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    A natural progression???

    Guess I`ve felt this creeping up on me over the last 2 or 3 wks........

    O.K., at the risk of boring you all (as if!!! LOL) , let`s go back to the beginning........

    I came here a couple of months ago at my all-time low.........I was enthralled by reading through all of the success stories, while remaining convinced that I would never taste, let alone savour, the same kind of success, only I did...........I feel I am a success as regards confronting my alcohol problem goes, as I realize that wine no longer holds me in its `vice-like grip` of the past 5 yrs.

    As I`ve posted in the past, I can`t really explain how I came to be at this point. I came here believing that second-hand successes would be `as good as it gets` for me.............never in a million years would I be able to clamber out of my self-made alcohol abyss. And so it was, that I read and shared in your achievements, wishing so hard that I could follow in your footsteps, whilst telling myself that I was so weak and damaged, that I was literally beyond help. Until `something` happened.................

    Religion has not played any significant role in my adult life, but my despair was so overwhelming that I turned to God. I made a pact with Him, that "I would try", provided He would give me the strength I so needed. I placed my trust in God, and I truly believe that my renewed faith sees me at where I am today.

    I have been moderating for 6 wks. now, and despite experiencing the usual `teething problems` along the way, I now find that moderation is actually coming naturally to me. It amazes me to think how much of my life I`ve wasted on being drunk, as the thought of getting myself in such a state really disgusts me now............drinking `my fill` has certainly lost its appeal.

    So, here I am, doing great, and yet I find.................it`s not enough!!!

    I am no longer allowing myself to drink sufficient to cause my mood to be enhanced. I have always been aware that I drank to chase that `buzz` which projected me into a `bubble` for a few hours , where nothing much mattered and everything was beautiful. No buzz sees my bubble burst, and I just don`t see any point to this `contolled` style of drinking for myself. There is simply no point in me drinking these days, since I no longer get to experience its revered `high`.

    Oh, I almost forgot...........I also love the taste of wine. Hmmm.........think it`s much like giving up a favourite, rich food when on a diet, which I have managed to do in the past, so no, I no longer have any grave concerns about missing out on the taste.

    And so I happily proceed to abstaining, simply because my mind is now in a fit state to make that choice, and my heart feels being AF is where I now belong. Am not being overly-ambitious, as I am telling myself that it`s initially for 30 days, but in my heart-of-hearts, I sincerely hope it`s `for keeps`.

    As many of you know, I was sober from 1992-2002, of which I am rightly proud.
    But, more than making me proud, looking back on a decade of sobriety makes me realize just how much happier in myself I was back then............I was not in the least `deprived`...............I was indeed content. Am content just knowing that as of this moment forward, a life without alcohol is the one I choose.

    All my love,

    Starlight Impress

    #2
    A natural progression???

    Hi Starlight

    Reading your post made a lot of sense to me........and it does sound like a natural progression to me......I am very pleased you have decided to try Abs.....Im now nearlly 36af....and i havent felt so positive in a long time not just physically but mentally....I feel very relaxed in peoples company and I find myself joining the the conversations rather than wanting to get out of the room....I know this is the real me!!!!.....I know I carnt moderate....because I still get those guilty feelings that drink feeds......My personnal opinion on moderating is why tease yourself with a few glasses and fight yourself to stop....I know everyone is different but for me its all or nothing........Im taking one day at a time and keep reminding myself that the buzz you get from drinking isnt real its the devil in disguise.....like the forbidden fruit......adam and eve.......Im not religious also but I do pray to god to help me stay strong and so far its working......So starlight Im glad you feel like trying abs you go for it you have done it before and I believe you must be even stronger than before so you will suceed......Good Luck xxxxxxxx

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      #3
      A natural progression???

      :l :h
      Enough is enough

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        #4
        A natural progression???

        Star,

        You made my day! I am so happy to read your post, especially because I remember the abyss you were in when you stumbled into MWO. You have made such progress. Thanks for posting your journey because it shows there is hope for all.

        Your post made my smile for you and I still am.

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          #5
          A natural progression???

          I'm smiling too. Gives me hope.
          Sunny days, sweeping the, clouds away. On my way, to where the air is sweeeet!!! Can you tell me how to get, how to get to......LOL

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            #6
            A natural progression???

            Your post is truly dazzling, Starlight! I'm so happy for you. Keep it up!

            Hugs,:l

            Kathy
            AF as of August 5th, 2012

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              #7
              A natural progression???

              Very much Good for you. You are a Star!!
              Gabby :flower:

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                #8
                A natural progression???

                Right Arm girl! Very inspiring post! You can do it...
                :goodjob:
                The only thing worth stealing is a kiss...:flower: zwink:

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                  #9
                  A natural progression???

                  Way to go....it takes a tremendous amount of work and desire, but you have achieved that..WAY TO GO, WAY TO GO! We can do this!

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                    #10
                    A natural progression???

                    Star I think you made the only decision you could make. You will get all the support you need here. A wonderful life is ahead.
                    If I ruin my body where will I live? :ranger

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                      #11
                      A natural progression???

                      Post of the day!

                      Hi All & Starlight,

                      I am back after about a month away & there is such great energy on this site... heck logging on just to see HappyCamper's Avataris enough to make me smile.

                      Starlight you are indeed an inspiration & I can relate to enjoying the taste of wine. I had 57 days AF and had an unexpected family event sneak up on me and I tailspinned...

                      Last week my Psychiatrist was in shock but was not sympathetic... she wanted to know how I would cope when something like this would happen again and she said "It WILL happen again!" Ofcourse because she is a Psychiatrist she said "Figure it out ..." and left it to me to try to ponder...

                      ... here I am now going into close to 2 years of a nightmare... moved to a new job to be closer to family only to have the sister that begged me to move here inform me that she was moving with her husband down south, I had been divorced (no kids) I am mid-thirties and accepted what I thought was a job where my skills were transferrable ... the skills were indeed transferrable but I moved from the east coast to the midwest where the pace was much slower and protocols and proper manuals for operations did not exist ... I entered a world of mind games as I came to discover that I was hired due to a long time employees demotion... I met what I thought was a normal guy and we started dating and it was mind games after that ...enter the DUI... I was upset for leaving the life I had and could not believe the world that I had entered... but I made the choice and now am going back to work after being on medical leave ... I reenter wearing a life preserver...

                      Suggestions on how to cope are welcomed... Liz

                      Comment


                        #12
                        A natural progression???

                        Wow Stillcrawling,

                        My only thoughts are, can you move back east, sounds like you are where you are for no reason now. I wouldn't suggest following your sis again that's for sure!

                        If you can do 57 days you can do it again and more, you should be proud of those days.

                        I am glad my avatar makes you smile, it makes me smile a LOT! :h
                        Sunny days, sweeping the, clouds away. On my way, to where the air is sweeeet!!! Can you tell me how to get, how to get to......LOL

                        Comment


                          #13
                          A natural progression???

                          Starlight, you post is SO ME too!!! Gosh, I was reading it with my mouth hanging open....I hit a low point, and was in Houston at the time, just woke up sick and tired of being sick and tired of being "in prison" with the wine addiction and weakness...I've always been a Chrisian, but hadn't "practiced" in a long time...I'd heard of Joel Osteen, seen him a couple of times on TV, and woke up, so hungover I thought I'd die, but "something" told me to crawl there if I had to.....I nearly had too....it was like he'd seen everything I'd done the night before in his sermon...and it was "ok" it could get better, and all was forgiven, and we were all damaged in some way, shape or form, but that was ok too...to take all our problems, weaknesses, and just turn them over to God....he said...."We aren't in the drivers seat, so just take your hands off the wheel"...then God can drive!.... I felt so "loved" right then, which as we all know, we don't feel like we deserve after falling short so often, and I wanted to "handle" this demon, but I just didn't know how! I crept into the bookstore there, got his book "Your Best Life Now", on CD to play on the way home, because I sure wasn't feeling good enough to read...lol...by the time I got home, I knew I had to let Him help me too....I'm convinced that he led me here to you guys! I'm positive of it...I just kept praying..."please help me, please give me strength, please show me the way, please help me to be a lean mean fighting healthy for You machine!".... I'm a slow learner, but I feel like I'm just a bit behind you, and you are SUCH AN INSPIRATION...SoutherBelle said to me once...."I wonder why we have this at such a weird time in life"... I think its all about helping each other, or recommitting to the Big Guy, and maybe just being part of this community, I don't know that we'll ever understand the why, but I know together, we can sure find the way out!!!!! I'm so proud of you, and I'm just praying for the day I wake up and are firmly planted in shoes and a place just like you...thanks soooo very much for the post, its made my Sunday full of renewed hope for the week....I've done good on Mods also, but slipped by accident/omission of attention...lol...a couple of times, so I know AF is going to be my way soon too...Thanks again for taking the time to post this!!!!!!
                          "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending"

                          Comment


                            #14
                            A natural progression???

                            Starlight, you made my day. What an incredible thought provoking post. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

                            Still crawling - I wish you luck in re-entering wearing a lifejacket. Sounds as if you are stonger. You can do it!
                            Enlightened by MWO

                            Comment


                              #15
                              A natural progression???

                              (((Starlight)))

                              You rock girl:goodjob: You always post so eloquently, I luv how your brain works. And think how much better it will work AF!

                              Comment

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