

I too was there when my mom died, it was almost 15 years ago when I was 24. There is a book called "Motherless Daughters" which I found to be comforting. You can find it on Amazon. :h

[IAD]

Losing Our Mothers

With me it was my father....
Everyone in my family...cousins. etc, would always come to him for advice. Though my father always felt inadiquate because his mother & father never married, he was the best father that ever lived. We always had people @ our house ; people I never even knew, coming to see my father. They knew him, but I did'nt know them ! He was never without a friend. I wish I was as wise as my father! IAD

[Keepon!!!!]

Losing Our Mothers

Hi Magic and Happycamper....Im so feel for you both........bigs hugs:l

Because I couldnt imagine loosing my mother....she is my rock...and I know one day im going to face what you two have and I dont know how im going to cope

[memarcie]

Losing Our Mothers

It has to be so hard to lose a parent. My father-in-law died 3 years ago and that was very hard, I was very close to him. My heart goes out to all who have lost a parent.

I just got some very scary news about my mom. My dad called a couple hours ago and she's been in the hospital since Wednesday with blood clots in her lungs. Sigh, it sucks being 1400 miles away and I can't just stop and see her.

Marcie

[happycamper68]

Losing Our Mothers

Marcie, I will thinking about you and your mom! let us know what is going on! :h

[soccermom]

Losing Our Mothers

I know this feeling.
My mother had breast cancer and battled it with a vengance for 10 years. I'd like to say that we "knew it was coming" or "this is what we expected" and that it wasn't a surprise or shock. But the bottom line is it was a shock. The death of one's mother makes you different, part of a select group of people who have lived through watching their mother die no matter how "expected" it may be.
Throughout the last days, she was upbeat and positive and continued to make us laugh by the funny things she would say. She refused to allow us to believe what she already knew. That this time, she would not win.
I miss you Mom, everday.

[n2itiv]

Losing Our Mothers

Ah magic,

You were the very first person who posted to 'My Story' (my first day and first posting) and now I have a better understanding why you related to the passing of my own mom.

xox

[Guest]

Losing Our Mothers

Losing anyone you love just SUCKS! Those of you that know me know I lost my fiance' in 2006 in a car accident and I thought that was the worst thing that would ever happen to me. The shock of his death sent me into a binge drinking episode for a year. I tried to drink the pain away...of course THAT DOES NOT WORK. Which is how I found MWO. I really thought if I had just had time to prepare for his death it would have been better....it would have made it easier...BUT IT ISN'T EASIER WATCHING SOMEONE SLOWLY DIE. My Mama came to live with me after Billy died and 9 months after he died she was diagnosed with terminal colon cancer...it had already spread to her liver. Death is just very hard. What I have had to do is find faith and believe that I will see them again someday and believe in that.

[paula]

Losing Our Mothers

I lost my mother some years ago, and wish I could have had some happy memories
but they are in short supply. I too come from a dysfunctional family. When mum died
I too drank to ease the pain, I felt guilty and full of remorse, and it does take a long time
to come to terms with it but you will.
Remember it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
Love Paula. x

[YoungAtHeart]

Losing Our Mothers

I haven't yet lost my mother, but I've lost my dad. It's been 14 years now. That was very hard. I can't even begin to imagine life without my mother. She is 81, but in pretty good shape. I am dreading life without her.

I wish all of you who have lost your moms peace and healing and faith.

Marcie, please keep us posted. That is scary news.

[IAD]

Losing Our Mothers

Young @ Heart.
I have'nt lost my mother yet....She was always stronger than my father.....always kept our family together. (My father was in the Military and gone for long periods of times.) I will be in a whirl wind when she is gone. It will be my biggest heart break! IAD

[YoungAtHeart]

Losing Our Mothers

I hear you, IAD, in a quiet way, my mom has a lot of strength too.

[lushy]

Losing Our Mothers

Funny you started this thread Magic because in the last week I have felt my Mother's presence in an incredibly strong way since she died. She has been in my dreams, I have been thinking of her more than usual, I have been more weepy about her, etc. She died two years ago and she and I were extraordinarily close, as were my father and I. Losing my parents was a HUGE "reason" my drinking escalated out of control. Easiest, quickest numbing agent to help me deal with losing my parents. However, I have finally come to realize that instead of being so mournful, I need to be so grateful for what I did have with them because a lot of people go through their lives and simply tolerate their parents and do not have a real closeness. I was truly blessed indeed.

[YoungAtHeart]

Losing Our Mothers

Right on, lushy! You are very wise. There is a time to mourn, and a time to be grateful for what you did have. I think it's hard to move from one place to another, but you are doing it! XOXOX