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    #1

    Monster Blues!

    I feel the need to post just to be honest. I fell down, after only a day and a half! Everything felt good, I resisted the booze in the box but gave in to the monster in my mind! My partner gave me the car on Tuesday, to run an errand for her and to go look for work. Instead i went drinking- a lot! Almost didn't fetch her from work and was obviously very popular. She went out to get away from me, and I lay into the vodka (on top of all the beer and jack I had drunk)! Just didn't stop until I passed out. Needless to say, I felt awful sick yesterday. Still feel a little yukky today. I need some serious help. My partner is taking so much strain and it's me creating most of it. I feel like i'm going in circles! Maybe I should try AA. Will I still be welcome here? Just so desperate!

    Will read my book today and post when I'm more sure of what I want to do. I just want to stop the merry go round! Not so merry merry go round!
    Full is not nearly as heavy as empty, my love...
    Not nearly. -Fiona Apple-
    Tags: None
    #2
    Monster Blues!

    Deilight,

    it is up to you how many or how few groups, forums, friends or doctors you have as long as you get help with your problem as you feel you need it.

    I would say don't stop coming here no matter what - it is somewhere safe to talk at any time of day or night, and that is what is missing from AA, although AA is good for meeting people 'face to face' for personal support in that way.

    I would say, you get the help that suits you, not what suits us. OK?

    Good Luck - and please still come here too?

    Diamond x
    I feel as though it's all happening to someone right next to me.
    I'm close, I can feel it, I can hear it, but it isn't really me.

    Marilyn Monroe

    Comment

      #3
      Monster Blues!

      AA

      Depending on your location AA may have meetings 24/7.

      You just need to rustle up a meeting book which should be free.

      Just information for those who may need/be interested it.

      magic xx :schmokin:
      ~Are you looking for the Holy One?
      I am in the next seat.
      My shoulder is against yours. ~Kabir

      Comment

        #4
        Monster Blues!

        great advice from Diamond there, and i will add that although i am certain AA is not for me and i know it is not very successful statistically, i do know a couple people who have done great with AA. Obviously, it does work for some and you should try everything.

        Also, it is important to let your partner know how bad you feel and how much you are willing to work on this problem. She needs to know how you feel and how hard this is for you.
        Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

        Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

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          #5
          Monster Blues!

          I know what you mean about AA. I did NA years ago and it worked for a short while but like everything, I got bored. It's a good idea, I just find it a little "victim-like" sometimes. I'll check it out, can't hurt me I guess.
          Full is not nearly as heavy as empty, my love...
          Not nearly. -Fiona Apple-

          Comment

            #6
            Monster Blues!

            Hi Deighlight,

            Just keep coming back! Keep an open mind and try whatever is available to you. Having said that, I firmly believe any success comes essentially from within - you need to want this heart, body and soul because if it's not there, then you'll always be able to find a way round it - the excuses will remain plentiful and the voices/negotiations in your head loud, persistant and successful!

            Have you got the 'tools' available to you from this programme? Trying to do this with just will-power alone will be really tough. Do read the book - I'm sure you'll find echos in there of what you're feeling/going through and it explains the principles behind the programme. People pick and choose the parts they feel they need or suit them. What's great is its flexibility and its privacy - just needs to be between you and the computer (us, hopefully!)though bringing your partner in to your efforts may help both of you?

            I have found 2 quotes that I find really good to help keep me focused:
            "The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step" (Lao Tzu)
            and
            "This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good."             (Author unknown)

            I like the first because it's sometimes that first step which is the hardest, but it can be the smallest and yet the most important and the start to a wonderful journey. I like the second because it makes me remember that I have responsibility for my day - I'm a brilliant procrastinator so I always put things off - by reminding myself of this quote it sometimes gives me the push I need as I don't want to give up a day of my life for nothing any more...

            Anyway, rather rambling, but I hope you are able to find the right path for you - there are several here who have been through rehab and tried AA so fully understand and can share experiences - otherwise just try and see what works for you to get you started on moving towards this new life that you so deserve. Non of us deserve to be slaves to alcohol - I was AF for 3 months before I had a relapse and it was just a joy to finally feel that sense of freedom. Have jumped right back on the wagon as I don't want to give that up! - My choice now!

            Good luck with your efforts and you know where to find us! :l
            :rays: Arial

            Last first day - 15th April 2012
            Goals:
            Days 1-7 DONE
            Days 8-14 DONE
            Days 15-21 DONE
            30 days DONE
            60 days
            100 days

            Comment

              #7
              Monster Blues!

              Thanks Arial, really appreciate all the advice and time you give me. Have read both on other posts of yours, I do like the 2nd one, I too am a huge procrastinator. The thief of time indeed!

              I am reading the book at the moment, I can't afford anything else until I have a job. Can't borrow from partner anymore, rent is due and I'm broke. Sad situation!

              On that note, I'm getting on my wagon for the day and off for a bit of a walk.
              Full is not nearly as heavy as empty, my love...
              Not nearly. -Fiona Apple-

              Comment

                #8
                Monster Blues!

                Hi Deilight,
                hope today is good for you. I went to AA a few years ago and got lots of support,
                but it wasn't really for me. I met people who were still going after 20 years and
                still telling the same story, but they were sober. I think you must do whatever feels
                right for you. I don't see any reason why you can't be in mwo and AA and take what
                you find helpful from both.
                Enjoy your walk. Paula.
                .

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