I AM STILL ALCOHOL FREE THIS MORNING. I WANTED IT...CRAVED IT...HAD IT ON MY MIND FOR SEVERAL HOURS. BUT I DIDN'T.
I still own my AF stretch.
Well my ex got the restraining order on me. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Actually I have done both. What a wuss. After the way he walks in and out of my house like its nothin. He has broke into my computer room and taken tons of documents. More than once. When I have been workin on attorney stuff things have just come up missin. He as gone through my personal belongings I don't know how many times. The kids let him in. He thinks he has the right cuz I am livin in the house we had together.
He still has a lot of his personal things here so he thinks he has rights to the inside of the house. Just control tactics on his part. Stupid on me for allowing it. (younger ladies take note)
So the other day - I did, goin to his place and leavin his clothes (dumpin) took that control away. Just that part anyway. I knew he would be mad so I got my moms table first. I didn't want it hurt. He said in the thing that "I went through his personal belongings and took several items" Crap!!!! that's what he did to me. I did not do that. (He doesn't have any more I want.)
Even now - with him accusing me of that....and wishin I HAD...since I was accused.....crap....there is nothing I could have possible wanted!!! This makes me so mad! And then....I was civil enough to take and leave him his clothes.
Damm Luv.....Since I was wanting to make a point.....I would have been in NO trouble to do what you said.....BURN THE SHIT! I live in the county and its even legal. Stupid on me again.
So anyway my attorney is back and filing a RO back on him. And my cop friend tells me its no big deal. The RO doesn't go on my record or anything unless I violate it. But it bugs me so bad cuz my son saw me and helped me carry out the table. But he wont say that's all I took. He and I have had words about it and one of the times that my ex broke in to my computer room he said that my son did it and not him.
Well now my son denies that completely and said his dad did that all solo. But he wont stand up and say so. I know they don't want to get involved but I am sick of them lettin me take the fall in the process. I am their mother for Gods sake. Anyway I said to him that isn't the way I raised him. That I taught him to be truthful and stand up for what is right. And that if he can't do that now, especially for his mother - then he isn't a son of mine. Maybe that was wrong but I am wearing down on this soft patient and loving unconditional - never ending motherly love.
My younger son sees what his older brothers are doin and feels horrible. So yesterday when I got out of the shower there was a note taped on the door. It said "I, (he said his name) have heard my father threaten my mom to kill her, bitch slap her, and throw her out on the street with no money. This all happened this year".
That is all true and so sad. Bless his heart. It's nothing that I can use but his heart is in the right place. He knows his dad is in the wrong. But look how he is hurting too cuz of course he still loves him too. Its his dad.
So last night I cried a lot of tears. And still this morning. Both anger and sadness. I have so many feelings inside. To many to say. But the worst one is my broken heart again - inflicted by my older sons that still silently back the evil monster, while I feel like I am swimming amongst a killer shark.
Somehow I do know I will get through this. And I do know somehow he will get his....I hope I am around to see it tho - and not buried in my pain first.
Next week my attorney and I will start working on the deposition on my ex about moneys he is hiding in his business.
Sorry I am sharing all this but its like my live journal and it reminds me not to drink to cope. Meanwhile he is in the bar every night, my 18 yr old is semi sucidial, my 16 yr old is often out after curfew. He has gotten a few tickets and not gone to court. Now he has a summons for a no show. I don't even know if his dad even knows. Or cares.
Please do me a favor my MWO mafia friends...keep me and my family in your prayers.
Thanks guys for listening. Need to get ready for work.
I still own my AF stretch.
Well my ex got the restraining order on me. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Actually I have done both. What a wuss. After the way he walks in and out of my house like its nothin. He has broke into my computer room and taken tons of documents. More than once. When I have been workin on attorney stuff things have just come up missin. He as gone through my personal belongings I don't know how many times. The kids let him in. He thinks he has the right cuz I am livin in the house we had together.
He still has a lot of his personal things here so he thinks he has rights to the inside of the house. Just control tactics on his part. Stupid on me for allowing it. (younger ladies take note)
So the other day - I did, goin to his place and leavin his clothes (dumpin) took that control away. Just that part anyway. I knew he would be mad so I got my moms table first. I didn't want it hurt. He said in the thing that "I went through his personal belongings and took several items" Crap!!!! that's what he did to me. I did not do that. (He doesn't have any more I want.)
Even now - with him accusing me of that....and wishin I HAD...since I was accused.....crap....there is nothing I could have possible wanted!!! This makes me so mad! And then....I was civil enough to take and leave him his clothes.
Damm Luv.....Since I was wanting to make a point.....I would have been in NO trouble to do what you said.....BURN THE SHIT! I live in the county and its even legal. Stupid on me again.
So anyway my attorney is back and filing a RO back on him. And my cop friend tells me its no big deal. The RO doesn't go on my record or anything unless I violate it. But it bugs me so bad cuz my son saw me and helped me carry out the table. But he wont say that's all I took. He and I have had words about it and one of the times that my ex broke in to my computer room he said that my son did it and not him.
Well now my son denies that completely and said his dad did that all solo. But he wont stand up and say so. I know they don't want to get involved but I am sick of them lettin me take the fall in the process. I am their mother for Gods sake. Anyway I said to him that isn't the way I raised him. That I taught him to be truthful and stand up for what is right. And that if he can't do that now, especially for his mother - then he isn't a son of mine. Maybe that was wrong but I am wearing down on this soft patient and loving unconditional - never ending motherly love.
My younger son sees what his older brothers are doin and feels horrible. So yesterday when I got out of the shower there was a note taped on the door. It said "I, (he said his name) have heard my father threaten my mom to kill her, bitch slap her, and throw her out on the street with no money. This all happened this year".
That is all true and so sad. Bless his heart. It's nothing that I can use but his heart is in the right place. He knows his dad is in the wrong. But look how he is hurting too cuz of course he still loves him too. Its his dad.
So last night I cried a lot of tears. And still this morning. Both anger and sadness. I have so many feelings inside. To many to say. But the worst one is my broken heart again - inflicted by my older sons that still silently back the evil monster, while I feel like I am swimming amongst a killer shark.
Somehow I do know I will get through this. And I do know somehow he will get his....I hope I am around to see it tho - and not buried in my pain first.
Next week my attorney and I will start working on the deposition on my ex about moneys he is hiding in his business.
Sorry I am sharing all this but its like my live journal and it reminds me not to drink to cope. Meanwhile he is in the bar every night, my 18 yr old is semi sucidial, my 16 yr old is often out after curfew. He has gotten a few tickets and not gone to court. Now he has a summons for a no show. I don't even know if his dad even knows. Or cares.
Please do me a favor my MWO mafia friends...keep me and my family in your prayers.
Thanks guys for listening. Need to get ready for work.
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