Losing Our Mothers

[happycamper68]

Losing Our Mothers

Oh good Marcie I am sooo glad! :h

[gabby]

Losing Our Mothers

Happy, thanks for showing me the book Motherless Daughters and there is the other one Motherless Mothers. I'm ordering it tonite. I lost my mom 18 years ago to cancer and still miss her so much.

Good Thread

[zincityzen]

Losing Our Mothers

My mother died at 44, just a year older than I am now. I was 16, in the middle of my junior year. She had been diagnosed with cancer which quickly metastasized and was dead within 6 months. It didn't start me drinking, exactly. About 6 months after her death I went through a yearlong period of being promiscuous, absolutely acting out in reaction to the lonliness and pain. Sometimes alcohol was involved, sometimes not.

Losing my dad 10 years ago inspired me to break 4 years of sobriety, though.

It is a terrible truth, though, that loss makes you stronger. Whenever I've been afraid of rocking the boat, pissing people off, I've always thought: what's the worst that could happen? what could they possibly take away from me? You see, because I've withstood the worst, in some ways (well I haven't lost my husband, house or gone bankrupt, so I won't tempt the evil eye here).

[hart]

Losing Our Mothers

(((Zinc))))

Hon I feel for u, I used men to make me feel wanted myself. u r not alone in your past.:l

[happycamper68]

Losing Our Mothers

Yes, it's made me way less materialistic, I don't expect much, I have a lot of friends that can be golddiggers but that isn't a life. Just want to be happy and content. Who the hell wants to sleep with someone just because they have cash? That is abhorrent to me. Admittedly my life is pretty crappy (but I have a good husband) but there are a lot of people I know that would have walked out of here already. I am not joking. Our living conditions could make one nutso. One friend from the site has been in my apt. and knows this but it always could be worse. :h

[magic]

Losing Our Mothers

Popeye;167563 wrote: When I was very young, my mum was perfect.
Then she took to drinking. Serious, heavy drinking and turned into a nightmare.
For many years I hated her. She ruined our whole family and made my life hell.
Then she was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and she made every effort to stop drinking.
We became friends again.
I had my mum back; and then she died.
I miss her.
She talks to me sometimes.

Popeye,

I just love your post. So simple, so sweet, so loving.

Zin, I think you are right, we have withstood the worst.

magic xx :schmokin:

[Flip]

Losing Our Mothers

My Dad died 8 months ago, I was there, and the last one to see him. I got to make peace with him in those last hours.

At the same time, my mum was extremely ill with matastisied kidney cancer (in her bowel and stomach). After the funeral I sat with my mother in intensive care for a week.

I drank like a fish for that period of time, but after mum came home I decided that I was no longer going to abuse my body with alcohol. Two weeks later, when I returned to my home (interstate) I stopped drinking and I haven't touched a drop since. It's been nearly 8 months.

I want to do everything I can to avoid dying from cancer and I knew that my drinking would have killed me. I still have a lot of weigth to lose (as a result of drinking and compensating when I gave up!), but I know I will do it when I am ready.

F.

[magic]

Losing Our Mothers

Flip,

I think, my dear, that you could probably do anything you set your heart on.

I cannot imagine living through that or any of the life events writtten about in this thread.

When I entered rehab there was a question on one of those question thingies about "do you think that your life has been tougher/more difficult etc. than average?" I answered yes, and I still think so. The people I met in rehab had had miserable, hard lives, through no fault of their own, really.

And when I read of young women losing their mothers at an early age, of families struggling with ill children and adult children of alcholics, I think it's damn sad that the world looks at the addict with such dismay and not with the dignity we deserve.

It takes courage to come through loss, and wisdom.

magic xx :schmokin:

[louise]

Losing Our Mothers

Marcie, I hope your mom will be ok. All of these posts touched me, but Liz, your mom's comment and Beth, your recent loss of Lindsay touched me most. I lost my dad when I was 29 and my mom when I was 33. It was hard. I'm now at an age where I'm supporting many friends through this as their parents are in their 80's. I lost my stepdaughter almost 4 years ago. It was the hardest because it makes life seem backwards.

[chrysa]

Losing Our Mothers

I have come to believe that at no matter what age when a woman loses her mother it is deeply traumatizing at some levels. I realte so much to the posts here. The year my mother died was the worst year of my life. And we did not even get along. I thought I would never see my brothers again. I am close to being right.

The week of her death & funeral was the most painful in my whole life. I had to clean ot her house & deal with my brothers. My husband & I had begun having serious marital probllems & he had just started a new business. Stress was a total understatement.

They say I did not talk for 3 months after. I started taking a lot of painkillers. I don't think I drank a lot because I had so much to do but I became addicted to the pain-killers that year. It also triggered early peri-menopausal onset.

I hope when I pass that it is not that bad for my daughter and that she will be able to deal with it like Lushy has because we have such a great relationship.

A lot of the bad pain must be connected to unpleasant memories, unresolved emotions and conflicts. It's a phenomenon -- a book.

[gabby]

Losing Our Mothers

When my mom died I was soon to become a mother myself. She sooo wanted to be a part of that. Being her only daughter she couldnt wait to be a Grandma to my babies.

Just typing that tears at my heart and makes me cry. She would have so been such a good grandma and enjoyed every second she had to spend with her grandchildren. And I so badly wanted to share that with her.

When I was little I remember looking forward to havin children and having the whole Mom, children and Grandma thing. Even still when I see that in the mall or where ever it can just rip my heart out.

My sons would have loved her so much too. I see a lot of her in them. From facial characteristics to little personality traits.

Funny how at times - even tho she has been gone for a long time I catch myself almost going for the phone to call her for advice or just to share something funny that happened with the kids. And now that I am going through this damm divorce and the kids and their teen years. God how I have needed her.

And to think of the way my ex's mother has been alive and so absent in their lives. And so criticizing of me, blaming me for everything.

At times.....as aweful as this is to say - I wish I could have traded their lives for one anther.

I know that is bad to say or even think....GOD forgive me on that one. But why is it that the good one goes and the icky one stays?

Her absence is a huge empty spot in my life and will be till I see her again.

The only good thing for my kids is I have always told them they are lucky cuz they have her for their Angel.

[paula]

Losing Our Mothers

Bak, I lost my beloved nephew aged 14 to leukaemia some years ago, he was as close to
me as a son, so I do know how you feel. We do expect to lose our parents but not our children. I looked on the site re. Lindsay you have much to be sad about, but also proud.
Maybe one day we will understand, I truly believe there is a reason for everything. I too
lost both my parents, and it does not compare with losing Lee.
Love Paula.x

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Losing Our Mothers

Thanks Paula

Wow, what a thread. I just re-read all the posts, and at first I was thinking "wow, this is really depressing...", but then I saw it very differently. "Wow! How much we have loved and been loved by amazing people...mom's, dad's niece's. nephews, friends." It is really a powerful thing...love. Yes, it is terrible that the good one's have to go, but.... how amazing lucky we are to have experienced people like this in our lives. That is truly magic.

The whole thread, when looked at this way, is not really sad at all. In fact, it is a very inspiring, and really powerful thing.

In many, many, ways, although we hurt so badly, we are the lucky ones. We hurt, because we know what a gift we had been given.

I hope this hits you the way it has me. I am smiling through tears today, but mostly, I am smiling.

I love you all

Beth

[Lucy Van Pelt]

Losing Our Mothers

P.S.

I am on the way out the door to meet my GRAND-father for lunch!! We do this once a month. He is turning 99 in Oct. He lives on his own, drives!!!, has all his own teeth, walks (brisqely) with no cane, travels, and has been in the hospital twice in his life. Once in 1926, and once in 2002, both times for pnemonia (first time there was no ant-biotics yet). He is an occasional call in to the Randi Rhodes syndicaded radio show (very liberal fowl mouthed lady!) where he complains about our current administration, talks about teaching in NYC in the 1920's and about the teapot dome.

He is an absolute hoot, and I think will outlive us all. I hope so. Yes, I am blessed. Sometimes I forget that. Oh, we meet for chinese food (every time) and HE can read the darn fortune cookie without any GLASSES!!!!

Bye all!!

[Niblet]

Losing Our Mothers

Magic, I know how you feel and you are not alone. We all here feel for you and share the same feelings.. Raw as they are sometimes it really helps to share them with others... I lost the most important lady in my life 4 years ago.. My gramma.. I understand your pain. Thanks for sharing and I wish you all the very best, Hugs, ~Niblet~