Guess I`ve felt this creeping up on me over the last 2 or 3 wks........
O.K., at the risk of boring you all (as if!!! LOL) , let`s go back to the beginning........
I came here a couple of months ago at my all-time low.........I was enthralled by reading through all of the success stories, while remaining convinced that I would never taste, let alone savour, the same kind of success, only I did...........I feel I am a success as regards confronting my alcohol problem goes, as I realize that wine no longer holds me in its `vice-like grip` of the past 5 yrs.
As I`ve posted in the past, I can`t really explain how I came to be at this point. I came here believing that second-hand successes would be `as good as it gets` for me.............never in a million years would I be able to clamber out of my self-made alcohol abyss. And so it was, that I read and shared in your achievements, wishing so hard that I could follow in your footsteps, whilst telling myself that I was so weak and damaged, that I was literally beyond help. Until `something` happened.................
Religion has not played any significant role in my adult life, but my despair was so overwhelming that I turned to God. I made a pact with Him, that "I would try", provided He would give me the strength I so needed. I placed my trust in God, and I truly believe that my renewed faith sees me at where I am today.
I have been moderating for 6 wks. now, and despite experiencing the usual `teething problems` along the way, I now find that moderation is actually coming naturally to me. It amazes me to think how much of my life I`ve wasted on being drunk, as the thought of getting myself in such a state really disgusts me now............drinking `my fill` has certainly lost its appeal.
So, here I am, doing great, and yet I find.................it`s not enough!!!
I am no longer allowing myself to drink sufficient to cause my mood to be enhanced. I have always been aware that I drank to chase that `buzz` which projected me into a `bubble` for a few hours , where nothing much mattered and everything was beautiful. No buzz sees my bubble burst, and I just don`t see any point to this `contolled` style of drinking for myself. There is simply no point in me drinking these days, since I no longer get to experience its revered `high`.
Oh, I almost forgot...........I also love the taste of wine. Hmmm.........think it`s much like giving up a favourite, rich food when on a diet, which I have managed to do in the past, so no, I no longer have any grave concerns about missing out on the taste.
And so I happily proceed to abstaining, simply because my mind is now in a fit state to make that choice, and my heart feels being AF is where I now belong. Am not being overly-ambitious, as I am telling myself that it`s initially for 30 days, but in my heart-of-hearts, I sincerely hope it`s `for keeps`.
As many of you know, I was sober from 1992-2002, of which I am rightly proud.
But, more than making me proud, looking back on a decade of sobriety makes me realize just how much happier in myself I was back then............I was not in the least `deprived`...............I was indeed content. Am content just knowing that as of this moment forward, a life without alcohol is the one I choose.
All my love,
Starlight Impress
O.K., at the risk of boring you all (as if!!! LOL) , let`s go back to the beginning........
I came here a couple of months ago at my all-time low.........I was enthralled by reading through all of the success stories, while remaining convinced that I would never taste, let alone savour, the same kind of success, only I did...........I feel I am a success as regards confronting my alcohol problem goes, as I realize that wine no longer holds me in its `vice-like grip` of the past 5 yrs.
As I`ve posted in the past, I can`t really explain how I came to be at this point. I came here believing that second-hand successes would be `as good as it gets` for me.............never in a million years would I be able to clamber out of my self-made alcohol abyss. And so it was, that I read and shared in your achievements, wishing so hard that I could follow in your footsteps, whilst telling myself that I was so weak and damaged, that I was literally beyond help. Until `something` happened.................
Religion has not played any significant role in my adult life, but my despair was so overwhelming that I turned to God. I made a pact with Him, that "I would try", provided He would give me the strength I so needed. I placed my trust in God, and I truly believe that my renewed faith sees me at where I am today.
I have been moderating for 6 wks. now, and despite experiencing the usual `teething problems` along the way, I now find that moderation is actually coming naturally to me. It amazes me to think how much of my life I`ve wasted on being drunk, as the thought of getting myself in such a state really disgusts me now............drinking `my fill` has certainly lost its appeal.
So, here I am, doing great, and yet I find.................it`s not enough!!!
I am no longer allowing myself to drink sufficient to cause my mood to be enhanced. I have always been aware that I drank to chase that `buzz` which projected me into a `bubble` for a few hours , where nothing much mattered and everything was beautiful. No buzz sees my bubble burst, and I just don`t see any point to this `contolled` style of drinking for myself. There is simply no point in me drinking these days, since I no longer get to experience its revered `high`.
Oh, I almost forgot...........I also love the taste of wine. Hmmm.........think it`s much like giving up a favourite, rich food when on a diet, which I have managed to do in the past, so no, I no longer have any grave concerns about missing out on the taste.
And so I happily proceed to abstaining, simply because my mind is now in a fit state to make that choice, and my heart feels being AF is where I now belong. Am not being overly-ambitious, as I am telling myself that it`s initially for 30 days, but in my heart-of-hearts, I sincerely hope it`s `for keeps`.
As many of you know, I was sober from 1992-2002, of which I am rightly proud.
But, more than making me proud, looking back on a decade of sobriety makes me realize just how much happier in myself I was back then............I was not in the least `deprived`...............I was indeed content. Am content just knowing that as of this moment forward, a life without alcohol is the one I choose.
All my love,
Starlight Impress
:l :h
zwink:
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